[Focus62]

I am trying to figure out if I am asexual or not...I am a little confused on the meaning behind the word. I don't care for sex, I do not crave it in any capacity, but that does not mean I am not physically attracted to the opposite sex. There are many guys that I think are very handsome and/or sexy, but I don't want to have sex with them necessarily. I also want kids (adoption) and a family some day... this is all very confusing . Perhaps it has to do with my CSA history and I am not interested because of that, rather than just being asexual. Are you born asexual or can you "turn" asexual? I figure you would have to be born asexual, but I guess I don't really know.

Are there any asexuals out there who are married (perhaps to other asexuals)? I feel like an asexual person married to a sexual person would be difficult, that's why I wonder if two asexuals would have a better understanding of each other.

Asexual simply means lack of sexual attraction right? I don't see why you couldn't be married and just not have sex because neither of you want it. Or perhaps there is no point to marriage if you're not having sex. Am I making sense?

I am curious too, do any asexuals ever want kids?

[Big Mama]

I don't know the answer to this Question. I am not interested in sex in the least. I am married and my H is interested so I do take care of needs. I once told him God took a perfectly nice man,or a good looking man then went and ruined things by sticking a p***s on him. I like guys. I have only had sex w/ guys but it has always seemed useless.

I'm not real sure what asexual is. I do have 3 children. I have been victim of abuse as well, well rape.

[Pandoren]

If you haven't already found it, it sounds like the Asexual Visibility and Education Network website will be helpful to you.

As a few answers:

~Yes, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others. Under that umbrella is a wide range of experiences; some have a libido, others do not; some want relationships, others do not; some want children, naturally or otherwise, others do not; some have history of abuse, others do not...

~ Some asexuals do still find people aesthetically attractive- that is to say, they can see beauty and appealing features in other people but that is not connected to sexual impulses. Some asexuals say it is like appreciating a work of art. Aesthetic attraction is not solely an asexual thing- aside from the usual, remember that straight people can rate the looks of others of the same sex. It's just that most people either don't see that as attraction or since it coexists with their sexual orientation, they don't see it separately.

~ Most asexuals claim to have never experienced sexual attraction, so as far as they can say they were "born" that way. There have been incidences of people currently identifying as asexual who, at some point in their past, did experience sexual attraction (but in order for this to be a change of orientation, it shouldn't be short term or explainable by other things, like taking meds that lower libido for example). Some members of the asexual spectrum, known as "grey" or "grey-a's", experience sexual attraction very rarely or under certain circumstances, in which they are not technically asexual but are alienated from mainstream sexuality.

Hope that helped a bit.

[Pteropodidae]

I don't know if this would help in any way, but I am friends with a guy who's hetero-romantic asexual. He said that it means he is capable of falling in love with girls and enjoys things like holding hands and hugging, but he has no interest in having a sexual relationship with a girl. He said that he also finds some girls attractive, but in a non-sexual way.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Focus62

I don't care for sex, I do not crave it in any capacity, but that does not mean I am not physically attracted to the opposite sex. There are many guys that I think are very handsome and/or sexy, but I don't want to have sex with them necessarily.

Maybe find someone who is giving you a lot of emotional support, appreciation, validation, etc. and whom you find very handsome and try having sex with him and perhaps it won't be half as bad. And if it is just absolutely horrible, then, well, you can always discontinue. Excuse yourself and that's all, end of story.

Have you tried?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Focus62

I am curious too, do any asexuals ever want kids?

I am (hopefully temporarily) asexual and if I were not on psych meds and if I had money, sure, why not have kids. I do not see why you asking the question. People adopt. People have kids through IVF from donors. Kids do not even have to come from sex these days.

[hamster-bamster]

I would also raise the issue with your GP - maybe your hormones need to be checked. And, it is always a good idea to start with a plain old physical exam to rule out physical concerns.