Ouch!

Hello,

My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time over the weekend. It was very painful. I felt bad and tried to not show it at the time. However, my boyfriend knew that it was hurting me. The next night we tried sex again (because imwanted to) and it wasn't as painful as before but it wasn't pain free.

Is this normal?

What are some tips you have that maybe we can try to make sex more comfortable for the two of us?

I don't know if this helps, but I can share what I did.

I've heard that different women experience different levels of pain the first time. I had to wait like 3-4 days before attempting it again after the first time. My advice would be to take it slow and avoid a position where it goes in too deep. And sometimes you could always wait an extra day or 2 before trying it again. It isn't going anywhere

Most girls experience pain for their first time due to a couple of reasons: one, the hymen tears, and two, you are not relaxed or wet enough to take in the penis easily. Your body can take in the penis easily but it makes it hard when you are not relaxed or wet enough. Use lube and try some foreplay before you have sex again. It is also essential that you COMMUNICATE with your boyfriend. He can't help you unless you tell him to go fast or slow or to change positions.

Apparently that is normal. If it hurt once, you also run the risk of there being some pain because you are anticipating it to be painful, so you might tense up... So try to relax. Perhaps some artificial lubricant can help for the first few times too?

Holly,

I think we might need a few more details. If I recall from other posts, you're not a teenager. Was this your first time?

Hello,

No, I am not a teenager and yes, this was my first time.

So, in addition to using lube, lots of foreplay, and doing your absolute best to relax, I'd also suggest trying to stretch a little. One stretch that has worked for me is lying on my back with my legs butterfly style (heels together, knees open). Try to do that stretch every day and see if it starts helping. I'd also recommend bring a vibrator in to help distract you.

I've been dealing with this for quite some time, so feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

Hi Holly.

My guess would be it's your hymen, which tears (or "breaks") during your first time. That, as I'm told, varies from woman to woman as far as how much it hurts (if at all, in some instances). Usually, it doesn't fully "go away" the first time, hence explaining why your second time was less painful but not painless.

On the plus side, that'll likely fix itself in time. Until it does, however, make sure there is adequate foreplay between the two of you, and do your best to try to relax. Artificial lube can also help quite a bit (and from my brief strolls down that aisle, add one heck of a bit of variety to things ). But as Doc said, don't be afraid to communicate. He needs to be considerate of the fact that you're new to this, and needs to be gentle.

Also, please don't feel bad, like you said. It's not at all your fault! Just an unfortunate byproduct of anatomy, is all.

Hugs,
Harley

It is quite usual for the first time to hurt. Your vagina is not really used to an invasion, and since it is a strange new experience it is likely that you are more tense. Make sure that you are really wet or use some lube and then make him go slow. I suspect that you will adjust before long.

Use lots of lube and go cowgirl (you be on top). Tell him to just lay there and enjoy. That way you control the depth and speed of penetration and if you're uncomfortable with anything you can easily just lift up and back off until it feels better.

Have fun!

Hello all,

Thank you so much for all of your advice and comments. I hope you are all doing well.

HollyC