[Ryan.l.s]

How do you or how did you deal with it?

[kaliope]

I find it best to be true to yourself and not let the opinion of family members affect me, even if it means cutting off contact with those people. I just wont tolerate being treated poorly. happiness is more important. take care.

[Ryan.l.s]

it's difficult cutting off contact though, I live with this person (my "brother").

[ifst5]

Then i suppose you're at a cross roads - and unfortunately some people have this decision thrust upon them. Which isn't fair. But that's life. What are you doing to move on from living with your brother? As much as i deplore homophobia i'm not sure how realistic it is for you to expect them to change their long held (though unfounded) views in order for you to continue living with them. It's sad if your own brother can't accept you i agree - but who really loses out here? I don't always agree that we need family. Not if it's this sort of family. Go and find those worthy of your time and company, if it's the best you can make of this situation then what do you have to lose? Good luck.

we all like and dislike things.....

isn't this person allowed to dislike something?

Do not read that as me agreeing with that person. And I am not judging either person. Just saying - we all dislike some things. That seems reasonable. Can't you two still be civil?

[Mike_J]

Depending on how much this bothered me either I would avoid this person, or ask them how many of his friends he thinks are gay? I'm sure he will say NONE but you can just laugh at that, and respond "I didn't mean openly gay to you, but in the closet because you are so uptight (or pick a more assertive term if you wish), I'm sure you have a lot of gay friends" let him think on that for a bit.

[Ryan.l.s]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

we all like and dislike things.....

isn't this person allowed to dislike something?

Do not read that as me agreeing with that person. And I am not judging either person. Just saying - we all dislike some things. That seems reasonable. Can't you two still be civil?

Yea, sure. everyone is allowed to dislike whatever they want to dislike. their hatred or massive dislike of whatever it is only ever becomes a problem when they either

A. constantly voice their hatred
B. become abusive both physically and verbally

so yea. it's reasonable and expected that some people will hate all types of idiotic things, but it becomes a problem when those people take it to another level.

that is the purpose of my question. it's not simple about me feeling hurt because he feels that way. I couldn't care less. my question deals more with how he chooses to express his feelings.

maybe I didn't make that clearer in my post. i hope that's more understandable.

next time I will be sure to fully explain myself

:-)

[Myotherlife]

Originally Posted by Ryan.l.s

How do you or how did you deal with it?

Fortunately, I've never had to deal with it. But I have to agree with gay columnist Dan Savage, who recently made the point that homophobic relatives have as much to lose as the gay member of the family they are abusing. He advised a gay correspondent to tell his homophobic parent that if they persisted in their abuse, he would leave and never speak to them again. Such a strategy could solve the problem, but if it didn't, it wasn't worth saving anyway. Blood relationships are not necessarily good relationships.

I am pleased that I was able to convince the older brother of a gay student I once taught that his brother's homosexuality was only a small part of who his brother was, and that his brother hadn't chosen to be homosexual, he simply was homosexual, and no one was the poorer for it. They were able to continue their formerly good relationship.

Other

Just because someone dislikes gays doesn't mean they're homophobic. Homophobia is a fear or homosexuality, but some people may just dislike gays because they find them irritating for whatever reason.

Also, some people find that idea of gay sex disgusting, that's doesn't make someone homophobic, just in the same way that a gay person finding heterosexual sex disgusting doesn't mean they have a problem with heterosexuals, they just find the sexual activity unappealing to them.

This idea that you have to approve of what someone does or you have a fear of them is just ridiculous.

[ifst5]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

Just because someone dislikes gays doesn't mean they're homophobic. Homophobia is a fear or homosexuality, but some people may just dislike gays because they find them irritating for whatever reason.

Also, some people find that idea of gay sex disgusting, that's doesn't make someone homophobic, just in the same way that a gay person finding heterosexual sex disgusting doesn't mean they have a problem with heterosexuals, they just find the sexual activity unappealing to them.

This idea that you have to approve of what someone does or you have a fear of them is just ridiculous.

This is first and foremost a support site. No one here should be left feeling they have to justify themselves - especially not the OP, and as they have already acknowledged the point made in your reply, what do you hope to achieve in reiterating it?

They've come here to express concern and hopefully seek support over a very serious type of behaviour - not an argument on what it should be classified as.

You have a right to respond to me, but i would advise you not to bother.

Originally Posted by ifst5

This is first and foremost a support site. No one here should be left feeling they have to justify themselves - especially not the OP, and as they have already acknowledged the point made in your reply, what do you hope to achieve in reiterating it?

They've come here to express concern and hopefully seek support over a very serious type of behaviour - not an argument on what it should be classified as.

You have a right to respond to me, but i would advise you not to bother.

Yes it's a support site, sometimes support can be offered in different ways. This silly idea that everyone shouldn't be disliked isn't support, it's an idealistic viewpoint.

Let's send a 1000 of these and pretend the world is okay isn't support.

[AppalachianAxis]

Originally Posted by ifst5

This is first and foremost a support site. No one here should be left feeling they have to justify themselves - especially not the OP, and as they have already acknowledged the point made in your reply, what do you hope to achieve in reiterating it?

They've come here to express concern and hopefully seek support over a very serious type of behaviour - not an argument on what it should be classified as.

You have a right to respond to me, but i would advise you not to bother.

Well said. No, the world is not perfect or nice to everyone, but this is a place where we can try and help others feel better about themselves!

As for the OP, the best I know to say is to take pride in who you are. You're you, and you need to be able to accept you first and foremost. If a family member cannot accept you for who you are, that's on them, NOT you.

[Ryan.l.s]

to Lycanthrope, no one said the world was perfect and no one said that pretending everything is okay is a way of dealing with ones issues.

I posted this because I currently live with my brother and am only 13. I have no way of removing myself from the current situation I am in, so I sought help on this site.

and to AppalachianAxis, I am perfectly happy with who I am as an individual. I of course accept myself and am happy that I'm not confused about my sexuality like most older men are.

however I'm not looking for someone to sugarcoat things in order to make me feel good about myself; I'm thoroughly seeking info on how to help myself --- a young boy who is stuck living with a physically and mentally draining older brother.
and no, once again I cannot take myself out of this situation. I have no other family to turn to so I can only hope to deal with this situation as best I can. I only posted this to receive HELPFUL ADVICE

so thank you to those who were actually attempting to help instead of being a nuisance by going out of their way and taking the time to post their miserably rude and sarcastic opinion. that doesn't help whatsoever, instead it makes the miserable poster feel good or justified in some way.

P.S- not once did I say homophobia is the same as hating or disliking gays.... you should go and post your response from whatever other forum post you read that on. I am also not hoping for my brother to approve of my sexuality, but rather to understand it and be mature about it instead of being a complete bigot about it.

finding something repulsive doesn't automatically mean that a person has to be immature and go out of their way to express their thoughts on the subject. thats the difference between a mature person and an immature person --- the patience to keep ones thoughts to themselves.

Ryan ... I am so sorry you are having to go through this ... You have a right to be treated with dignity and respect by your parents and siblings and to not be subjected to harassment, bullying and abuse by them for any reason - up to and including your sexuality.

If there is not a trusted adult in the household that you can talk to, then try to make contact with a trusted adult outside the family - such as a teacher and/or counselor at school, or a trusted parent of a friend ... Perhaps they can put you in touch with some local support networks that can help you come up with ways to handle it until you are old enough to leave.

Also, regarding posts here that aren't supportive ... You can report them by clicking on the red, white & black triangle in the lower left corner of the post and the moderators will remove it/them and warn the poster(s) to back off ... You don't have to put up with feeling bullied, harassed and abused here at PC either.

I wish you the best young man!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Ryan.l.s]

I just reported this person and also personally blocked him or her.

I wouldn't of have bothered with doing this, but I really rather avoid him or her in my future postings than be upset over his/her disregard and disrespect for others.

thank you for letting me know about this

[AppalachianAxis]

Originally Posted by Ryan.l.s

to AppalachianAxis, I am perfectly happy with who I am as an individual. I of course accept myself and am happy that I'm not confused about my sexuality like most older men are.

however I'm not looking for someone to sugarcoat things in order to make me feel good about myself; I'm thoroughly seeking info on how to help myself --- a young boy who is stuck living with a physically and mentally draining older brother.
and no, once again I cannot take myself out of this situation. I have no other family to turn to so I can only hope to deal with this situation as best I can. I only posted this to receive HELPFUL ADVICE

so thank you to those who were actually attempting to help instead of being a nuisance by going out of their way and taking the time to post their miserably rude and sarcastic opinion. that doesn't help whatsoever, instead it makes the miserable poster feel good or justified in some way.

P.S- not once did I say homophobia is the same as hating or disliking gays.... you should go and post your response from whatever other forum post you read that on. I am also not hoping for my brother to approve of my sexuality, but rather to understand it and be mature about it instead of being a complete bigot about it.

finding something repulsive doesn't automatically mean that a person has to be immature and go out of their way to express their thoughts on the subject. that's the difference between a mature person and an immature person --- the patience to keep ones thoughts to themselves.

Ah, got it. Well, let me say that I truly applaud and respect your self-acceptance! I think it's pretty damn admirable that you're able to do that, I know I can't.
Knowing that, I can only suggest telling your brother exactly what you've said just here. Those last two paragraphs could summarize perfectly what you'd like him to attempt to do. I think an attitude adjustment is certainly in order if he's being 'a complete bigot about it.' As that's rather uncool. And as you say, not liking or disagreeing with something is one thing, being cruel about it is another. There is certainly a difference.

Best of luck.