Debilitating insecurities

I've never had sex or been in a sexual situation. All my friends have and, in fact, I just dropped my best friend off at her boyfriend's house knowing full well what they'll be doing. I don't feel I'll ever be good enough to warrant a sexual partner.

I know most insecurities are an aesthetic matter and as such there will always be someone who prefers them. But mine is not necessarily one of those. I have a very small penis. Three inches, which is smaller than the "average vagina size".

I'll never satisfy someone. I know there's the " motion of the ocean " argument but there's no way any amount of skill will make up for what I don't have. I'm just inferior to everyone around me and all their partners.

It's at such a point that even if someone were sexually interested in me, I don't even know if I could do it. I don't think I could handle being such a disappointment to someone willing to be that close.

And my high moral value background makes it really difficult for me to look for sex, because I'm supposed to wait for marriage or something. Like my brother did. Hell, like my whole family did. But by my age they were already either married or well into the relationship that would end in marriage. But here I am, lonely and unfulfilled. I don't know what to do.

My most serious boyfriend this far had a really small penis. And I won't lie, it was a disappointment - at first. Because I would think stuff like "what if I don't even notice that he's in me?" but the truth is, he was more than good enough. Technique is more important than size. And besides, sex is not all penetration. Hands, mouths - anything can be used, and will surely be appreciated by your partner And remember, most women manage to get a sexual release just by touching themselves, so no worries for how it will affect a potential sex life. And, if you are afraid of initiating something because you fear her reaction, remember that most people aren't cruel. We're adults, this isn't high school anymore. I don't think any woman would comment on it unless you asked, and even then I don't think they would be rude. Some women would maybe be disappointed, based on their preferences, but it's not like they would make fun of you or belittle you over it. They understand that this is a sensitive subject. Don't be afraid to try.

The moral background is something you should either embrace, and be proud of, or decide that you think it is crap. Either way, you need to make a decision. And, trust me, I hate flirting, I hate dating, I get self-conscious and I even get mad when I feel that guys are just interested in me sexually and not as a person, which makes me paranoid when someone (which doesn't happen too often) tries to hit on me. It's not easy, not for anyone. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's brave that you came here for guidance, and I hope you can come to terms with your complexes regarding this issue - although I understand it's hard.

Hi, and welcome to PC.

I'm very much in the same boat as you (though without having the high moral background like you). It is very frustrating for sure, as a virgin my age (32) I not only have to deal with being thought of as pathetic and useless, but I feel your same insecurities.

If you can find one, I would advise seeing a sex therapist. Really. I've sought one and she has greatly helped me to put a lot of fears of mine at ease. A good sex therapist will help you with a lot of fears and anxieties and hopefully have you feeling more at ease. I know it won't make the frustration of wanting to go away but anything to do can help.

I'm with you all the way, I hope you can find some love and happiness

For a lot of women, external friction is more arousing than actual penetration. I bet you are being way too hard on yourself.

Growlycat is right. Not meaning to get too technical or private here, but the clitoris is probably the most important body part for sexually pleasing a woman - and it is accessible "from the outside". It's probably one of the reasons a lot of women like cuddling etc. so much, they can get a release from just external touches (so can men, really, but they seem to prefer actual sex either way).

Contrary to the myths floating around penis size is not the primary issue when it comes to stimulating a woman. Tenderness, touch, foreplay, and stimulation of the clitoris is really what counts. My husband is a great lover not because of his penis size but rather because he takes time to see that I am thoroughly aroused and ready before he enters. What comes before the main event for me is a lot more important than the main event itself. Of course I love the feel of him inside of me but that is not the real determining factor. Sorry to be so frank but a lot of men seem so insecure about this stuff when in fact they are perfectly capable of pleasing a woman just fine the way they are

Confidence and a sense of humour are sexy and the amount of women that orgasm through penetration could be counted on one hand Most of us girls don't actually use penetration when we masturbate

Size is only an issue as far as men are concerned, it might seem like it's against everything thing you have seen or heard but I am reminded of a conversation with several work colleagues about what they like and dislike in bed and all but one said that the foreplay was what they enjoy and the intercourse only happened to satisfy the male partner but the quicker it was over the better.

Learning to love and accept and understand yourself sounds like a good place to start

Oral sex is usually better then penetrative sex. Get really good at giving oral sex and most women won't care at all!

Too small is better than too big. Too big is OUCH!