[Secretum]

I'm bisexual, and I've always been baffled by people who are exclusively attracted to one gender. Why does what is between someone's legs matter so much? Why, if someone with the perfect personality, combatibility, etc. came along, would you reject him/her based on whether or not they have a penis? We are capable of forming deep emotional bonds with people of either gender. Sex can be good with a member of either sex, and an orgasm is an orgasm! It doesn't matter who gave it to you...

But at the same time, my attractions to men and women are not symmetrical. Almost all of my serious attractions have been towards women. I thought that that was because all of my friends were female, so I only really got to know women. But now, I have some guy friends, and I still am more attracted to females. My guy friends are amazing-intelligent, passionate, just as emotional as my female friends. One of them isn't bad looking. But when I think of a relationship with him, my thoughts immediately go towards the pride of bring a man home to my parents and having biological children. I don't get excited just by the prospect of being with him, like I do around the women I'm attracted to.

Why is this? Why are we more attracted to one sex over the other?

[Pandoren]

I guess, from a species point of view, the whole point is heterosexual attraction is the one that makes the babies, so with that reasoning, it's more about why are we sometimes attracted to anything other than this rather than asking why we are sometimes restricted to this. I don't think there is any easy or definite reason why people are attracted to the same sex which isn't helped by the fact that some explanations can be perceived as offensive by those to whom it applies. Even if attraction to the same sex is caused by (and I don't mean this offensively) a biological accident that causes attraction in the "wrong" direction, there might be some evolutionary benefits to this, such as aiding bonding through affection and emotion. I have thought at times that while people find others of the opposite sex aesthetically attractive for reproductive reasons, it is also normal to find members of the same sex aesthetically attractive (with or without sexual attraction) in order to gauge the attractiveness of competition for their chosen partner. In any case, I don't know nearly enough about biology to really formulate any theories but I've also thought that there must be (at least) two different mechanisms in human kind- one to detect male pheromones in order to respond sexually to them (in the case of females) and the other vice versa... The existence of bi/pansexuals seems to indicate that either we all have both of these, only one is "switched off" in monosexual people, or otherwise that only bi/pansexuals have both, which I think is less likely. In my case of course, they are both "switched off". Maybe in bi/pans with a bias, it just means that one of these is better at perceiving the pheramones than the other or something, I don't know. And with all that waffle, I'll stop...

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Secretum

Why is this? Why are we more attracted to one sex over the other?

I can only speak for myself, but even though I'm strictly heterosexual, I'm not sexually attracted to every women I meet. Some I am, some I am not. So it's not just the gender of the other person, but a list of qualities that makes certain women sexually attractive to me. I've never met a man that had that list of qualities that include physical as well as emotional traits.

[growlithing]

I agree with you that in a perfect world, genitals really shouldn't be so important. I think bisexuality is beautiful in that regard.

But... I really don't like vagina. Like I would rather be celibate than do anything physically intimate with another woman's vagina. Hell, there is a long list of painful things I'd rather do than deal with another woman's vagina.

But it is more than just having a general disgust for female genitals. I also don't like women. I've never met a woman who takes my breath away like a man can. I've met great women but I never see them as more than just people I could be friends with. I am just hard wired to want to be with a man on an emotional level.

There is more to it than just gender though. I'm not attracted to every man just as I'm sure lesbians aren't attracted to every woman. The men I'm attracted to are far and few between. Some of the ones I am attracted to aren't necessarily great people. Sometimes, I'll be wildly attracted to a total d-bag because of whatever reason. I wouldn't necessarily date him, but I'm still physically attracted.

I think human sexuality is something very complicated but probably genetic in nature. My genetic code won't allow me to see women in a sexual way. Some women can't see men in a sexual way and some women can see both. It is a little sad actually because I'm sure that there are many great aspects of being with a woman that I'll never be able to experience because I literally don't even notice them on even a casual level.

I really consider sexuality to be like a food preference to be honest. I hate pickles. Many people love them, but I just despise them. I could try to explain why I hate pickles to a pickle lover, but they wouldn't really be able to understand because enjoying that particular food is as natural to them as hating it is to me. I'm sure there are many fantastic dishes that feature pickles, but I'm never going to be able to appreciate them because I just can't stand that food.

[allme]

Personally as a straight lady, I don't find women sexually attractive and couldn't grapple with the idea of certain 'acts' down below....not that there is anything wrong with it! Live and let live and all that but as ppl understand your choices, try and understand it's not so appealing to other folk

[MotownJohnny]

Biology. Case closed.

You could argue why aren't we all born heterosexual. I've nothing against gay or bi-sexuals, but same sex doesn't really serve a purpose other then pleasure. Well also intimacy, but no reproduction.

But hey, people can do what they want.