No interest in sex

I absolutely do not like sex. I feel bad for my H. This is not what he bargained for. When we were dating I would "put out" to keep him around. I would go home and cry afterwards. I thought this is what you had to do to keep a man. Sometimes I would just simply not want to do it. We would go to a hotel and do it anyway. At times I was under extreme amounts of stress with collage and planning our wedding. I just did not want to do it. I did anyway. I would cry when we were done. Once we were married I had no desire. Sex is something we fought about all the time. He wanted to do it and I didn't. Still 18 years later I don't want to do it. I just want to be left alone. Keep your hands to yourself and your you know what in your pants. Now after 18 years of a not so good relationship sex seems to be another thing that separates us. It drives me crazy that this man can think about "IT" as often as he does and at the most inappropriate times. Come on give me a break.

Jut for information sake. I was repeatedly raped as teenager. Raped, stalked, & the guy threatened to kill himself the whole nine yards. I have a feeling that has had a little something to do with the way I feel. My parent were not the touchy feely type. They fought there fair share. Sex was seen as dirty and anything to do with sexuality was wrong. I just don't see alot of hope for a normal sex life. I don't know why I am even typing this. I don't know what answer I am looking for. I get from my H a "no wander you are the way you are lets do it anyway". Well I am so tired I can't stand it. Good night all. Thoughts anyone.

what i get from this is that he is not satisfying you sexually, and you are only giving in to his sexual desires out of guilt. do you masturbate? if not you really need to get on that because it will change the way you look at sex. if you do, show your partner what you do to get off, and have him take the lead. once you are satisfied it becomes easier, although still unpleasant at times, for him to get you. sex needs to be a give and take. dont let him monopolize the whole thing. make sure you get what you need.

dark, masturbation wise, all works well. When I don't take my meds that is. I have
"performance anxiety" as well. It is no where near as fun when my ability to make things HAPPEN controls how skillful the other person feels. Then meds have killed my sex life. I see you take zoloft. Does that seem to affect your sex drive. I think the social anxiety and anxiety related to being close to anyone has a put a damper on things. Thank you for responding.

to be honest, i cant get off on regular sex either. i have to be tied up with a blindfold, and only then can i really concentrate on the feeling. if i think for just a second on the person trying to get me, i lose it. but if i concentrate solely on a fantasy i have constructed and feel whats going on down there it becomes easier to cum.

you should try with your eyes closed at first, just concentrating on the feeling down there it could help.

ive been taking zoloft since before i was sexually active, so i cant say either way if its making any difference.

So not fair. The zoloft killed my sex drive. But I am glad it has not killed yours.

I am a forgetful person. I have ADD. I once said I would not wish forgetfulness on anyone. I also would not wish lack of sex drive and inability to cum on anyone.

As for bondage, thank you for sharing your thoughts on that. I do not think I will got there though. A past history of rape makes that an uneasy feeling. I am having difficulties "letting go" and receiving. I've never been w/ someone that I feel that safe with. Even though I am married I am in an unhappy relationship. I would like to know just once what GOOD SEX is like. I fear I am doomed to a life of less than satisfactory sex. Partly due to having to stay w/ the same person and partly due to my inability to let go. W/ out drugs or alcohol any idea how to have less difficulty letting go?

Sex is a complicated issue for most - its not unusual for people to want sex and nor is it to not want sex if you are ok with that. It sounds like you're more concerned about how this is affecting your relationship - while nothing might replace sex for your husband, what else do you do to ensure closeness between you? Do you think couples therapy might help you both? That might help you work through these issues together and improve trust and the like which in turn could help you 'let go' to use your turn of phrase. Im sorry to hear about what happened to you when you were younger, have you had any support for that since? I hope this matter improves for both you and your relationship, all the best