I'm hurting really bad and so confused over affair partners scat fetish

Hello I'm new here and not sure if anyone here can point me in the right direction. I am not going to act like I did nothing wrong in this so let me start off by just saying I messed up really bad this year and had an affair. Ive been married 16 years and this past January my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore so I did the wrong thing and had an affair. I was so hurt by what my husband said I think I must have lost my mind for awhile. I lost a lot of weight and changed the way I looked and dressed. I found myself a 26 year old online and started an affair with him. This entire time I was seeing him I was thinking he would be my next bf or even husband. Well he told me he was single when we first met but I found out 2 months ago he has a gf and she is completely clueless to who this guy really is and has no idea about his strange fetish. I didn't learn about the strange fetish of course until a few months had gone by and I found myself really falling for him and wanting to leave my husband for him. Well I confessed to my husband that I did have an affair and he is working on trying to forgive me but I can't get some things straight in my mind. I haven't talked to the other man since November and I'm sure he will contact me again at some point. He told me he wanted to tell me about his fetish and it is scat. He wanted me to do it in his mouth! At the time he asked me I couldn't even think of doing something so strange ever! The scariest thing was I actually thought about doing it just to make him like me more. How sick is that? I'm so heartbroken and torn right now between what to do. My head tells me to delete all his pics and emails and try and work things out with my husband who I am no longer attracted to at all but my heart tells me I'm in love with the other man. When I asked the other man about his strange fetish and why he would want that he said it is the most mentally erotic thing that you can do. Can someone please help me understand this? I just can't and I really can't talk about this with anyone. I guess I've just had a really sheltered life but I never in a million years would have thought I would have picked the biggest freak in the entire state of Texas and I think I'm in love with him. I'm torn on what to do? We only slept together a total of 11-12 times and I would think I should be able to get him out of my head but I can't and I need advice. Please don't beat me up for cheating on my husband I know I should have just got a divorce but I made the wrong decision. The other man doesn't even look like a freak...he looks completely normal and is very attractive. I'm just lost on what to do and I'm beginning to wonder if he and I aren't soul mates because we just click so well even if I am a lot older than he is. Please help.

Scat play is a common BDSM fetish. I can't offer any feedback to this fetish as I do not understand this fetish or how it appeals myself, but I can point you to the right direction.

Fetlife is a social media website for people into BDSM and all other fetishes. You will need to create an account which is free, and they have a lot of forums for all different subjects and topics, and they have a novice and beginners section as well.

If you do not want to participate in scat play, don't. I wouldn't say it's for beginners, but I have no idea how to participate in it and what you have to do to get the scat to be the right consistency, because I believe it has to be liquid-y as far as I could tell in pictures I've seen. And if scat is involved he'll also likely be interested in being urinated on. If you love him, but don't want to do scat play, then don't do the scat play.

Hi Lostsoul. I hope I can be of some help.

Don't worry...I don't think anyone is going to beat you up. I am going to address the affair aspect of it, but you won't be judged here.

Speaking specifically to the scat fetish without any other factors considered, I'd tell you that if you're not into it, you simply are not into it. Don't, regardless of what it is, let yourself be talked into doing something you aren't comfortable with. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Simple as that. If it's significant enough for him that it signals overall incompatibility, I'd say you two are simply incompatible.

That aside, I do think that in the long term, it's more beneficial to you to address your marital status before doing anything else. Part of me fears that due to the stress of your husband's abrupt emotional end to the marriage in his announcement, you're, possibly, more attracted to this guy than you would be otherwise, and are possibly overlooking flaws or downplaying them in order to keep him. You've already noted in no uncertain terms your disgust for the fetish, yet you did mention you considered it. That's my signal there.

Outside of that, it's ultimately for the best for both you and your husband to either end things amicably or to try to work things out. Right now, your current situation isn't, in the long run, going to help either one of you. Additionally, the scat guy (sorry...don't know how else to address him) needs to do the same with his gf. Things like this, in my experience, tend to hit a breaking point, and hurt a lot of people. Don't get me wrong...not at all judging you, as I appreciate what a horrific shock your husband's admission must be to you, and I can't say with certainty how I would handle it if I were in your shoes. I just think it's best to work on you before you work on these other things, including either relationship.

Hugs, and I hope things work out for the best,
Harley

I have been in a similar situation before, and as mentioned above, don't ever force yourself to be participant into something you aren't interested in. It is very sad, but true.
You shouldn't force yourself to be with someone you aren't compatible with.
If he is into scat, then he needs to look for someone who is into it too, period.
You aren't and I recommend you to talk things out with your husband, and I truly hope that he and you solve what is left.
I wish you the best, hugs.

Yeah, thankfully, coprophilia isn't appealing to me either! Since you're torn between the two guys, I'd make a pro's and con's list for both, then go with your gut instinct on what to do! Best of luck!!

There is no way, to the extent I understand those things and I have only main read about them, to predict from appearance whether a person is a freak, sexually. I am on OKCupid, but irregularly - I check messages and matches very sporadically. Today, for some reason, I was given a match of a Brit living in Britain. He is very attractive and looks completely normal, but, per his profile, is a domme (I actually thought that domme is a female, but this is how he put it) and is so seriously into BDSM that he offers advice for newbies on spanking etc. For me all BDSM is freakish, and thus, for me, he is a freak, but there is no way I could have told from looking at this face. I think it was a failure of the OKC algorithm because why would they give me a British BDSM guy as a match when I stated that I was looking for local guys only, and I answered so many questions that it is clear to the algorithm that I am not into kink.

In general, I feel for you - it is very hard when you are in love with a person who is for one reason or another not a good match for you. I think that you are in that situation.

First of all - he's not a freak.

Fetishes aren't rational - people don't choose to have them. What you haven't made clear is whether this is an issue threatening your relationship or something he isn't really that concerned about you participating in. All you've said is that you're not comfortable with it. There have been a lot of couples who can't perform something the other partner wants and have managed to remain a couple. I don't know how serious this situation is but otherwise you can only leave him and work on your marriage - or leave both men and improve on your own happiness. Clearly this man isn't happy in his own relationship to go ahead and cheat on his unsuspecting girlfriend, I wonder why you'd want to add his unhappiness to yours? Perhaps a clean break is advisable, surely continuing with something you're unsure of will only lead to more hurt in the end?

Definitely discuss the issue, I don't think you can expect this person to change - they know what it is they want, but I think it's important to find out just how much they want it. I mean if this person has already cheated it wouldn't surprise me if they did start looking elsewhere for someone to better meet their needs. It sounds to me like they have particular difficulty in expressing just what they want.

At least you're in a position now where you can choose what it is you want. Good luck.