Sex is great...?

Inedible · Mar 14, 2013, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bighands

Wow. I really feel bad for you people that you don't understand that a mother can talk about sexual matters with her daughters. It's not prying! This is simply getting advice from someone who raised them and loves them dearly. Someone with their full, honest medical background. Do you not remember how naive and inexperienced you were at 18 (a teenager)! The advice in this case happens to be about sex but it's really no different from how to do the laundry or what to do when you have a hang-nail. If there is trust and honesty in a family, of course sexual advise won't work but teenagers often distrust their parents without ever having their trust betrayed. They hear their idiot friends talking about bad relationships with their parents and assume they are going to have the same and feel they need to lie to their parents when they don't.

Why should a teenager tell her mom that she needs to see a doctor? SERIOUSLY? I'll tell you the obvious, since you clearly have no clue. Because it just might be possible that she went thru the same thing. It's her mother! Same physical traits. Ever hear of that? Maybe she can say, "I Love you and I'm glad you came to me with this. Let's get you to a good doctor right away. I hope you trust me with personal things like this in the future. Our relationship can be so much more." Yeah. You're right. What was I thinking. That would be horrible!

What country are you from where this actually works?

hamster-bamster · Mar 14, 2013, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bighands

Someone with their full, honest medical background.

I do not understand what it means. Do not understand how medical background can be honest ("honest" is usually an adjective that describes humans, not background... well, perhaps stories or accounts or reports, but still not background) and what the whole phrase is supposed to convey.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bighands

Do you not remember how naive and inexperienced you were at 18 (a teenager)!

You personally might have been naive and inexperienced when you were 18, but OP has been able to locate a relevant forum among the wide variety of internet offerings, has been able to present her problem clearly and coherently and navigate the discussion well, so it seems to me that she is oriented enough and does not qualify as "naive and inexperienced".

hamster-bamster · Mar 14, 2013, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

that she is oriented enough and does not qualify as "naive and inexperienced".

correction: yes, Lady is inexperienced, solely due to age, but not naive. She is using the information resources appropriately, to troubleshoot her situation and determine her next steps.

hamster-bamster · Mar 14, 2013, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lady1158

(1)I've talked to a bunch of my friends about sex, and they all say that its great, amazing, etc. But whenever I have sex it's usually painful.

(2) My doctor said that it could be a lubrication problem, so I tried it out a couple times. It made it a little less painful, but it still wasn't this amazing thing that everyone loves to do!...

(3) Any ideas on why it's painful?

Lady:

1) polled a representative sample from her age group to determine if the problem was unique to her
2) having discovered via (1) that it indeed was more or less unique to her, she talked with a medical professional
3) not satisfied with the help she got from (2), she started polling a larger group of people

How is that NAIVE???

Inedible · Mar 14, 2013, 08:29 PM

The more I think about it, Bighands, the more I wished you lived in America. Especially close enough to Iowa that some day I could meet your parents. I've heard of countries where parents openly talk about sex with their children and relationships are open and healthy - but I can't remember which ones. Mostly Pacific islands.

Mar 14, 2013, 09:34 PM

It should be a patient mutual exploration which doesn't necessarily include penetration or anything else that is painful for you. It's possible you just need more time to 'limber up' as it were.

This is something you can find out together.

hamster-bamster · Mar 14, 2013, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inedible

The more I think about it, Bighands, the more I wished you lived in America. Especially close enough to Iowa that some day I could meet your parents. I've heard of countries where parents openly talk about sex with their children and relationships are open and healthy - but I can't remember which ones. Mostly Pacific islands.

The Netherlands, too, conceivably. At least that is the lore about the Netherlands. Also Holland boasts widespread home birth, evidence-based harm reduction drug policies rather than war on drugs, etc, etc. But to what extent the country lives up to the reputation in reality is not so clear.

Sorry to sidetrack the track.

Lady is in Minnesota so that is where the focus should be.

RomanSunburn · Mar 14, 2013, 10:12 PM

So... I totally had an open conversation with my mom about sex when I lost my virginity and asked her for some advice...

Lady, I would not recommend kegels for your problem. Part of the problem might be that you don't know how to fully relax your body and if you're doing kegels, especially if you're doing them wrong, you might not fully relax while doing them, which will just make your muscles stronger and tighter, and that will just add to your problem.

You will probably need more than just a visit to PP. You might eventually want to invest in vaginal dilators and physical therapy (yes, they really do have physical therapy for your sex life). A vibrator might also help distract you while you're having sex and make it feel less painful.

Personally, I would not recommend alcohol for two reason. One, you're underage and that can just lead to bad decisions. And two, it can cause you to dry out causing more pain.

I'd also recommend two forms of birth control in case a fear of pregnancy is lurking in the back of your mind, also not letting you fully relax. And your doctor was definitely right about the cycle... you expect pain, you tense up, there's pain, so you expect it next time. It's kind of a hard cycle to break, though.

Good luck!

hamster-bamster · Mar 14, 2013, 10:42 PM

True about physical therapy and I even know a woman in the Bay Area who does EXCLUSIVELY that and starts her practice at 7AM in the morning and is booked for three months out. I saw her once for a urinary issue (luckily, gone by now) but the majority of her practice is women's pelvic concerns.

If she can be so booked, it must be wide spread enough.

Thank you, RomanSunburn.

lady1158 · Mar 15, 2013, 10:56 PM

This is a lot of good information, thank you everyone! Hopefully I'll be able to book an appointment with a gynecologist relatively soon so I can figure out what's really going on. Right now everything is just a guess.

sewerrats · Mar 16, 2013, 04:13 AM

i tell you could be a slight prolasps like my wife. she is told to do pelvic exercise , but she says its crap.The guys penis will be hitting the prolaspe you just have to figure out a position were it dont.

hamster-bamster · Mar 16, 2013, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

True about physical therapy and I even know a woman in the Bay Area who does EXCLUSIVELY that and starts her practice at 7AM in the morning and is booked for three months out. I saw her once for a urinary issue (luckily, gone by now) but the majority of her practice is women's pelvic concerns.

If she can be so booked, it must be wide spread enough.

Thank you, RomanSunburn.

Lady: Laura Fraser is the physical therapist who does this sort of treatment here.
Laura Fraser Physical Therapist - Los Altos, CA

You can call her and ask if she can recommend someone in Minnesota. Since hers is a rare subspecialty, there might be a nationwide network of practitioners and Laura can give you a pointer to your local resource.

Best.

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