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#1
Last night a female friend and I went to a strip club and spent the whole night there. I've gone a few times several years ago to local clubs but this is the first time since. My anxiety was incredibly low compared to what I used to feel. I almost felt genuinely relaxed and accepting of my sexuality. I feel that I may be on the verge of disarming my anxieties around looking at and desiring women sexually.
One thing that I really enjoyed was that it was perfectly accepted, in fact, expected, to blatantly check out the girls for as long as you pleased, since, obviously that is the point of being there. It was very re-affirming of my sexuality as a male. And it was okay to be turned on by them since that was the whole purpose. I had an interesting conversation with a very messed up woman who was there with her group of friends. This club happened to be topless (unfortunately, we thought it would be nude) and she confided that she liked coming to this bar precisely because the dancers didn't show their vaginas, which in her opinion looked disgusting. Wow, a female strip-club patron of many visits who DOESN'T like the female body and is ashamed of it. Can you believe that? I wanted to slap the living daylights out of her but I just laughed and shook my head in disbelief. Seeing vagina is the whole damn point. Anyway, my CBT work follows in the next post. |
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#2
1. First I need some weapons...
To identify the error(s) in the disturbed thoughts I can use my version of the "Distortion List"
2. Okay, now that I have resources to work with I need a therapeutic process. The DATA method follows: Determine the evidence for the disturbing belief.3. Finally I need some disturbing material to trigger my anxious thoughts. I will use quotes from feminist propaganda against stripping to help me identify them. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 02, 2012 at 12:45 AM.. |
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#3
She might simply prefer them unshaven?
__________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#4
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#5
Cbt work part 1.
Now, I will identify the disturbing ideas that are triggered when I read the following feminist quotes about stripping... Quote:
2. Women's bodies do not exist for me to look at and enjoy. 3. I turn women into sex objects whose only reason to exist is to serve me. 4. It's wrong for me to want women to be young, thin, busty, and made-up. Quote:
2. I have all the power and women are my victims who I oppress and abuse. Quote:
Quote:
2. 3. 4. Quote:
2. 3. 4. Quote:
2. 3. 4. Quote:
2. 3. 4. Quote:
2. 3. 4. Quote:
2. 3. 4. I will do the rest of these tomorrow. I am tired now. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 02, 2012 at 06:21 AM.. |
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#6
Cbt work part 1. continued...
Quote:
2. Women are only valued for their sex appeal. 3. Women should be valued for more than just sex. 4. I only value women for sex. 5. I am limiting the options women can choose in life by judging their worth based on how attractive they are. 6. I am causing women to suffer eating disorders and low self esteem by judging their worth based on how sexy they are. 7. I treat women like they are only good for sex and I impose restricting gender rules that prevent them from living the fulfilling lives they want to. 8. Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Quote:
2. Men are forcing women to be artificially sexual in a way which is designed to degrade them. 3. Looking at a woman's body parts reduces her to an object. 4. Women would never enjoy being naked and sexy for men unless they were brainwashed. 5. If women are sexual in a way men aren't then it means the women are being degraded. 6. Men do not have a right to critique a woman's body. Quote:
2. Men are forcing women to be sexual in a way which isn't natural to them, which restricts their sexuality, and which serves men instead of women. 3. Men have sexual power over women and they do not deserve it. 4. Women should never have to please men sexually. 5. It is stupid, pathetic, and rude to want to have sex with a girl that didn't give me permission to think sexual thoughts about her. Quote:
2. When women please men sexually for money they are being exploited. 3. I am stupid and pathetic for being turned on by women's body parts. 4. Beauty standards are made up by men to exploit women. 5. Thinking sexual thoughts about women without their permission is wrong and offensive. Quote:
Quote:
============================================================ Additional thoughts. 1. Spread open vaginas are disgusting and only a pervert would be turned on by them. 2. I am a creepy pervert for starting at women's bodies. 3. I am imposing my sexual desires and fantasies on exploited women who are brainwashed into thinking they have to fulfill them in order to be worthy. 4. It is wrong to for women to be called degrading names and for men to have sexual power over them. 5. It is wrong when women booty dance to degrading music that calls them "b*tches" and "hos" Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 03, 2012 at 12:43 AM.. |
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#7
Cbt work part 1. continued...
Now I need to boil the thoughts down into their basic forms and discard the duplicates, before I can start identifying distortions. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cluster A. Women should not please men sexually. -Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. -Women shouldn't try to excite men sexually. -Men do not have a right to critique a woman's body. -Women should never have to please men sexually. -Looking at a woman's body parts reduces her to an object. -Women's self worth should not depend on being attractive to men. Cluster B. Women who please men sexually are being exploited. -Women would never enjoy being naked and sexy for men unless they were brainwashed. -If women are sexual in a way men aren't then it means the women are being degraded. -Women would never show off their bodies to excite men unless they were sexually abused, on drugs, or exploited by a male pimp. -Paying for a girl to turn me on exploits her. -Beauty standards are made up by men to exploit women. -When women please men sexually for money they are being exploited. Cluster C. Getting turned on by women being sexual is a disgusting, creepy, and pathetic. -Thinking sexual thoughts about women without their permission is wrong and offensive. -Spread open vaginas are disgusting and only a pervert would be turned on by them. -I am a creepy pervert for starting at women's bodies. -It is stupid, pathetic, and rude to want to have sex with a girl that didn't give me permission to think sexual thoughts about her. -I am stupid and pathetic for being turned on by women's body parts. -Women gyrating their crotches and exposing themselves are being disgusting and look stupid. -It's embarrassing and shameful to get turned on by the muscle contractions of a womans vagina, body undulations, gyrations, wobbling breasts, "booty-clapping", and any other body movements which draw attention to sexual parts or are very pleasurable. Cluster D. It's wrong to get off on degrading women / Women are degraded by degrading music and names. -It is wrong to for women to be called degrading names and for men to have sexual power over them. -It is wrong when women booty dance to degrading music that calls them "b*tches" and "hos" -Women cannot be shown in sexual positions, acts, or situations where they have less power than the men or they are being degraded. Even if it's a fantasy where they are being degraded as part of the sexual fantasy, it degrades them in real life. Cluster E. Sexually objectifying women hurts them. E.1. Miscellaneous. -Men have sexual power over women and they do not deserve it. -I am limiting the options women can choose in life by judging their worth based on how attractive they are. -I am causing women to suffer eating disorders and low self esteem. -I treat women like they are only good for sex -I don't value women for anything but their sex appeal. E.2. Women's sexuality is warped, perverted, degraded, and stolen from them. -I impose restricting gender rules that prevent them from living the fulfilling lives they want to. -I am helping to force women to be artificially sexual in a way which is designed to degrade them. -Controlling women's sexuality restricts their sexuality and serves men instead of women. -I am restricting women's sexuality and making them ashamed of their bodies. -I am imposing my sexual desires and fantasies on exploited women who are brainwashed into thinking they have to fulfill them in order to be worthy. -Women have to conform to male imposed ideas about what it means to be sexy and feminine. -Men are forcing women to be sexual in a way which isn't natural to them. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am too tired to continue tonight. I will finish reducing these thoughts tomorrow and start on the distortion analysis then. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 03, 2012 at 02:48 AM.. |
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#8
Boil down continued....
Cluster A. Women should not please men sexually. 1. A woman's value depends on what men want her for. 2. Therefore, wanting a woman for her body reduces her to a thing to be looked at or used. 3. Therefore, wanting a woman for her body is degrading. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Aha! I got you now you m&*@#*f@$%^r!!! Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 05, 2012 at 03:22 AM.. |
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#9
And now for the first debunk!
Belief: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Define the thought process. 1. A woman's value depends on what men want her for. 2. Therefore, wanting a woman for her body reduces her to a thing to be looked at or used. 3. Therefore, wanting a woman for her body is degrading. Analyze the distortion(s): 1. A woman's value depends on what men want her for. a. All-or-nothing thinkingTreat the distortion(s): A thing's value does not depend on what a person wants it for. Likewise, a person's value does not depend on what other people want them for. Examples: 1. When I go to the store and buy something I don't really care what the clerk's name is, about his hopes and dreams, or how he's feeling. I just want the damn coke. Nevertheless, he has not become a "one dimensional object" whose only purpose is to slavishly serve me soda drinks! The fact that I ignore the many ways in which he is a valuable person in no way means that I disavow them. I recognize that they are still there, I just don't care about them. 2. When I walk down the street I receive very few looks from women despite the fact that I am very good looking. Most women don't care to even give me the time of day, let alone meet me, because they aren't attracted sexually. But that does not mean I become an object completely stripped of my human worth as I walk down the street. If I were suddenly to fall over screaming in pain these same women would come to my aid or call an ambulance. Clearly they do recognize me as a person deserving their help or else they would just keep on walking. Affirm the realistic thought(s): 1. A woman's value depends on the good things she has about her. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 10, 2012 at 02:01 AM.. |
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#10
Cluster A. Women should not please men sexually. Continued...
Belief: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Define the thought process: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Why not? Because it focuses attention on their bodies. Why is that bad? Because that makes a woman's body the thing you are most interested in. Why is that bad? Because women should not be valued for their bodies. Why not? Because when a woman is valued for her body she is being degraded. Why? Because it makes her inferior to men. Why? Because she is not valued for the same things men are. Why does that make her inferior? Because then she will be treated like a woman instead of a man. Why does that make her inferior? Because women are treated worse than men. Recap: 1. Women are treated worse than men. 2. Therefore, treating a woman like a woman makes her inferior to men. 3. Valuing a woman for her body reinforces the idea that she should be treated like a woman. 4. Therefore, valuing a woman for her body is degrading. Analyze the distortion(s): Treat the distortion(s): Affirm the realistic thought(s): I will tackle these motherf*ckers tomorrow. Stay tuned! Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 10, 2012 at 02:10 AM.. |
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#11
Cluster A. Women should not please men sexually. Continued from yesterday...
Belief: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Define the thought process: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Why not? Because it focuses attention on their bodies. Why is that bad? Because that makes a woman's body the thing you are most interested in. Why is that bad? Because women should not be valued for their bodies. Why not? Because it degrades her. Why? 1. Because she is not valued for the same things men are. Why does that make her inferior? Because that is being treated like a woman. Why does that make her inferior? Because it reinforces that she should be treated like a woman. Why does that make her inferior? Because then she will be treated like a woman instead of a man. Why does that make her inferior? Because women are treated worse than men. and... 2. Because other things that matter about her are completely ignored. Why is that bad? Because you should always focus on a woman's non-sexual qualities. Why? Because otherwise it means they aren't really more important than her sexual qualities. Why is that bad? Because a woman's non-sexual qualities should be the most important. Why? Because her sexual qualities don't matter. Why not? Because they should not exist at all. Why not? Because they are there only for the benefit of men. Why? Because they are artificially imposed by men. Why is that bad? Because men are controlling women's sexuality. Recap: Process 1. 1. Women are treated worse than men. 2. So treating a woman like a woman makes her inferior to a man. 3. Valuing a woman for her body reinforces the idea that she should be treated like a woman. 4. Which means it is degrading. Process 2. 1. Men force women to be "sexual" in ways which aren't natural. 2. So men are controlling women's sexuality. 3. Which means women's sexual qualities shouldn't exist at all. 3. Valuing a woman for her body means those sexual qualities are the most important. 4. Which means it is degrading. Analyze the distortion(s): Treat the distortion(s): Affirm the realistic thought(s): Okay, I will continue with the analysis, treatment, and affirmation tomorrow. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 11, 2012 at 01:23 AM.. |
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#12
hey man that's an awful LOT of work there, you sure you are not taking this too seriously? Today's society is not respectful of its freedom of thought as is portrayed by the overtly feminist outlook of media and opinion of people in general,to the extent that women forget that,in this process,they are losing the charm of being feminine and becoming more like men. However as such we need not condemn the concept itself and that if you're taking it too personally, then better ignore and not be concerned about it at all.
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#13
Bro....I am tortured by feminist inspired self-deprecations every minute of every day of my life that I have an even remotely sexual thought. I can't even fukk girls half the time because I can't stay hard because of the anxiety and shame. Now, you spend your life living like that for a few days and then you come back and tell me whether or not you think I am taking this "too seriously".
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#14
Ugh god I do not wanna do this! But it's got to happen. I have to kill these motherf**kers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cluster A. Women should not please men sexually. Continued... Belief: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. PART 1. Define the thought process: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Why not? Because it focuses attention on their bodies. Why is that bad? Because that makes a woman's body the thing you are most interested in. Why is that bad? Because women should not be valued for their bodies. Why not? Because it degrades her. Why? Because she is not valued for the same things men are. Why does that make her inferior? Because that is being treated like a woman. Why does that make her inferior? Because it reinforces that she should be treated like a woman in general. Why does that make her inferior? Because then she will be treated like a woman instead of a man. Why does that make her inferior? Because women are treated worse than men. Recap: Process 1. 1. Women are treated worse than men. 2. So treating a woman like a woman makes her inferior to a man. 3. Valuing a woman for her body reinforces the idea that she should be treated like a woman. 4. Which means it is degrading. Analyze the distortion(s): It is true that valuing a woman's body does reinforce the idea that women SHOULD be valued for their bodies. And this does go along with other ideas about how women are supposed to be. This would be a very bad thing if women really are treated worse than men. What is the evidence that women are treated worse than men? 1. Men have more privileges than women. 2. Men intimidate, beat, rape, and kill huge numbers of women. 3. Men are considered more important than women. 4. Men are considered better than women. 5. Men have more power than women. 6. Men have power over women but women have none over men. 7. Men have more opportunities than women. 8. Men earn more money than women do for the same work. 9. Men have more legal rights than women do. Treat the distortion(s): Affirm the realistic thought(s): ******************************************************** PART 2: Define the thought process: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Why not? Because it focuses attention on their bodies. Why is that bad? Because that makes a woman's body the thing you are most interested in. Why is that bad? Because women should not be valued for their bodies. Why not? Because it degrades her. Why? Because other things that matter about her are completely ignored. Why is that bad? Because you should always focus on a woman's non-sexual qualities. Why? Because otherwise it means they aren't really more important than her sexual qualities. Why is that bad? Because a woman's non-sexual qualities should be the most important. Why? Because her sexual qualities don't matter. Why not? Because they should not exist at all. Why not? Because they are there only for the benefit of men. Why? Because they are artificially imposed by men. Why is that bad? Because men are controlling women's sexuality. Recap: Process 2. 1. Men force women to be "sexual" in ways which aren't natural. 2. So men are controlling women's sexuality. 3. Which means women's sexual qualities shouldn't exist at all. 3. Valuing a woman for her body means those sexual qualities are the most important. 4. Which means it is degrading. Analyze the distortion(s): Treat the distortion(s): Affirm the realistic thought(s): Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 17, 2012 at 01:43 AM.. |
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#15
Wow, that is impressive, I like it. You are obviously aware of your situation, and by the looks of it, have the tools to gain control?
That IS a lot of work and effort, thanks for sharing. How long have you had this 'problem'? Sent from my EVO 4G - Tapatalk 2 |
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#16
Quote:
I've had sexual anxiety sine I was 11. Started treating it about four years ago. This is my first major attempt at CBT for this issue although I have tried other therapy methods for my sexual compulsions. |
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#17
Re: Went to Strip Club...CBT Work
Time to continue.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cluster A. Women should not please men sexually. Continued... Belief: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. PART 1. Define the thought process: Women should not be used as decorations to be looked at. Why not? Because it focuses attention on their bodies. Why is that bad? Because that makes a woman's body the thing you are most interested in. Why is that bad? Because women should not be valued for their bodies. Why not? Because it degrades her. Why? Because she is not valued for the same things men are. Why does that make her inferior? Because that is being treated like a woman. Why does that make her inferior? Because it reinforces that she should be treated like a woman in general. Why does that make her inferior? Because then she will be treated like a woman instead of a man. Why does that make her inferior? Because women are treated worse than men. Recap: Process 1. 1. Women are treated worse than men. 2. So treating a woman like a woman makes her inferior to a man. 3. Valuing a woman for her body reinforces the idea that she should be treated like a woman. 4. Which means it is degrading. Analyze the distortion(s): What is the evidence that women are treated worse than men? 1. Women are treated like they are worth less than men How do I know this? a. Men intimidate, beat, rape, and kill huge numbers of women. why? b. Men get all the good jobs and women get all the bad ones. why? c. The law treats men better than women. why? d. Men earn more money than women do for the same work. why? e. Men have more opportunities than women why? f. Huge numbers of women are ill because they are forced to live up to unrealistic standards. How do I know this? g. Women do most of the real work in society but receive none of the credit. How do I know this? h. People think men are better than women. How do I know this? 2. Women have less power than men. How do I know this? a. Men have unfair power over women. How do I know this? - Women could not have abortions because men would not let them. b. Men have more privileges than women. why? c. People think women don't deserve as much power as men. How do I know this? Treat the distortion(s): Affirm the realistic thought(s): Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 18, 2012 at 02:22 AM.. |
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#18
Okay. Clearly I have been mindf((d up the wazoo and I cannot batch processes the disturbed thoughts I found. So I am going to do them one at a time from this list.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The basic idea: women are valued less than men and not given the power that they deserve. Women are valued less than men because... 1. Women are intimidated, beaten, raped, and killed by men all the time. 2. Women get all the bad jobs and men get all the good ones. 3. Women aren't taken seriously by the legal system. 4. Women are given harsher sentences than men for the same crime. 5. Women earn less money for the same work than men do. 6. Women are given fewer opportunities than men. 7. Women are suffering badly because of the social pressures forced on them by men. 8. Women do the housework and raise the kids but receive none of the credit. 9. Women's qualities are considered to be worse than men's. 10. Women's education is considered less important than men's. 11. Women's health is considered less important than men's. 12. Women who get murdered or go missing are ignored. 13. Women get blamed when men assault or kill them. 14. People believe that violence against women is normal. 15. People believe that being a man is better than being a woman. 16. Women are less important in a lot of movies and shows which cater to men. Women aren't given the power they deserve because... 1. Women were not allowed to have abortions. 2. Women were not allowed to have jobs. 3. Women were not allowed to own property. 4. Women were not allowed to get a divorce. 5. Women were not allowed to get an education. 6. Women were not allowed to choose who they married. 7. Women were not allowed to play sports. 8. Women were not allowed to vote. 9. Women could legally be raped by their husbands. 10. Women could legally be beaten by their husbands. 11. Women have fewer privileges than men. 12. Women are forced to serve men. 13. Women are forced into low paying jobs. 14. Women aren't allowed to speak. 15. Women's opinions are considered less important. 16. Women weren't allowed to have sex before marriage. 17. Women aren't allowed to explore their sexuality. 18. Women are sexually harassed by men all the time. 19. Women are forced by men into roles that restrict their choices and opportunities. 20. Women have less authority than men. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 18, 2012 at 11:51 PM.. |
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#19
The basic idea: women are valued less than men and not given the power that they deserve.
Women are valued less than men because... 1. Women are intimidated, beaten, raped, and killed by men all the time.Women aren't given the power they deserve because... 1. Women were not allowed to have abortions.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Identify the distortion(s) 19. Women are forced by men into inferior roles. What are these roles? Boys are taught to value: 1. CompetitionGirls are taught to value: 1. Child-rearingWhat is wrong with these gender roles? 1. Girls get the worst roles. 2. They make girls less valuable than boys. 3. Girls suffer from the pressure to live up to these roles. How so? - Girls are told they have to be thin so many develop an eating disorder. (a) Magnification: According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the lifetime prevalence of Anorexia among women is only 0.9%, Bulimia is 0.5%, and Binge Eating Disorder is 3.5%. Even if all of these cases were unique (and they aren't) it only adds to 4.9%. 1 in 20 women suffering an eating disorder at some point in her life is NOT an epidemic. So even if the feminists were right, so what? a1. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/1EAT_ADULT_ANX.shtml- Girls are told they have to be beautiful and popular so many get depressed and kill themselves. (a) Magnification: The actual rate of female suicide is only 4 in 100,000. That means that for every 100 women alive today after 1000 years 4 will have killed themselves!4. They take away authority, choices and opportunities from girls. Why? Because they don't allow girls to be who they really are. Why not? Because they are made up. How do you know they are made up? If gender roles were natural then people would follow them on instinct. Roles have to be taught in order for people to follow them so they are not natural. (a) All or Nothing Thinking: Gender roles could be both instinctive and learned at the same time.- Children are taught that they should make friends and how to do it, but making friends is inherent in our biology. Last edited by Phoboxyl; Apr 19, 2012 at 04:15 AM.. |
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#20
Last year a large group of people took me to a strip club for my birthday. I was shocked that the women spent a lot of time ogling the strippers who were totally nude. They weren’t lesbian as far as I know, but they explained to me that they appreciated the female body and the sexual freedom of the strippers. There were actually quite a few tables with only women.
I once worked with a young woman and she told me that she and her boyfriend would go to a club that had male strippers on one side and female strippers on the other side. She like to watch both, but her boyfriend would only watch the female strippers. |
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