A disappointment.

That's how I feel anyway. I just have no libido right now. Literally zero. My poor boyfriend is putting up with it but I can tell he's getting really frustrated now.

The other night he said 'I thought we might have sex like a normal couple'

He asked again tonight and I'm just pushing him away. I feel terrible but I can't just magic myself into wanting to.

I don't really want any advise or anything, just needed to vent.

Which medications are you on? Is your psychiatrist, if you have one, aware of your loss of libido?

Lamotrigine, venlafaxine and quetiapine.

And no, haven't seen a psychiatrist for a long time! My therapist is gonna talk to one though as he figures my meds aren't working anymore as it is.

Might be worth starting to do some foreplay with your boyfriend even without a libido. You might become interested during foreplay.

It's just I can't even really stand the thought of anything to do with sex lately. For some reason it just seems to scare me? I dunno. I'm finding it hard to put it into words. I don't even want to be touched.

I apologised to him last night for not really being a girlfriend anymore. It's like we're not a couple. And then it turned into a discussion about breaking up and guilt and if I'm a lesbian! :/

Part of me wonders if we should break up. I'm holding him back, he's basically put his life on hold for me and I'm not making any progress. And he said himself if I end up being successful in an attempt to end my life then he will be racked with guilt for the rest of his life.

My head is all over the place today.

My understanding is that venlafaxine can cause a loss of libido. I'm on it and it does cause anorgasmia for me once in a while. You might have a talk with the Doc about different medications. Venlafaxine can be a real nightmare to detox off of, but another med might help.

Effexor (this drug's brand name in the US) can cause more than a loss of libido. I have a male friend who is bipolar towards the depressive side; he reported having "unhedonistic ejaculation" with his wife:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia‎
This condition means that the person will ejaculate with no accompanying sense of pleasure.


Is it common?

Venlafaxine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Abnormal ejaculation/orgasm - 12% (0%)

12% is a LOT!!!

So you are basically taking a drug that has been known to screw up sexuality big time (!!!) and instead of talking to the psychiatrist about this drug, you are feeling guilty that you might be a lesbian. And, thinking of breaking up.

To that I say: let us start with the simple and straightforward as we hypothesize about the cause of your lack of libido.

What is simpler and more straightforward:

1) You are reacting to a medication that is well known for causing sexual side effects (as Webgoji pointed out, it also causes nightmarish detox if you were to quit, as I have learned from that friend of mine who does not experience joy from orgasms)...

or

2) You are, all of a sudden, a lesbian, even though you have never felt inclined to engage in homosexual relating (interpreting the omission in the OP to mean that you have never felt so inclined).

So, what is the SIMPLER one?

...

And yet, you have not seen a psychiatrist for a long time. And even though your therapist at least wants to obtain psychiatric consultation, the therapist is not motivated by your lack of libido. The therapist is motivated by T's belief that the meds aren't working anymore (we do not know and whether they are is a completely separate issue). So, then I start thinking that perhaps you have not reported lack of libido to the T and that is why the T is clueless. Have you talked to the T about it?

Oh yes I know the hell of coming off this drug, I've stopped cold turkey too many times now, once was even told to by the psychiatrist!!

And yeah, I know I'm not a lesbian, it was a weird conversation and that kind of came out of the blue due to his insecurities.

I've never really spoken to my T about this tbh. It's never seemed much of an issue really, but lately it just seems to be getting to my boyfriend more than usual. And while I saw my T on Wednesday there were more pressing issues that needed to be talked about than my sex life!