[LiteraryLark]

Several months ago my friends Karen and Joe told me that one of their travelling friends wanted to have sex with me. I've only hung out with them a few times and I told them I was a virgin and wanted to be in love when I had sex. The past week him and his girlfriend came over and when it was just him he told me he still wanted to have sex with me and said his girlfriend was okay with it (which, she really is okay with it). I told him I was interested but I was still a virgin and wasn't sure about it, so we dropped the conversation.

I feel like I am holding myself back. I do want to be in love the first time I have sex, but I'm passing up so many opportunities and it's so hard for me to fall in love. He's an honest, sincere guy, very attractive, very tall, thin, and I'm pretty sure he'd have a nice ****. But, I'm not in love with him and he's a traveler so I'd only see him a few times a year. I'm tired of being a virgin. We're both consenting adults, and there's nothing wrong with sex without love. But I'm not sure if I'm okay with that. I really wish I knew what to do.

Do you feel comfortable around him? Do you feel comfortable about having sex with him? If it's your first time, you may or may not be prone to surprise vulnerabilities. Your physical and mental safety come first. If you feel comfortable, go ahead. Personally, I don't like overanalyzing sex or assigning too much significance to it.

For me, sex is like any other activity. Sometimes fun, sometimes tender, sometimes utterly mundane. It can be more enjoyable when done with someone I love, but sometimes I'll do it with someone I don't love. I wasn't in love when I first had sex. No big deal. I express love in ways that are more significant to me than sex.

Try to know yourself as well as you can, and do what makes you comfy. Good luck.

[Harley47]

I've asked myself the same question many times...I've passed up opportunities due to not being in love with the person, and wanting that as a factor in my first time. At the same time, I do want to experience it...so a bit of a lose-lose situation, as it stands.

I'd tell you what I tell myself: If you want to be in love with the person you have your first time with, then wait. It's better to wait than it is to regret it, I think...you've only got one shot at this particular event, you know? Sure, the wait sucks, but I'm banking on that it'll be worth it.

lol If I beat you to the chase and determine it *isn't* worth it, I will let you know though.

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Several months ago my friends Karen and Joe told me that one of their travelling friends wanted to have sex with me. I've only hung out with them a few times and I told them I was a virgin and wanted to be in love when I had sex. The past week him and his girlfriend came over and when it was just him he told me he still wanted to have sex with me and said his girlfriend was okay with it (which, she really is okay with it). I told him I was interested but I was still a virgin and wasn't sure about it, so we dropped the conversation.

I feel like I am holding myself back. I do want to be in love the first time I have sex, but I'm passing up so many opportunities and it's so hard for me to fall in love. He's an honest, sincere guy, very attractive, very tall, thin, and I'm pretty sure he'd have a nice ****. But, I'm not in love with him and he's a traveler so I'd only see him a few times a year. I'm tired of being a virgin. We're both consenting adults, and there's nothing wrong with sex without love. But I'm not sure if I'm okay with that. I really wish I knew what to do.

All of that makes sense but... you make it sound like your virginity is some huge ugly wart (that isn't even visible) that you want removed
Losing your virginity doesn't really have that much impact on your life.On the other hand I'm not sure that losing your virginity to someone you're in love with is all that important either. It's going to be just as great if you aren't a virgin. IMHO. I hope whoever takes your virginity is a good and caring person. Sensitive and patient. With a sense of humor

Originally Posted by Harley47

I'd tell you what I tell myself: If you want to be in love with the person you have your first time with, then wait. It's better to wait than it is to regret it, I think...you've only got one shot at this particular event, you know?

Good point. I understand the desire to wait if someone wants to be in love the first time he or she has sex. Even if this is true, I don't feel that someone should necessarily harbor regrets if she had safe and consensual sex with someone she wasn't in love with.

I understand that some people might have personal and/or religious reasons to wait for "meaningful" sex.

Still, I have had friends who felt upset about not waiting for love to have sex, because they felt that future sexual experiences would be devalued. I don't think that's true. Sex can be meaningful, mundane, fun, etc. regardless. And if you find someone you love later on, that sex will be meaningful, unique and special regardless of whether you've had sexual experiences before (and of whatever kind).

In short, I think we should all be kind to ourselves about our sexual desires (and just kind to ourselves in general. ).

Good luck, everyone.

Originally Posted by George H.

Losing your virginity doesn't really have that much impact on your life.On the other hand I'm not sure that losing your virginity to someone you're in love with is all that important either. It's going to be just as great if you aren't a virgin. IMHO. I hope whoever takes your virginity is a good and caring person. Sensitive and patient. With a sense of humor

Agreed, George. I think you've hit the nail on the head. Sometimes people can attach unnecessary significance to the state of "virginity", and thus pressurize and stigmatize themselves. I'm not referring to the OP, but people in general. Sex will happen when it happens. Love will happen when it happens, and the sex will hopefully be fantastic even if it's not your first time.

[Bill3]

We're both consenting adults, and there's nothing wrong with sex without love. But I'm not sure if I'm okay with that.

Would you want to speak more here about your unsureness, perhaps the pros and cons that you see?

[LiteraryLark]

I decided not to have sex with him, but I hate being a virgin at 21.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I decided not to have sex with him, but I hate being a virgin at 21.

I would day that in some cases you may be holding yourself back, but not in this case. In this case, no matter how"okay with it" she says she is, you can almost bet that it will cause trouble later on.

And FYI, I was a virgin until I was 26 and it sure as heck want by my own choice. But guess what? It's had ZERO affect on our sex life in my 13 year marriage.

Originally Posted by Webgoji

And FYI, I was a virgin until I was 26 and it sure as heck want by my own choice. But guess what? It's had ZERO affect on our sex life in my 13 year marriage.

My current boyfriend was a virgin until he was 22, when we met. He had never kissed or held a girl's hand. Doesn't affect our relationship in the least.

[Malixer112]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I decided not to have sex with him, but I hate being a virgin at 21.

This may sound strange, but I'd let you take mine any day of the week...