[tophtwin]

I am 21 years old. I am a virgin. I was in a relationship in the past and had no issues getting hard, but my girlfriend at the time was also a virgin and didn't want to have sex. I have no problems talking, flirting with and kissing women.

I had an experience with a woman where I was quite nervous as she was much more experienced than me. I was unable to get an erection, every time I started to, my mind would immediately start thinking about that rather than about her and I would lose it. I went and researched and realized it was sexual performance anxiety, much to my own relief. I looked at what I could do to stop it next time, and most agreed that being in the moment and focusing on the girl is the best solution.

Recently I met a girl who I have come to care about quite a lot although I have only known her for a few weeks. A few days ago we were making out in her bed, I had no problem getting hard. As soon as clothes started coming off I started focusing on trying to get an erection, and boom, same problem. It's like at the back of my mind I am no longer focusing on her although I'm still going through all the physical motions. As soon as I stop thinking about it, i start to get one and then my mind is back on it as soon as it starts and I lose it. I really tried to focus on her and think about all the things that I like about her, how sexy she is, etc. No dice.

It's not that I'm worried about performing, it's that I'm worried about getting an erection. After I went home and thought about her I had absolutely NO problem getting hard....

Any advice would be appreciated

Thanks

[anneo59]

don't give up, keep trying, maybe seek medical help, my hub had a similar prob when we first met and were both very young, but he's been fine mostly since. I wish you the best!

[OneTwo12]

Hello tophtwin,
I think I have the exact same problem as you. I have no trouble getting hard when doing sexual things that aren't intercourse, such as oral sex or hand stimulation. But when I start to put on the condom, I instantly start thinking about failing to maintain an erection instead of how attracted I am to my partner.
As of right now, I've been trying to go without masturbating or watching any sort of pornography for several days in a row before attempting intercourse. We had an opportunity to try again, but she didn't feel like intercourse. However, I did get a very strong erection; much stronger than my usual ones. Hopefully it'll work the next time I try.
I hope you're doing well, and best of luck.