[meric_2]

Hi,
I need someone to help me in this. I am an asian and before when I was about 28 years old while studying in Europe made some contacts with hookers. 3 of them to be exact. We had sex on a pay basis – like usual. The third time with the third girl was just a handjob. I think she was not satisfied with me because of my bad look or because of my height (I am just 165 cm) that she refuse to have sex like usual. Can anyone help me in this? I need to know from your societies’ (the American and hopefully the European too) point of view whether the third time is counted as sex or not? I need to explain this to my future wife that I am going to marry. In my country as long as one does not do it anymore that is considered as that man is turned already to the better. That’s positive. However due to the tv and influences from the western world, my society is also turning their view on things... I need to know this information because then I can prepare my self if smthg accidentally pops out of my mouth.
Another thing what would you say to me assuming you know about this.... For your information, I got interested in them because I was having so much stress finishing my Masters and also due to the fact that it is some sort of a taboo for me and my family everything that has got to do with sex.

Thank you guys for the replies....

[hamster-bamster]

165 cm is not short for an Asian man.

Why was the hooker denying you access to professional services is not something we can really offer explanations for.

If you feel that you need to inform your future wife of these occasions, I suggest that you inform her the way you posted on here, i.e. tell the facts. Whether you tag the incident as "sex" or "not sex" has no consequences.

Are you going to marry an Asian, European, or American woman? Do you have anybody in mind or you are just planning ahead?

Did you finish your Masters?

Was whatever happened in-between you and the hookers practiced in a safe (safer) manner?

[hamster-bamster]

PS A handjob is a manipulation of a sexual organ that results in an ejaculation. Do you think it is sex or not sex?

[robutts]

If you feel as if it was sex, then it was. Nobody can make that decision for you.

As for telling your wife, I agree in that you should just keep it simple and to the point. You could just mention that you'd paid for sex during your college years because you were busy and stressed, and wanted her to know and leave it at that. You'll know if she takes issue with it, and you'll know if she doesn't.

As for western culture (lots of cultures in that group!), it depends on the group of people, the region, and definitely the person. I was surprised to find that I didn't care when my husband told me that he used to work in the industry as a driver and in sex shops. All you can do is be honest and hope for the best.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by meric_2

Hi,
I need someone to help me in this. I am an asian and before when I was about 28 years old while studying in Europe made some contacts with hookers. 3 of them to be exact. We had sex on a pay basis – like usual. The third time with the third girl was just a handjob. I think she was not satisfied with me because of my bad look or because of my height (I am just 165 cm) that she refuse to have sex like usual. Can anyone help me in this? I need to know from your societies’ (the American and hopefully the European too) point of view whether the third time is counted as sex or not?

I have re-read your post and am perplexed.

So, if it is sex in the view of a relevant society, then you have had 3 instances of sex.

If it is not sex in the view of a relevant society, then you have had 2 instances of sex.

I do appreciate the fact that 3 is 50% over 2, but still, it seems that the difference is marginal. To put it simply, why do you care? How is 3 so different from 2? Or, 2 from 3?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by meric_2

In my country as long as one does not do it anymore that is considered as that man is turned already to the better. That’s positive.

That is really funny and reminds me of a well-known joke:

"A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.

A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asks, "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest, "How many times?"

Woman, "Three times."

Priest, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest, "What did you do?"

Man, "I committed adultery."

Priest, "How many times?"

Man, "Three times."

Priest, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi, "What did you do?"

Woman, "I committed adultery."

Rabbi, "How many times?"

Woman, "Once."

Rabbi, "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.""

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by meric_2

In my country as long as one does not do it anymore that is considered as that man is turned already to the better. That’s positive.

So it seems that in your country they do not, currently, run the "three for $5" special; instead, it seems, they focus on the length of time elapsed since the last incident of paid sex (or, any sex?.. unclear).

If that is the case, then I can definitely see why you would need to know how to categorize the handjob, because if you, say, had the first two instances of sex in 2010 and the handjob in 2011, then you can either claim a 3-year period of positive change, or, only a 2-year period of positive change, and, if you need a certain length of abstinence to qualify as an eligible bachelor, then, of course, you need to come to some sort of a conclusion regarding the handjob.

So is that why you are worried and need to know?

[unaluna]

According to President Clinton (and me) the third time was not sex. Otherwise I'm gonna have to cut quite a few more notches in my belt - I'm gonna need a longer belt!

The third time with the third girl was just a handjob.

Can anyone help me in this? I need to know from your societies’ (the American and hopefully the European too) point of view whether the third time is counted as sex or not?

Yes, I do believe that is considered sex.

[Phreak]

A handjob isn't sex.

And why would anybody pay for a handjob? Oral maybe..

[meric_2]

I am planning ahead to marry an Asian woman.
I am continuing my Masters here in the home country as there is a MOU between our universities. I work with the government in between...
What do you mean by safe manners? With protection? Of course....

[meric_2]

I just needed to know for myself whether it was sex or not.....

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by meric_2

I am planning ahead to marry an Asian woman.
I am continuing my Masters here in the home country as there is a MOU between our universities. I work with the government in between...
What do you mean by safe manners? With protection? Of course....

yes,

safe=with protection.

Good for you.

As you have been able to observe, people differ with respect to the issue of whether the third instance was sex. I hope, though, that you have been able to get clarity in your own mind.

[unaluna]

It wasn't riding a bicycle! But there was no (well, very little) chance of a child being conceived, so that might be a consideration.

Originally Posted by Phreak

A handjob isn't sex.

And why would anybody pay for a handjob? Oral maybe..

Agree. It was not sex.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by hankster

It wasn't riding a bicycle!

I wish I could find it on YT now but I cannot.

As everybody knows, Amsterdam is full of sex and full of bicycles and full of canals and full of other good things.

So a few years ago there was a splendid YT video about a girl who was riding a bicycle in Amsterdam (and the bicycles in Amsterdam are those prehistoric contraptions - not at all like high-tech multi-gear etc. sports bicycles), and, little by little, getting aroused.

At the end of the video, the girl comes - as far as I remember,

1) she had to stop by a utility pole and embrace the utility pole with her arms to keep herself steady for the climax (at the time of my watching the video in 2008, I did not realize that the utility pole has a phallic form, but now I do )

2) the automobile traffic around her stopped, too, to observe and wonder.

So, the morale is, bicycles can be quite sexual.