[Big Mama]

I absolutely do not like sex. I feel bad for my H. This is not what he bargained for. When we were dating I would "put out" to keep him around. I would go home and cry afterwards. I thought this is what you had to do to keep a man. Sometimes I would just simply not want to do it. We would go to a hotel and do it anyway. At times I was under extreme amounts of stress with collage and planning our wedding. I just did not want to do it. I did anyway. I would cry when we were done. Once we were married I had no desire. Sex is something we fought about all the time. He wanted to do it and I didn't. Still 18 years later I don't want to do it. I just want to be left alone. Keep your hands to yourself and your you know what in your pants. Now after 18 years of a not so good relationship sex seems to be another thing that separates us. It drives me crazy that this man can think about "IT" as often as he does and at the most inappropriate times. Come on give me a break.

Jut for information sake. I was repeatedly raped as teenager. Raped, stalked, & the guy threatened to kill himself the whole nine yards. I have a feeling that has had a little something to do with the way I feel. My parent were not the touchy feely type. They fought there fair share. Sex was seen as dirty and anything to do with sexuality was wrong. I just don't see alot of hope for a normal sex life. I don't know why I am even typing this. I don't know what answer I am looking for. I get from my H a "no wander you are the way you are lets do it anyway". Well I am so tired I can't stand it. Good night all. Thoughts anyone.