regret because of not having sex and party in youth :(

Hi. I'm 27 years old and i never had sex. Its not because of my bad look, but because of my low selfconfidence since high scool. Years were flying by and here we are - 27. You will probably say go out and find somebody, but the problem is also those thaughts that are taking all my will to live away. I cant deal with the facts that i lost 12 years of my live and havent experienced nothing. Not going out into the club with friends in young years and party, no kissing, no sex, no one night stands, relationship, travelling. All things that for most people are normal. Because of that i dont feel competitive to girls that i like and i feel they all are much better then me, on higher level and i'm not good enough for them and all of the people, because i havent alived so much then others, was almost all the time at home and work.

The problem is, i can't look on women i find attractive as same human as men. For me women body is art, in every pose (probably comes from porn and idealizing and wanting to lick their bodies all the time). And i cant come over this...and when i add that those beautiful bodies had so much fun and sex so far, there is no chance to feel the same worth, ever frown.png It doesnt even care what they think, it just this way if you see objectivly simple facts and statistic what they done and what i, so far.

Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i didnt have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i take antidepressants. But nothing cant take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since highschool, were on so many parties and so on. For them its normal to have a penis in their hands or mouth, for me this is science fiction and somebody who is 12 years behind in my opinion can never again be same worth as person who alived all those things in normal years (18-24). Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived. Therefor i dont know what to do, because there is no way out to feel the same worth as those people anymore, that have normal sex live since their high school. To be honest, the best would be this life would be over and i could sleep forever, to not have this fact thoughts every day...

You have serious depressive symptoms. Maybe you need to try another AD (anti-depressant) as there are many on the market and you may need to spend several months in a trial and error process. The thoughts you described here - have you verbalized them to your therapist or psychiatrist?

What is your money situation? You wrote of sex, travel, relationships. I am thinking that travel - finances permitting - should be the first thing to tackle, because it does not require a partner. Plus, my understanding is that there is some interesting action going in European youth hostels, sex-wise . I have never been there myself, but - you get the point. Youth hostels are not monasteries.

If you can afford a vacation, I would say start with that - you will build some confidence and will have more things to talk about on dates. Also, how long do you expect to live based on the genetics (are your parents and grandparents alive, and if not, at what age did they die - these things run in families). Because I, say, now that I have cleared the stage of suicidality, expect to live until 80-90 - we have longevity running in the family. So I also had several years without sex because I was on such medications that all my sexuality was erased as if it had never existed. So I had that, but now I console myself with the knowledge that I am not scheduled to die just yet, so there would be time to catch up.

You said 12 years.

For me, it was more than 3 years, so not quite your situation, but still, I hope you will adopt my attitude.

I understand how you feel, stiven. Though I am a year younger than you, I am also a virgin and I haven't ever really been able to move towards a relationship that meets my emotional needs. And I get those physical urges just like any other human being. I have a strong fear of impulsive actions due to my own depressive symptoms, so I never did anything. I couldn't handle parties, clubs, making friends, or any questionable or obviously destructive activity. And while I haven't been hurt by those experiences, like you, I feel I haven't been able to grow.

I've been depressed for around 21 years now and it hurts. I find myself counting the days, not because I want to, but because it's hard not to look back and see what has already been lost. It makes the future that much more hopeless when so much time has already been lost and an unknown amount of time is still to come.

And it gets harder when I look at relationships and feel that twinge of jealousy and the strong feeling that I will never ever have that, the good or the bad. Or, when I look at a woman I find beautiful or interesting, I don't have the drive to make any conversation. I feel like my presence would be in the way and only bring more trouble.

I think it is also exacerbated by the fact that when I was very young, my largest dream was always the "wife and kids" dream. Since I've become older, I've lost all of that. I still have the yearning for the emotional connection with another, but I see it as an impossibility. I'm not good enough or worth enough for it. After all, I am not smart. I am not handsome, confident, talented, and I don't even have the drive or the emotional stability to function well in day to day life. I know I'm not a "catch."

You can gain experience with sexual intercourse by visiting a professional and having sex with her. She can probably give you tips as well, if you ask for them. This way you will catch up on everything you need to know and increase your confidence when you are having intercourse.

Welcome Stiven, glad to have you here.

You are almost my kindred spirit. I, like you, am a virgin, and I'm 31. And like you, I have always been painfully shy around women, especially attractive. I use a self-deprecating sense of humor to hide my lack of confidence. With me, trust issues born out of bullying in middle & high school hurt me too. I had friends in college who would tell me that a girl wanted to have sex with me, but I wouldn't believe them because of my paranoia that they were setting me up to look stupid. What I wouldn't give to just be able to have one night, one woman

I share your feelings too about the issues of having not had sexual experience. Women want men our age with sexual experience. Well, how are we supposed to get it? I have attempted to take Illegal Toilet's advice, but I have been ripped off by one escort and had one other reject me BECAUSE of my virginity. So I truly feel your pain, and hope you can find some happiness with a woman, even if it's a one-time shot. You shouldn't have to feel like you don't want to live (and I will admit yesterday I had suicidal thoughts driving to work because I don't believe sex is meant for me).