Overcoming fear...?

Yes. I am still sexually confused and frustrated. I'm even confused about why I am confused. Am I just overthinking this because I am a virgin and I've had too much time to come up with stupid new ideas as to why I'm never with anyone? Maybe.

Anyway. Here's what I know:

1) I never pursue guys
2) I never put myself out there
3) I don't do anything to let anyone know I'm attracted to them
4) the second I'm attracted to them, I assume they are jackasses and ignore them
5) I am embarrassed about being attracted to anyone because part of me things it is stupid to have a crush on anyone

So five solid problems I have. The root of all of the issues is probably a fear of rejection and a feeling that no one will ever want me. And an extreme fear of intimacy, especially physical intimacy.

I was talking to my T about how I've never been kissed. She said "you don't really want to be kissed, do you?" I'm not sure. I do. Hypothetically. Just not by just anyone. And I'm worried I'll suck at it. It also seems gross to me which is weird because sucking a guy off doesn't at all sound gross. It sounds almost more appealing. I don't know why.

I want to be with someone. But whenever anyone talks about me dating, I immediately say I'm not ready. How do I be ready? How do I overcome this fear? How do I even talk to guys and not run away the second I feel like something sexual could happen? What is wrong with me??

Oh and I'm a woman turning 21 in two months.

I'm glad to see you are seeing a therapist, where you can have that one-to-one time with someone. That usually helps. Sounds like you may need quite a bit of help. Overcoming these fears is not going to be easy.

Don't worry about not being able to kiss properly. You'll learn quickly once you give it a try. The trick is picking a guy that is laid back and patient, so that you don't feel rushed to do anything.

I hope you find your way. Relationships can be a great thing to have and enjoy. wishng you the best.

Fire the therapist. She is your foe and not your friend. She is simply charging by the hour and does not have an interest in the outcome.

She deepens and perpetuates the stagnant, repetitive thought process in you. Your posts are extremely depressing, because they show absolutely no internal dynamic. Like regurgitation. To the extent that during all the time that you have been posting on here, she had been counseling you, I can tell with confidence that seeing her is a waste of your time and money. Btw, I have literally not spent a millisecond of my life trying to imagine what kissing or anything else would feel like with a hypothetical man. Seems like a massive waste of time and effort as well.

Look for a new therapist or strike on your own. With this one, you will eventually sink down the marsh waters and never return.

Oh, and on overcoming fear... I cannot believe that I am writing it and that your therapist has not explained such a simple thing to you.

Had people waited until they have overcome their fears, we would not be having this conversation because the progress of civilization would not have happened. People would have died out from hunger huddling together in caves and afraid to go hunt outside.

I hope the point is clear without further elaboration and examples.

The word "fearless" is a fun, romantic, energizing term, but it is a misnomer. In reality, people who appear fearless are not fear-less - they just act as if they didn't have fears. That is where you need to go - where you can take your fear along but act despite the fear... Not being enslaved by it.

As it stands, you are a perfect patient for a therapist who wants long term clients that are easy. You do not present emergency issues, so the therapist can sleep well at night knowing that you would not get in trouble with the law, and that you would continue coming and rehashing the same thing again and again. A perfect cash cow for the therapist.