Is an affair the way to go?

I feel your pain. Any anyone who judges just doesn't know how it feels. But I am determined to stay on the straight and narrow myself

Why have an affair when divorce is an option? I don't mean to judge but having an affair sounds rather selfish to me.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

Thanks for the judgement. You're not in my shoes

-_______-

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

I am a woman. If I were married and stopped having sex with my husband, it would mean I didn't love him.

If I didn't love him, I would expect him to cheat on me. Whether right or wrong, a sexless marriage is not OK.

Thats when you should divorce them. I dont see ANY excuse to cheat. Any.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

I would divorce him, but others may have extenuating circumstances.

Children, disability, lack of income are a few of those reasons. That is why I am not judging.

My aunt was cheated on. She found her now ex hubby in bed with another woman and was forced to leave as she and he were on his family farm. She and he had two kids together and that didnt stop her from getting those divorce papers. Bitter custody battle over the younger one as the older was off at college at that point.

I hated seeing that poor cousin of mine look so sad. She looked like she aged too much too fast. Cheating only hurts....never fixes.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

Thanks even more for your black & white judgement call. Must be so nice to just know all the circumstances.
I have learned this.

Haters are going to hate! No matter what.

I pour my soul out on how and why I feel the way I do and you just harshly acuse me of black and white thinking? Sounds like you are the one doing the judging.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

You've related a one sided story about your aunt. I'm sorry I didn't hear any marital details that you may be privy to? How your uncle feels? Intimate details about their married life? About the feelings of the other woman? What drove the issues surrounding the affair? Financial? Social? Sexual? Psychological? Childhood insecurities Etc. The list goes on & on!

Sorry I did not hear any reason for a judgement except your emotions.
There are deeper issues in a marriage & an affair that you nor anyone else are exposed to. It's between them.

People have a public life, a private life and a secret life.

We just don't know every detail to stand back & point fingers.

I was in your situation for a long time so I really understand and you are right
about the fact that sex is an important part of a marriage not everything but
still very important. I wont get into my story but in the end we did divorce
and in my situation I would have gone the rest of my life with out intimacy
and nobody can live that way forever.

Most women do not understand how important sex is to a man. Men live for sex. It is built into them (I am a woman)
Let me ask you some questions
Does your wife orgasm during sex? If you think she does have orgasms do you think she is faking them?

The whole point of sex is to orgasm and most women do not. So really what is point of sex if you know you are not going to orgams?

She may not feel appreciated. You may have very young children. She may secretly want sex but not with you. She may have a fantasy life in her head of what she wants and it is not happening.

What if you threatened to divorce?

Cheating is never the answer!! You must divorce and find someone who understands- though a lot of women do not. They think they do but don't!

I don't want you to lose your house, your kids, etc. but if she is not having sex with you at 30 years old, will she when she is 50??

I have been divorced, had kids, and without getting into a lot of discussion know both sides to this issue. And if I could have I would of had an affair when married!!! But I did not have time to meet anyone.

You need counseling with her, if she won't go, get rid of her. However, if you do get rid of her, she may find someone else that she DOES have sex with regularly!!

I agree that sex is very important in marriage. I do not think orgasm is always essential though it is nice. Sometimes I tease my husband into a Quickie. I seldom orgasm but it is still pleasurable just to have him inside of me.

In the final analysis it is the duty of the wife to please her husband and the husband to please his wife, I am there for him when he needs it and he is there for me.

I do not think an affair is a good answer. It destroys trust and creates all kinds or other issues for women who need to feel loved and secure. I do not know to what extent you have been able to talk about your needs with her in a supportive environment, just that most women respond to that. We need to feel loved and important to our men

In the long run a sexless marriage probably will not survive, but I would still fight for it with everything I have. I know each person's situation is unique and one size never fits all. But having been abandoned and then going through divorce in my first marriage it was awful painful. I see it as a last resort

Hugs
Larissa

Western philosophy teaches us that sex is about foreplay, intercourse & orgasm. There's so very much more to it if you look at the Eastern philosophy of tantric sex, ecstasy & spiritual consciousness in a sexual encounter.
There's a whole realm out there to be explored past the basic idea of sex & orgasm.

I guess at the moment I haven't been placed in a situation where an affair would be possible. I don't want to just go out and get laid. I want it to be meaningful with the one I love and care for. But at the same token if the opportunity where to manifest itself then I'm not totally sure what path I would take. I don't want an affair. I know the consequences and I know how badly it hurts. I'd rather call it a day and get divorced. But in the same respect I fully understand why they happen and cannot necessarily blame the parties involved. When children, finances, disability etc are taken into consideration it's not so straightforward.

It sounds like you're not just craving sex, you're craving love! That's nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone needs to feel loved and special, and for a lot of people sex is an important part of that connection with another human being.

My first advice would be to try and look at it from a "lack of love" perspective. Figure out what issues have started to drive the two of you apart, and see if any are fixable. Maybe the kids are really stressful and you two never see each other? Maybe someone's dealing with grief or a long term illness? Maybe you two just simply lost touch along the way. But trying to reestablish that connection will ultimately help bridge the way back to physical intimacy~

I wish you all the best. Try not to make any quick decisions, and whatever you do keep your wife up to date! Communication is the key. (((hugs)))

Men are built for sex? Then what are women? Kind of sexist.