freak, or ok???? trigger

so, I just did something I'm incredibly ashamed of. Let me give a little background first. I have self-harming urges quite often. Long story short, I'm being watched really closely by my Mom (I live with her) so I can't hurt myself. I've been stealing forks lately (from my own kitchen and plasticware from fast-food restaurants) so I can scratch my tummy with them.........last time I did it, I made it bleed but not badly. Anyway, I found another fork and just went into the bathroom and scratched myself with it. It felt so good!!! ............in a particular kinda way..........made me happy.......and excited, if you know what I mean.............it's almost like the more dangerous and taboo it is, the better it feels to me...........am I making sense? I know self-harm isn't good but it felt so wonderful to certain parts of my body..............what do I do? do I stop or keep going to get the same feelings????? I know I wanna do it more but I'm thinking the risk of permanently injuring my tummy is greater, so I guess I'll stop. Who'd have thought that hurting my tummy would give me that kinda feeling????????????

Self-injury does release similar feelings to that of stimulation in some people so I wouldn't say that it is anything abnormal at all , however SI can be an extremely dangerous habit as it can be extremely addictive and many people end up depending on it, and needing to injure themselves more severely to get the same excitment.

If possible I would suggest that you try to find safer ways to experience those good feelings. This might feel good now but can be dangerous.

I know........thanks for the warning......it's already kinda become a bad habit, so I'm not really starting anything new.......it's just that the feelings I get from it are new..........But I am getting help from a therapist, so I'm working through stuff.

That's really good to hear I hope that your therapist can help you work through it. Do you feel comfortable telling them about these new feelings? If you can it will probably be good for them to know.

Do everything you can to stop SI. you start with just some scratches and a little blood, but then it takes more and more to get that same feeling. It never goes well...

nicoleb2 has a good point. Chances are that sooner or later, you will go further. Most SI increases in severity over time and can end in accidental death.

What you are feeling is probably endorphins. That is the body's natural "drug of choice". It gives you a "high" when you were previously upset, feeling trapped or depressed. It should never be taken lightly, and should be stopped as soon as possible. What you have done will probablly not leave lasting scars, but if you continue, the scratches will turn into lacerations, and those will.

More important than leaving scars that are embarrassing to explain, you can find yourself in trouble. Infection, permanent disuse of a limb or striking a vessel that leads to dangerous bleeding or even death can easily occur. You might not be trying to cause this, but things get out of control. Without going into details, mine escalated over the years until I came very close to losing a leg. Superficial scratches were my start as well. Get help before you go any further. There is a reason you are turning to this form of behavior, and there are healthier ways of experiencing endorphin release.

You are not a freak, and this is much more common than you think.

Sam2

I've read that to stop harming, but to still get a release and that feeling that S.I. brings ( I don't know what that is, I've never S.I. and don't understand what it does, feels like, or why the need to do it) but if a tight rubber band is placed around the wrist and 'pinged' when the need to S.I. arises. The snap of the band against the skin hurts, but does not cause an injury. The sensation is said to be the same. Would that help to try ?
Best wishes x

I really do NOT want to SI but I want that high I experienced........I'm not sure how to get it, though.................................any ideas?

As Ladyzero said a rubber band on your wrist or grab some ice cubes and make a fist, it really hurts, it can often give you the high but cause no actual injury.

There is a section under self injury that has a whole list of ways to distract yourself when the urge to self harm comes over you.

I deal with self harm so I do understand what your saying.