[JoeJo]

I’ve been having some esthetic and physical problems with my penis, which pretty much affected my life until now. Because of this, I began having some social problems, problems with making friends etc…

I am a 20 yo,first year university student and I still didn’t have sex. I would like you to give me any advice, on what to focus and how to think. First the history:

Since a child I was also doing sports thanks to my father, having lots of friends, being funny and joking around.
At elementary and high school I was the best in sports from my class, I had a good sense of humour, girls liked me.

Ofcourse, as a teen, from 13 yo + I was super horny. I wanted sex as hell,seriously, I REALLY wanted sex. The problem was that I had a tight foreskin and a short frenulum(that’s the short string of skin on the bottom of your penis). This made it really hard for me to roll down the foreskin, and because of the short frenulum I could just roll it down 3/4 the way when erected. My penis “crown” was also super sensitive.( As I now know, I have this after my grandfother, who also had this problem. It’s ****ing genetics)

Because of this I couldn’t imagine in my head, how I could **** a girl. I was SUPER HORNY, but I couldn visualize myself ****ing a girl with my penis. She would either tear down the short foreskin, or I would ejaculate immediately because of my sensitive crown.

Now you can see how confused I must have been of the whole situation. Growing up, not knowing what to do.

The problem came at late elementary school and at high school, when all the boys and all my friends were talking about how they would **** girls etc… At first I would ignore it, but after I came to high school It was just pissing me off so much more. My best friend was always talking about how he ****ed last night and I couldn’t say anything about it. Every boy was just talking about girls and ****ing.

I knew this was the time of my life, when I had to change from the boy just making fun of everything, not minding girls, into the man becoming what they call an alpha male, but I just couldn’t solve the problem with my penis.
Before high school I didn’t mind girls that much. But at high school, I started thinking about dating and so on.

As a lot of other boys, I was a bit insecure with girls. Before I couldn’t imagine myself dating a girl, but with sex, it all made sense. Even though I didn’t have sex yet, I knew that dating girls and spending time with her could be driven by the desire for sex. But again, I had a semi-functional penis, so how the **** was I supposed to be driven by sex, If I knew I would fail in sex.

As most of my friends after high school were often talking about girls and sex, I started feeling like an outsider. In the middle of high school I changed schools and finished high school at a different high school.

This combined with other high school social problems pretty much got me down and I became anti-social, propably because I was trying to defend myself from failure. Also the fact that someone could laugh at me was decreasing my self esteem.
At 19 I finally got my penis circumcised, but even now after a year, I don’t feel too confident with it, as the scar at the bottom of it is still sensitive a bit. I can imagine having sex with a condom on, but without a condom, I don’t feel very confident because of the scar and I am scared that a girl would pull the skin too hard and might damage something.

Now at 20 years old, after all these sufferings, I still didn’t have sex.
I also didn’t have any girlfriend by now. I could have, if I tried just a bit, but there was almost no iniciative from my side, as I couldn’t imagine myself ****ing her.
By now I was kissing with only 7 girls, all on some parties. 2 of them wanted to ****, but I declined, because I wasn’t confident with my penis.

Now at 20 years old, I know I have to do something. I was thinking of paying a prostitude to just get over the first time and gain some confidence. I know there is propably no way I can heal the scarv on the penis, and I will have to learn to live with it and with the little pain.

This whole problem got me kind of depressed, bored, I’m like a zombie sometimes, and I used to be super funny and alive.
Maybe this whole thing isn’t just a problem of my penis. I really take it personally and really mind if someone is talking trash about me or making fun of me, especially in a group of people in my environment. I’ve been to the psychologist at high school when I had these problems. I didn’t mentions the genital problems, I just talked general about how bad I feel at high school. She recommended anti-depresives, but we decided not to take them, as I was sure there must be a different solution.
My sister also had some problems and was taking anti depressives. This can come from my mother, she is kind of emotionaly unstable when times get rough. But my father is tough as a rock, so I don’t know really.

I will appreciate any advice on what to do, what to change in my life, how to regain apettite for sex , how to think.
Thank you

[JoeJo]

I am also thinking it could be just my fear from when I was uncircumcised and had problems with the foreskin and now I am just making exuses for the small uncomfort from the scar. Maybe I just have to overcome this somehow.

[Harley47]

I think you're making more of an issue of it than it truly is, with respect. I understand the physical problems you mentioned must be irritating at the very least, but I think you would be pleasantly surprised with the results if you simply told a perspective partner up front about this. To me, it seems like you're allowing the fear of the "what if's" of sex prevent any type of intimacy at all. I don't think any woman worth being in a relationship with is going to think any less of you for this.

Additionally, they sell condoms with a numbing agent on the inside that can help with the sensitivity, and I understand that oral topical numbing agents have the same effect on the genitals. That might be worth looking in to. Have you spoken to a doctor about what might be able to be done?

Don't beat yourself up about this. There's no shame in being a virgin at 20. That's still young. There isn't a rush.

BTW, simply for the consideration of some of our users, would you mind using a different term for sex? It may bother some.