Masturbation

Well if you seriously do not want to be part of this mess, I sure hope you are not a representative member of your generation. Because if you guys stop reproducing altogether, who will pay into medicare and ssdi and all of that?..

Oh dear. well I just hope that we can keep propagating but we're too young.
this generation is degenerating. the other day I caught two dudes in the restroom sniffing something really sweet--not sure if it was drugs or something but I was like boy no wonder our generation is not like the ones who went to school before us. back then there was no virtual porn, no drugs, fewer crimes, fewer...everything.

yeah i joked around with my teacher about how when kids don't lock the doors in the restroom or else others will think they're masturbating.

as for the porn issue, I have already spoken to my school therapist about this. I asked him about masturbation and he says that when he was young, he associated with friends who watched lots and lots of porn. I was wondering, doesn't porn work just like cocaine? it leaves you trying to go back to it and trying to satisfy your void in your life. gosh, man...i'm sick of watching it. he told me that and i was a bit surprised like i didn't think that he, a man who grew up in a loving family, would actually be involved in this...

i then went back asking him when i was stop masturbating and he's all like dude you're hormones are still firing and i'm just thinking gosh if other kids who never touched that stuff then that means i shouldn't either and why should i if i already have a reason not to. don't my hormones know what i want?
i tend to digress a lot so if there's anything that you would like to clarify, please let me know.

Humans are biologically wired to want to have sex. In fact, it isn't a desire, it's a need. Our bodies and brains require sex/sexual activity to maintain physical and psychological health. Masturbation is completely natural and completely healthy. It is common throughout the animal kingdom and there are articles upon articles written by scholars on the health benefits of masturbation.

Porn is not like cocaine. Cocaine creates a physical need within you to have more cocaine. Before ever trying cocaine, your body doesn't want or need the drug. Porn and masturbation fulfills a pre-existing human need to have sex. It is not at all like cocaine and it's in fact more like food. We need food to survive. Some people, however, do use food to fill an emotional void and in that sense it becomes something like an addiction (I hesitate to call it an actual addiction because it is technically a form of an eating disorder). However, just because some people have problems with "food addictions" should we avoid eating all together? Of course not! It's the same thing with masturbation/porn. Our bodies need sex! The "void" you describe and how we keep wanting to go back to it isn't because of the porn but instead because of a natural biological hunger for sex. It doesn't matter how much of a loving family you come from or how perfect your upbringing was, you will have sexual urges.

Why do you feel so guilty about this? Why do you think that porn and masturbation is wrong?

Also, this is not true. Satistically speaking, our generation actually has a lower teen pregnancy rate and drug use rate than the previous one. Drugs have been around forever and they were probably even in your grandmother's school. Crime rates overall are lower than they were 20, 30 years ago. This generation is not any worse or better than the previous ones with or without virtual porn.

Great points, growl

What the hell kind of fantasy life are you living in? Back then there was no virtual porn, there was magazines which boys and fathers kept stacks hidden in secret stashes, strip clubs, and prostitution. There was way more prostitution back then because AIDS and many other STD's were not discovered back then and people were not as aware of it, but there were drastically more men and women involved in prostitution back then today.

Of course there were drugs back then, there have ALWAYS been drugs. Every culture has their own history of drug use. Our founding fathers were marijuana users back when that wasn't a controversy. And have you ever heard of the 60's and 70's? Acid, weed, LSD, cocaine, all of those drugs were very popular those days, and that was the era your parents grew up in.

And I guess you've never watched any cop movies from any era, because there have always been crime for thousands of years. War, robbery, gunslingers, mobs and the mafia in the 20s...Just because this generation of crimes are different, doesn't mean that there are more crimes than past generations.

Your views on reality or horrendously skewed. For someone who is 17, you are way too old to be just figuring things out. Instead of trying to stop masturbating and watching porn, as many of us have pointed out to you that this is a very common thing for guys your age to do, ask your therapist WHY you do not want to do this, because we keep asking and you keep avoiding the subject,

I am not avoiding the subject. I wish I had more time for other things than just hte computer. It's such a distraction.

But that doesn't have to do with why you are against masturbation and porn. People can lead fulfilling lives and masturbate. I spend more time on facebook than I do with masturbating and porn and that's more of a time killer. Because really, you watch maybe ten minutes of porn and then a couple minutes of getting off it doesn't take very long to do. But you seem absolutely disgusted by it, which has nothing to do with how long you spend on the computer.

Right, I think its actually just partially normal 17 year old hormonal sex drive, and partially a coping skill that heyitsme has for other issues, that doesn't really solve the problem.

hey... if you're not avoiding the subject, you can start to investigate getting help. Whats your home situation? Family situation? Anyone you can raise the subject of getting some therapy help for you? If resources are a problem there are frequently sliding scale or teaching therapy solutions.

You don't have to go into embarrassing detail-- and put the masturbation thing out of your mind for this conversation-- but just simply say you're feeling terribly troubled... that you're having awful problems socially at school and its gotten to be disturbing to you, and you feel like you could use some help.

If you can get into therapy, you can talk to a professional that's not going to judge you, but instead is going to have empathy and compassion and help you to resolve some of your big issues.

I bet they wont feel nearly quite so big after you've unburdened yourself with a professional.

Edit: you mentioned the school therapist. have you mentioned the whole picture to him? or just the masturbation/porn part? a thought is he may be able to point you towards additional therapy resources... and maybe introduce this to the family if raising this with family is a problem.

It seems to me you're against masturbation because you think it's dirty. Am I right?

Not quite. i'm a bit scatterbrained.

Um, yeah, and it's also because the majority of the asian race frown upon this habit. I don't know of any asians who actually masturbate. I'm asian, and it's rare for someone like me to be doing this.

I have no problems socializing with people. It's just that it's hard for me to maintain the friendships that I made freshman year and now that my friends and I have grown apart, we really don't talk much. That sucks. That's the sad part of reality.

He told me that I should go into therapy but then it's like I used to have one who didn't really help. I had her for a while and all she ever did was ask me the same darn thing again and again. I got tired of it so i quit. I just felt like i wasted two years at the clinic for nothing.

Truth is, I kind of enjoy it, but the thing is I was not brought up to believe that porn was okay. Porn is filthy and is frowned upon by people. you know how those asians are...they're so judgmental. they don't understand that it's acceptable for teens to be wanking and porning, like white folks do. their teens do it and they're fine with it. Gosh, why can't we be more lenient with ourselves?

maybe the ones who will have kids. I plan on having no kids right now because teenagers become rebellious by the minute. I can't deal with it.

my head hurts a lot after porning and masturbating.. that's another reason i want to stop.

My wife is asain and she masturbates.

Create work. Make people dig ditches, even if later on you will make them throw the dirt back into the ditches to make roads even.

Roosevelt and the New Deal - North Carolina Digital History

So if your problem is that you do not have enough activities and basically default to masturbation for lack of anything else to do, create work - get out and dig ditches. Eventually you will be OK.

A lot of people have tried to point to you that there is nothing wrong in your masturbation. You have been completely impenetrable to any of their attempts to alleviate your guilt feelings and improve your life. OK, so nothing has so far worked from the rational side of things.

You have also tried "addiction" and "12 step" approaches, which have failed as would have been expected. So, nothing has so far worked from the oppressive side of things, either.

OK, so that leaves us with your time budget - you have a certain number of waking hours and in the absence of competing interests, you occupy those waking hours with masturbation and are unhappy about it. Well, occupy those waking hours with something else!

(btw.. You mentioned being ashamed of speaking your own language. This is an abnormal cultural-social belief. Thats something no one should feel badly for... So yeah, you have a social issue going on, if only in some ways.)

There is a concept in mental health called cognitive distortions. They are ideas that your subconscious develops based on your experiences, either good or bad, and that you use to predict future events and interact with other people.

If you have preconceived notions about what's going wrong with you, and stubbornly hold onto that position, no therapist will be able to help you, and you'll just spin your wheels in therapy.

Another reason why therapy can be unproductive is that you either consciously hide issues or practice self deception regarding what's going on in therapy. If a therapist isn't informed, they can't read your mind...

Lastly, not all therapists are (a) skilled in your particular problem set or (b) will mesh with you personality wise. (b) is theoretically more important than (a), but both matter.

Just because you saw one therapist and didn't get anything out of it, doesn't mean that will repeat with the next therapist (unless you were stubborn or deceptive, that is.)

Maybe just the fact that you're a little older will mean you have a different experience too.

It seems like you're a bit of a broken record. No one here can help justify your shame and guilt over masturbation, because sex isn't inherently dirty or bad. It's simply human.

No amount of posting in threads about sexuality or masturbation are going to fix this, because from my POV, that's the symptom, not the problem (although symptoms are distressing, but they get solved by fixing the problem.)

I'd repeat... Try therapy again. Maybe try to get an Asian therapist too? Try to take as open an attitude into therapy as you can, and you might find it to be entirely different experience this time.

EDIT: btw... If you want to dig and fill a ditch in replying to people on the Internet, and you're in a debate thats going nowhere, instead of picking out small parts of others' posts that you can answer, try answering the debated post as a whole. Picking and choosing what you reply to is practicing overt confirmation bias (believing things that agree with your existing beliefs, ignoring others.)