So confused :( Bi or Curious

I've been wonder for quite a few years now if i'm bisexual or bi-curious. How can you tell the difference. I've looked it up and people say if you want to marry or have intimate relationships with your same gender then your bi of not your curious... but my case is different i've been raised where liking girls is wrong and disgusting so i can't even imagine dating a girl, even tho i've thought about it... never mind anything else. But i find attraction to girls... probably more than guys. I even have strong feelings for my best friend but i'm not sure if that is cuz we're really close or if i love her more than a friend... anyone's advice or knowledge would be gratefully accepted. Thanks.

Hey CrazyStupidLife,

I cannot answer directly to your question, but I understand the importance of labels. For the longest time, I thought I didn't need them, feeling that knowing who I was and how I felt was enough. However, recently I have felt a need to apply such a label to myself, identifying my gender identity as non-binary and androgynous. Using these labels helps me to communicate with others, although ultimately I have a feeling that my identity (like everyone else's probably) is too individual to really fit into a box as represented by the label.
Labels/boxes can be constraining and limiting (especially the heteronormative binarisms that we are so often faced with), but they can also help us feel more secure - finding the "non-binary androgynous box" for me meant that suddenly, there were others "like me", a community I could go to for support.

The great thing about the labels that _we_ decide to give to ourselves is, however, that we can also get rid of them. Couldn't you just try for a while to adopt the label of either bi or bi-curious and see what it does for you? Does it empower you, or does it place constraints on you that feel awkward? If the label doesn't work, abandon it! Don't feel that you have to take a once and for all decision now!

Well, CSL, you received just an absolute gem of a reply from Kraken. One of the things that strikes me about your post is that you seem to have some questions that go beyond what the definitions of bisexual & bi-curious are. You write that you're attracted to girls probably more than guys, & you have strong feelings for your best friend, which may or may not be romantic in nature. So I have the impression that what you're really struggling with is your sexual orientation. And this is one type of thing that people often see therapists for. Do you see a therapist? If not, perhaps this would be a good idea.

I have to say that, personally, all of these labels confuse the bejibbers out of me. I'm an aging transsexual who never transitioned. And it was just a handful of years ago that I learned about the terms "transsexual" & "transgender". I was SO excited when I did because all of a sudden I had words I could use to define how I felt. So I understand the desire to have available such a vocabulary. Unfortunately many, maybe even most, of the words that define various types of gender variance don't have fixed definitions. And also, the definitions they do have can & do change over time. The words transgender & transsexual are like that. So while I do understand & support your desire to have words to describe what you feel, I would like to urge you not to get too caught up in them. What's more important is for you to sort out the feelings that lie behind your desire to clarify these words.