In every instance that I've kissed or had sexual contact with a guy, it was fine, but I felt NOTHING. I've never been completely sober, but I'm not always completely drunk either so I don't know if the alcohol made it impossible for me to enjoy it at all.

I've felt attracted to girls before, but I've never so much as kissed a girl. I've considered myself bisexual/polysexual, but after being with more than one guy and not deriving any more pleasure from being with them than I would from doing chores and I have no ability to orgasm (when I can jack myself off in like 2 minutes sometimes) even when they actually try to give me an orgasm.

I think the most telling thing is that I've never been able to enjoy kissing a guy. I don't straight up dislike it…it just feels like nothing. I might as well kiss my pillow. Hell, I'd probably feel more. Even as a teen (and completely sober), kissing did nothing for me.

So I don't know if this means I'm gay (or at least on the gay side of bisexual) or what. Maybe asexual? I just don't understand why I can't enjoy it at all. It's completely a chore, whether I like the guy or if it's a random stranger. Or maybe I've never liked the guy enough? Or it's because I'm always sort of forced into it…I mean I go along with it, but it's not like I can really say no. Or that saying no is going to actually ever stop them. Maybe delay them.

I'm just so confused. And frankly, hateful towards men. More so than I used to be.

[Travelinglady]

I am wondering if your hate towards men is keeping you from responding to them. Do you ever feel any arousal in seeing men in movies/TV or in other romantic situations when you don't feel like you "have" to respond? Does it occur naturally?

How about women? Are you attracted to women in movies/TV when they are undressed, etc.?

I would think most people do have a sex drive, whether they act on it or not. Maybe you just have completely repressed it.

Maybe some therapy to help work things out?

I've felt arousal when seeing both genders in something that isn't real life. I hate how real life has to ruin everything. I do tend to not watch a kissing scene in a TV show or movie. They make me feel somewhere between angry and grossed out.

To get through this last time, I thought about someone else (actually a male as well) because I heard it works. It sort of did, but it's difficult to keep that up.

I've already been in therapy…I don't see how therapy can actually solve this though. I mean, I've been sexually repressed before I even knew what sex was—like starting at 5 (at least that's the earliest I can remember). And even if it is fixable, it's not like anyone would stick around long enough for me to get over it. Guys are just in it to get theirs. Nor are they going to stick around waiting for me to actually be comfortable. Besides, I appear to be completely paranoid and unreasonable if I don't ever want to be alone with them. Or don't want to give them my phone number etc.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't imagine ANYBODY can feel aroused when they feel forced into an "intimate" situation...

Arousal with a partner is so much more intricate than touching the right body parts.

Until you experience true intimacy with a man, which means its 100% your choice, you're attracted to eachother, there's no alcohol involved for courage etc, until then I think it will be truly difficult to be clear about your sexual orientation...

It saddens me that you don't think you could or should say "no", and that you believe saying it won't matter.

Your opinion of men will never change if you never give men the opportunity to show you some respect.

And by that I don't mean you're inviting any disrespect. What I mean is that if you don't ever say "no", how will you ever see a man respect that no?

Not all men are the same.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Arousal with a partner is so much more intricate than touching the right body parts.

Is this true for a majority of people? If so, how is it that the other person in my interactions enjoys it? Even when they care far less for me than I do them? To me, it appears all that's necessary is touching the right body parts. I guess that's what confuses me the most…the guy always enjoys our interaction a lot while I couldn't feel a thing.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Until you experience true intimacy with a man, which means its 100% your choice, you're attracted to eachother, there's no alcohol involved for courage etc, until then I think it will be truly difficult to be clear about your sexual orientation…

That makes sense, but I don't really see how that would ever be possible for me, now that several experiences in a row have been disappointing and possibly even disturbing.

I have no idea how to put myself in that situation again safely and without alcohol or anything like that.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

It saddens me that you don't think you could or should say "no", and that you believe saying it won't matter.

Your opinion of men will never change if you never give men the opportunity to show you some respect.

And by that I don't mean you're inviting any disrespect. What I mean is that if you don't ever say "no", how will you ever see a man respect that no?

I could have sworn I said no, but he continued to push me. I guess I wasn't adamant enough about it? Or I felt that it would just be better to get it over with so he would go away. I didn't feel like my no or any sort of no would be taken as an actual no, but as an "ask me again". What was I supposed to do when he asks to kiss me? Shouldn't any response but a clear yes be enough. I don't remember if I was literally able to say "no", but I had clearly checked out and had changed the subject. Also, I would think lack of eye contact would say something too.

And at what point do I stop them? It seems common to think that if they're allowed to touch you at all (like even put their arm around you), then you're signed up for a whole bunch more automatically. But if I refused to be touched at all, doesn't that make me seem crazy and unreasonable?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Is this true for a majority of people? If so, how is it that the other person in my interactions enjoys it? Even when they care far less for me than I do them? To me, it appears all that's necessary is touching the right body parts. I guess that's what confuses me the most…the guy always enjoys our interaction a lot while I couldn't feel a thing.

From my experience, yes it is true for most. If the mood isn't right or the woman doesn't feel comfortable, then achieving arousal is near impossible, no matter which body parts are being touched. Arousal is as much mental as it is physical. Now, erections are strange things, men wake up with them in the morning despite having zero invitation, so they can be a tricky source of data at times. When boys go through puberty they have many unwanted erections, and while that may certainly point to arousal, trust me when I say its not always enjoyable. Especially not while you're talking to your teacher or apparantly minding your own business. Its awkward to hide, and from what I've heard does become uncomfortable and even painful Then there's this to factor in as well; I have guy friends who say they've had sexual encounters and even full on sex, but weren't even really turned on by the experience despite having an erection. They had an erection and followed through because the opportunity arose... They weren't at all into it.

That makes sense, but I don't really see how that would ever be possible for me, now that several experiences in a row have been disappointing and possibly even disturbing.

I have no idea how to put myself in that situation again safely and without alcohol or anything like that.

You have a habit of speaking in absolutes and this counts against you in many ways as it has a defeatist ring to it. I'm far from the unicorns shyt rainbows camp, buttt, I'm open to possibilities. Like they say, only 2 things in life are certain. Death and taxes. The secret is to only put yourself in these positions when you feel safe with someone. That way you won't have to pour for courage and have all your sexual experiences intertwined with alcohol.

It is widely accepted that past behaviour is a strong indicator of future behaviour, but nowhere have I come across the widely accepted belief that past experiences are a strong indicator of future experiences... Rather we learn from our mistakes and make different choices in future so we can have better experiences.

My past bf was an abusive, selfish, drug addict, my current bf is the complete opposite. He's respectful, caring, kind and attentive...

So while I used my past experience as an indicator for what NOT to look for in a partner, I didn't condemn all men or future experiences because I've had a string of bad experiences in the past...

Its up to you whether you're going to be open to new and better experiences in future, don't let your past rob you of your future.
Hope that makes sense I should be asleep

I could have sworn I said no, but he continued to push me. I guess I wasn't adamant enough about it? Or I felt that it would just be better to get it over with so he would go away. I didn't feel like my no or any sort of no would be taken as an actual no, but as an "ask me again". What was I supposed to do when he asks to kiss me? Shouldn't any response but a clear yes be enough. I don't remember if I was literally able to say "no", but I had clearly checked out and had changed the subject. Also, I would think lack of eye contact would say something too.

Sometimes silence can be interpreted as "yes" or "maybe if you persuade me", or "I'm thinking about it" to some... I'm not saying its right, I'm just speaking from experience. But a clear "NO" is unquestionable. I've been in those shoes when a less than firm "no" is followed by some prompting or pushing... not cool, like why do I have to shout???
But, that's exactly why as a young teen girl I had already adopted a stern and clear "no"... it may even sound cold to some. Lack of eye contact is interpreted as shyness by many, so that's not a very good "no indicator" and I strongly recommend NOT using it.

And at what point do I stop them? It seems common to think that if they're allowed to touch you at all (like even put their arm around you), then you're signed up for a whole bunch more automatically. But if I refused to be touched at all, doesn't that make me seem crazy and unreasonable?

You stop them the moment they're too close for comfort. I get that touch is an issue for quite a few people and you may choose to plough through the uncomfortableness of having a hand on your arm, or an arm around your shoulder. I get why someone would want to feel ok with that.

BUT. The minute it crosses boundaries you are uncomfortable with, whether it be thigh or buttocks or whatever your boundary is... THAT'S when you stop them. Touching my arm does not give anyone free reign to touch my a.s.s. Because by that logic, people sharing a seat with me in a bus should be groping me left right and centre and I should be ok with it all.

Refusing to be touched at all doesn't make you seem crazy, especially not if its a stranger wanting to touch you, and yes, even if you agreed to meet the stranger.

The last stranger who touched me (touched my a.s.s in a club) well I punched him in the gut. Sure he was a random dude and not someone I agreed to meet, but I would've done the very same thing if he was.

All I know was that in this recent case that he was apparently very aroused and into it…I don't really understand why because we had known each other just one night after talking for a week or two online. Actually, all the guys I've been "with" (if you want to call it that) have all been full of praise about how wonderful I am and all enjoyed it very much. That's why it's so confusing. It's like we're both in two completely different situations…or I'm lead to believe there's something wrong with me for responding the way I did.

Apparently it did irk this most recent guy that I didn't get any wetter than I did and that I didn't moan. And as a sort of dark joke, I mentioned that maybe I should be drunker because I seem to act more correctly when I do, which he thought I should try. But I don't know…asking someone to be wetter and moan is gross and offensive. I know I'm seen only as a trophy and something to be conquered by these people.

And for the record, yes, I usually speak in absolutes, but that's because the evidence always backs me up. I've gone into the last several encounters with an open mind only to be met with some of the worst that humankind has to offer. It doesn't help that through my own reading and studying that I have come to the conclusion that I would be better off away from people except for when I need to use them to further my own goals and career. I also realize there's usually a price to pay for that but based on what I've read and experienced, artists are best off alone except for when they need someone else—so even around other people, still be essentially on their own (if that makes sense). Only give enough to get what I want.

The only time I've ever felt safe with someone was with someone who got as far away as possible from me ever since our first date. He didn't even try to hold my hand or anything! It was incredible. I was almost a person to him, as opposed to an animal/sex toy.

And I don't believe I will feel safe with someone again, unless they are able to actually respect the fact that if he's attracted to me, then all touching is inappropriate. I was just getting ok with "friends" hugging me, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea anymore. I feel like a lot of time I feel guilted into it as I'll feel guilty if I don't even though they're all fully aware of my problems with touch.

How am I supposed to learn how to communicate "no" clearly? I had no need to as a teen as no one even tried anything. Then again, people used to fear me back then—I was truly intimidating then and through most of college so that's why they left me alone. I wonder if I dress and appear to be intimidating/dangerous if that will help at all.

I wasn't necessarily using lack of eye contact to say no, I am really that shy and anxious. I just wish that would make someone think twice about forcing them into something they're not sure about. Why are there so many guys so turned on by someone not being fully willing anyway? It's sick.