[helenoftroy]

hey, can anyone help me...I fell in love with a woman a couple of years ago who dropped all sorts of hints that she wanted a woman and was attracted to them. She ..We had intense chemistry and it felt sensational...I was on the receiving end of many compliments, close hugs and she even told me she loved me tenderly.. this got incredibly confusing...she always talked about sex with men and would make it look like she was looking to marry (a man) in future..it seemed like she was playing with my head..this got confusing and when It seemed like she wanted me close she pushed me away..i was incredibly hurt..even to the point when she would get jealous of guys I spoke to once and verbally abused him..She eventually told me this thing between us was over& I was shattered.

I heard shes now with a man, who is a creep...and the funny thing was, she stumbled by my workplace, not knowing I was working there..she attempted to strike up a convo but I was so pissed off that I couldnt focus & wanted her to leave..this struck up so many mixed emotions in me and I thought about her after this...a few weeks later she popped in again, firstly driving by and peering into my shop..at this time, her bf was overseas I think.. I need to know why she popped in.. I feel distressed, heartbroken, and need to move on but cant..I loved her with all my heart and wonder if she ever felt the same.

Im sooooo confused with what this woman wants from me...HELP

[hamster-bamster]

It is impossible to read her mind. From what you described, she does not seem nice. Attractive, maybe, but not nice. Is it true?

[helenoftroy]

no not a very nice person at all...she can be very manipulative and say very hurtful things to people...especially me..,I just dont know why...I want to know why the hell she dropped into my workplace that day...she didnt call, or text, afterwards and is now apparently so happy in a relationship with a total creep..I'm just confused about what she wants..the first time she came into my work she tried to strike up a conversation with me about what Im doing with my life and the second time, well, who the hell knows...she has even spread gossip about me and tried to embaress me infront of people in the past..shes left a blaze of destruction and when I confronted her about her feelings she got awfully defensive and pissed off denying that she had loved me when 90% of communication is body language..

[hamster-bamster]

No, confronting her is not the way to go. Are you in the US?

There might be ways to stop her from coming to your place of employment uninvited. I am not exactly sure where to start on this. Probably... email your local police department, describe the situation, and see how they respond.

Keep us posted!

[helenoftroy]

well, whats done is done...I did confront her a while back, but It didn't stop her from coming in to my workplace..anyhow, I no longer work there thank God so she has no way of doing anything...

I just wish I knew what the hell was going on..

why do people like this resort to gossip and manipulation behind your back?

[helenoftroy]

no im not in the US...but lucky for me I dont work there anymore...It would just be nice to know what the hell was going on i her head and what her motivation for coming to my workplace was

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by helenoftroy

no im not in the US...but lucky for me I dont work there anymore

Problem solved?

[~Christina]

She sounds like a selfish self serving user .... Be glad to be rid of her. You deserve better.

[helenoftroy]

Thanks Christina...I sure do Only problem is, I cant seem to forget her..I dont know why and want to know why she came back out of the blue after a year of being out of my life...before she was out of sight out of mind and now shes in my head again..I realize I deserve better but Its almost like shes kidding herself, while making it out to people as if I'm the one with issues ..she likes girls one minute and then seems to change her mind saying "Im not gay", "I'm into men", "I only want men". now in a relationship with one apparently...meanwhile, telling everyone else to be honest with themselves.... it just makes me very cranky and makes me doubt my own sanity

[helenoftroy]

well, kinda...only problem is I still think of the damn *****

[helenoftroy]

not sure what else to do now

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by helenoftroy

not sure what else to do now

There is not anything to do. You can try journalling as a way of dealing with thinking about her, but in terms of goal-oriented activity, there is nothing to help the situation.

[helenoftroy]

but to know that what I felt and went thru was a waste of time..It would help to know if she felt anything for me at any stage

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by helenoftroy

but to know that what I felt and went thru was a waste of time..It would help to know if she felt anything for me at any stage

It would be nice to confirm that she reciprocated the attraction. Yet, feelings are valuable in their own right. Your feelings for her were part of what makes you a unique human being. You did not waste your time - you lived your life.

You were just unlucky.

She sounds like a narcissist. I mean, not necessarily in the clinical sense (or maybe so) and I'm not trying to offend anyone who may have NPD but she wanted attention from you and got it and when she didn't get it, it really upset her. Didn't you say she drove by your work a second time trying to see if you were there? Seemed like she was trying to elicit some kind of response from you that she didn't get the first time.

Anyway, I agree with Hamster. Not much you can do at this point. Journaling to get these feelings and talking about it on here are definitely constructive.

[helenoftroy]

Hey Miskeena....thanks for your input...the problem was I gave this woman plenty of attention and shes the one who wanted to end it...yes, she came by a second time and I wasnt really quite sure what to do...I didnt want to give her much time coz she's just sucked so much life out of me already...anyway, I just wonder if this new relationship shes in is just a rebound?