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#1
May 23, 2014, 06:32 AM
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I and my wife have been best friends (for the most part) since third grade. We have been together since late 2009 and committed to each other since June 9 2012 we officially got married last November. She h as s always had a very high sex dive. I on the other hand rarely want sex. I'm trying to understand her side of this issue and explain my issues too. I love her and I believe she loves me with everything she's got, but I know when I don't want sex it affects her elf esteem. Most of my issue comes from the years of physical mental and sexual abuse that I've lived through. I think she understands that to a certain point, but she still wants sex all the time. Even when she claims she doesn't want it but is trying to kiss me or cuddle me it feels like she just wants sex. I know this is something that we are going to have to compromise on, but I don't know how to and I'm not 100% sure that she does either. It hurts me when I see how she is affected when I say I'm not in the mood, but I can't help it most of the time I do not want sex. I just needed to get it out.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
 bixkf, Mike_J
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#2
May 23, 2014, 09:12 AM
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Can you talk about it when you are not in a situation where it's an immediate concern. Be a bit proactive and maybe try to talk about it maybe when you are cleaning up after dinner or some time like that.
And have you talked to your therapist about this?
__________________
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi |
 tigersassy
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#3
May 23, 2014, 09:25 AM
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No therapist and I haven't talked . Sex is a taboo topic for me so I don't talk about it at all. I don't even like to talk to my wife about sex
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
| gayleggg
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#4
May 23, 2014, 10:03 AM
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Communication is important even if it's a subject you don't like discussing. She has to understand it is not her you are rejecting. Feeling rejected can affect her self-esteem. This is going to be a barrier between the two of you until you can talk about it and come to some sort of compromise. It's not fair to refuse to talk about it. Seeking therapy would be a good idea. I hope the two of you can work this out, sex is a big part of marriage. I'm sure she feels hurt and rejected. Not a good situation for a good marriage. Hope you get help.
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
| tigersassy
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#5
May 23, 2014, 10:18 AM
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Gayleggg thanks. I know I need to talk, but there are some topics that I can't help it I don't want to talk about them and just let them simmer.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#6
May 23, 2014, 11:23 AM
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C'mon Tig...you can do it. Break down that barrier and talk to your wife. I believe in you!!!
  It's as important for her as it is for you. I've talked to my wife recently about things that I never spoke with about before in order to work on our intimacy issues. If I can, you can!!! |
| tigersassy
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#7
Jun 08, 2014, 05:34 PM
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Well I opened up a little which resulted in some serious frustration issues. She found out a little about how messed up inside my head is and I can be turned on by things but still not be able to do certain things. It's a difficult thing because I feel dumb in the realm of sex. I try to learn, but it's difficult.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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