Masturbation

maybe the ones who will have kids. I plan on having no kids right now because teenagers become rebellious by the minute. I can't deal with it.

my head hurts a lot after porning and masturbating.. that's another reason i want to stop.

My wife is asain and she masturbates.

Create work. Make people dig ditches, even if later on you will make them throw the dirt back into the ditches to make roads even.

Roosevelt and the New Deal - North Carolina Digital History

So if your problem is that you do not have enough activities and basically default to masturbation for lack of anything else to do, create work - get out and dig ditches. Eventually you will be OK.

A lot of people have tried to point to you that there is nothing wrong in your masturbation. You have been completely impenetrable to any of their attempts to alleviate your guilt feelings and improve your life. OK, so nothing has so far worked from the rational side of things.

You have also tried "addiction" and "12 step" approaches, which have failed as would have been expected. So, nothing has so far worked from the oppressive side of things, either.

OK, so that leaves us with your time budget - you have a certain number of waking hours and in the absence of competing interests, you occupy those waking hours with masturbation and are unhappy about it. Well, occupy those waking hours with something else!

(btw.. You mentioned being ashamed of speaking your own language. This is an abnormal cultural-social belief. Thats something no one should feel badly for... So yeah, you have a social issue going on, if only in some ways.)

There is a concept in mental health called cognitive distortions. They are ideas that your subconscious develops based on your experiences, either good or bad, and that you use to predict future events and interact with other people.

If you have preconceived notions about what's going wrong with you, and stubbornly hold onto that position, no therapist will be able to help you, and you'll just spin your wheels in therapy.

Another reason why therapy can be unproductive is that you either consciously hide issues or practice self deception regarding what's going on in therapy. If a therapist isn't informed, they can't read your mind...

Lastly, not all therapists are (a) skilled in your particular problem set or (b) will mesh with you personality wise. (b) is theoretically more important than (a), but both matter.

Just because you saw one therapist and didn't get anything out of it, doesn't mean that will repeat with the next therapist (unless you were stubborn or deceptive, that is.)

Maybe just the fact that you're a little older will mean you have a different experience too.

It seems like you're a bit of a broken record. No one here can help justify your shame and guilt over masturbation, because sex isn't inherently dirty or bad. It's simply human.

No amount of posting in threads about sexuality or masturbation are going to fix this, because from my POV, that's the symptom, not the problem (although symptoms are distressing, but they get solved by fixing the problem.)

I'd repeat... Try therapy again. Maybe try to get an Asian therapist too? Try to take as open an attitude into therapy as you can, and you might find it to be entirely different experience this time.

EDIT: btw... If you want to dig and fill a ditch in replying to people on the Internet, and you're in a debate thats going nowhere, instead of picking out small parts of others' posts that you can answer, try answering the debated post as a whole. Picking and choosing what you reply to is practicing overt confirmation bias (believing things that agree with your existing beliefs, ignoring others.)

When you write something, it would be good if you checked your facts before posting.

That the crime rate has gone up, per your assertion - has that been checked?

That Asians do not masturbate - has that been checked?

So I think I have the kind of ditch you need to dig - how about you do research before posting, and this way, you will be using the Internet in ways other than solely for 1) porn 2) complaints about porn? So it will still be your using the computer, but not for the purposes of masturbating and only masturbating?

How about you figure out where the crime stats have been in REALITY over the past few generations? Start Law Enforcement, Courts, & Prisons - The 2012 Statistical Abstract - U.S. Census Bureau and work yourself through it.

well when i wake up, I often feel like i should be isolated from the world. I feel like I'm afraid of walking out of my house because then people who drive by will know where I live and my friends whom i hardly cross paths with will be able to recognize my house. So, I try to not go out so much. Plus, after watching porn, I feel like I don't want to come out into the world again. I would be pretty cautious because it seems like people are condemning me for that kind of behavior. They act like they don't have any addictions whatsoever. They look at you with downright mean eyes and I'm just thinking,"Is it just me, or did that man/woman just glare at me?"

The therapist was asian, and yes, for the most part, I had been lying to her about everything because she was being too intrusive with her questions. At the moment we needed to find a place to move and we told her where we've been looking in and all she ever did was how have you been recently or are you still looking into houses in this area? Did anyone bully you? Yeah, i was still young and I saw her quite frequently and if I didn't, she would get upset because according to her, it was the company's policy. So yeah, after that, I did not see her much and eventually ended up quitting altogether. I understand the concept of confirmation bias very well, and we often do that a lot. Like for me, since I have allowed myself to be traditional, I let myself cling to traditional values. At times, I find them contradicting myself and I start to go along with modern values. Like one time I was like abortion is okay because a fetus killed will not experience a hint of pain, just like a friend of mine had purported. He stated that being pro-choice was beneficial in that it gave women the right to decide if she could abort it or leave it alone. True, I agree that a person has rights, but since a fetus will turn into a baby eventually, why shouldn't they be allowed to live? And is rape a justification for your actions? For me, it's like unless if it's going to endanger the woman's health, then I don't see any need for her to get rid of her potential child. I want to come around, but at times I find myself not being very accepting of those who oppose my beliefs.

I am talking about the older generations, like grandma's or maybe the women in their 50s. we are part of the modern generation, but they aren't. If they know that you've been masturbating, then you're basically just screwed.

More like you don't know any Asians that admit to it.

I think you need an MD p-doc for paranoid ideation.

I think that the main reason SO many of us have been utter failures trying to get through to you is because of your paranoid ideation. Everything that has been said so far in various attempts to get through to you has been said with the hope that logic would have some positive effect on you, but it wouldn't since logic is pretty much hopeless against strong paranoid ideation.

Did you say all of that (quotation above) to your school therapist? What did he say in response?

I am sorry but it seems that you do need antipsychotics because therapy alone won't fix this issue. It would be good to see a p-doc (psychiatrist) who specializes in adolescents, since pharmacotherapy in your age group is trickier than in the adult group.

You probably need a combination of T and antipsychotics.

Doesn't porn kill your brain cells? Afterwards, my head hurts and there's like a sensation in my brain that makes my head kind of warm. I don't know what it is, so I assumed that it was my brain cells getting axed. I mean, watching porn has really made it hard for me to reason well. i feel like the ones who reason well have not been watching porn at all but instead focusing on other stuff. They seem more analytical, less concrete. I have a pretty concrete mind, but my history teacher thinks i'm analytical. I disagree because when it comes to working on english and it tells me to synthesize or analyze and duh duh duh, i just answer it with several words and that's it. I can't go in-depth.

Nope.. Thats not brain cells dying. That's the norepinephrine and dopamine surging through your brain. Normal.

And it doesn't have much to do with reason, per se... but if you're beating yourself up so much, you will get depressed, and that will effect your reasoning.

that is not true, but given what you posted about believing that other people are condemning you, I will no longer try to challenge your view of reality. You do need medical attention with this. This kind of thing won't go away on its own.

very true. even on television, you don't see many asians committing crimes. Truth is, just because one does not broadcast it, does not mean that it does not exist. Recently a guy from one of the high schools in my district slept with a teacher. You'd think he's nonwhite, but turns out he was asian.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Therapy won't work if you lie to your therapist. The trick to understand is... if you don't want to answer something, instead of lying, say you don't want to answer that.. and the feeling that it brought up-- the why.

That will clue the therapist in that she needs to use a different approach.

Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - since you are already 17, that would be for you.

In other words, if you are really interested in what kind of intelligence you have, there is a formal, well-validated way to find out. It just costs money. But at least you will know and that knowledge might help make education and career decisions later on. I think it would be money well spent.

i told the school therapist about it. I was like what about the dark circles around my eyes? it seems as though everyone knew that I was watching porn yesterday because they keep looking at me. As soon as i walk behind or approach someone, they just turn around and look at me. it's like they're being paranoid or something.

I am paranoid too because i think that all that staring is stemming from my porn problem. then my counselor reassured me that nobody knows your secret activity. i was like whew! but it's hard because after watching porn, you feel like once you walk out of your house, those guys will glance up or stare at me, and most of the time they're not even aware of that because when you ask them that they look befuddled and everything.
Maybe the need to cover up is probably why I am so afraid of "getting caught".

I would add Lycanthrope's idea into the mix: just as OP lied to his therapist, so do other Asian people lie (no, not lie, but refrain from disclosing) when asked about their masturbation habits, and that network of lies creates an impression of Asian people being different from the rest of us.

But then again, this is all logic and logic won't work.

He told me that dude, nobody knows your secret activity. Maybe you're just a little too paranoid. People have been telling me that. it seems like everyone else notices me too much, and when i ask them, i sound like an idiot. all they're doing is just glancing up to me and i think that the "hostility" in their eyes is mainly due to their seemingly angry look. I start talking to them and their voice sounds pretty gentle, so no i don't think they were mad. But i hate keeping a stiff upper lip in public and when others do it i perceive it as hostile.

i also think that because i've been told to be pure and chaste, I have not been really opened myself up to scientific reasoning for this type of behavior. i guess it's just the beliefs that I've been taught a few years back when I was still masturbating. I tried to convince myself that it was not normal and i just became very teary-eyed one day that i just did not want to believe in the stuff that i was told.

this was a few years ago. I did not have pornography in mind. but my current one...i feel like I can be more forthcoming since he's a male and he does not ask way too many private questions, like super private questions.

(sorry about talking to hamster about you, in here, heyitsme... but you can use some help, and need to try a different direction... just brainstorming.)

I'm agreeing with you about the paranoia here. I agree with the psychiatrist suggestion. All of the conditions connected with paranoia benefit from medicines, afaik... talk alone probably won't resolve.

So your school counselor is a complete moron. When a psychotic person approaches a school counselor with your kind of ideation, the school counselor should make a medical referral. The school counselor should realize that there is no point in trying to "reassure" you that nobody knows your secret activity. There is also no point in trying to "reassure" everybody who believes that he is Jesus Christ by saying that no, they are simply John Doe's and not Jesus Christ. That is what antipsychotics are for. Sometimes "reassurance" does not work and you do need antipsychotics. Or perhaps a combination of reassurance and antipsychotics, but not just reassurance.

When will you become old enough to schedule your own psych intake?

i blame my porn as a result of my failure to analyze situations carefully. Others go more in depth and i'm just being direct. when someone has a better answer than i do in literature, i feel like i'm not meeting up to their standards and I'm just like maybe it's my porn habit that's ruining my brain.