I need a new hobby

I want to start this off by saying I am not particularly ashamed of this activity, its just that....I can't seem to stop doing it and its gotten rather boring after all these years. And rather recently, I realized how much of an effect it has had on my real life relationship(s).

Since I was about 19 or so I have been having a pretty amount of cyber sex. Back then I would literally do it all day on the internet or phone with little snack breaks in between. Phone sex, watching porn with someone, role play, everything as long as it was not actual intercourse since I was pretty freaked out by that at the time. Also during this time, I met my best friend, or so it seemed, and our relationship turned sexual in a short amount of time. Our relationship has been full of lies and drama, and it has pretty much always been extremely codependent and obsessive. Thankfully he lives in London and our paths will probably never cross in real life.

I had been sort of toying the idea of officially retiring this whole sexin' randoms online thing and an event that happened Saturday kind of confirmed that for me. Basically best buddy had just gotten out of rehab and immediately started looking for me online (where I can always be found, apparently). He tracked me down and at first it seemed like he was genuinely concerned about my state of mind I have been in since...well over a year now I guess (wow). The conversation quickly turned to sex and if I had been seeing anyone and after mentioning a few guys he just sort of flipped out on me and demanded to know how I could talk to other guys and if I was feeling so bad about life I could've just emailed him all the sexual things and I wouldve been fine. How imaginary sexing can cure the odd suicidal thought is beyond me. I can't even begin to type how warped the conversation got.

I have always felt badly for introducing sex in any form into our relationship and I guess this is the result. I feel really guilty about it and I kept help but to think that if I had never said certain things, we could have had a better friendship. But seeing as he is a fellow bipolar sufferer, and is also a coke/heroin/alcohol/sex addict it was kind of doomed from the start.

I don't know why I had been so blind and actually believed that being sooooo sexual all the time wouldn't eventually ruin a couple relationships, but it has. Kind of. I don't know. I just....I am bored with it, and just tired of getting asked for it, and I knew a new outlet. I just don't know how to just drop it. Every past attempt has been a complete and utter failure.I'm starting to think that cyber has been a crutch. I have no idea what to do to start living in the "real world" permanently.