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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2006
Posts: 1,068
18 |
#61
just a quick note to reinforce that beauty is entirely society driven. in africa i had a waitress come up to my table just to tell me i had 'very big hips'. then she left and i sat there with my jaw on the table until i realised she meant it as a compliment. i spoke to her again later and told her if someone said that to me in europe it would be a huge insult but thank you for the compliment. she had no idea! lol.
plus an aside and i dont know if its relevant or not but when my mum was 50, also in africa, a young guy came up to her on the beach when she was in her bikini and stopped her just to tell her she was the most beautiful (my mum started to smile) OLD woman he d ever seen. hehehe. poor mum had no idea what to think feel or do! sooooo forget what other people think. its about being healthy and feeling good in your own skin. my theory is sort all my mental health issues and my body will automatically feel good to me. then i can feel confident showing off as much or as little as i feel like on a given day. because i will know who i am. but then... sort all my mental health issues??? what am i thinking??? sometimes it feels that by the time i get that done i ll be six feet under so it really wont matter what i look like or what i wear! lol |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 748
17 |
#62
what happened to the men in this thread? ....haha
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: AZ
Posts: 8,663
19 |
#63
There's one!
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Pirate Goddess
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
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#64
GET HIM!!! Let's harness our power as women and make men a slave race!!!!!
__________________ Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2005
Location: A Little Place I Call Hell.
Posts: 425
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#65
I am a guy and to be honest I love sex but not at the price of a womens dignity, I once had the oppurtunty to have sex with a co worker who was completly drunk and instead I just looked after her and made sure no other guys took advantage of her.
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#66
joe would have had a buch of chicks after him in fireman days...
lol some guys just come after u for sex if they know u give it up easy i know from my experience they tell there friends about it all one guy i seen for casual sex -he is a friends was for a long time before it got more... wont go into the story but he told his friends and was strange when we wood hang out together cos i knew they knew and they knew i knew they knew but he never as far as i sensed or was told was it bad hes still my friend its just gone back to how it was i think hes just bummed that i dont have sex with him anymore.. |
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Pirate Goddess
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
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#67
Psyclox, that's great to hear. And, any guy that has sex with a drunk women is committing rape, according to the law, because she cannot consent to it. Don't ask me what happens if he's drunk, too, or instead. I've gotten into discussions about this, but I'm telling everyone, because everyone should know, to protect themselves, whether it be from being raped, or from ending up in prison for being stupid.
__________________ Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
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#68
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
biiv said: just a quick note to reinforce that beauty is entirely society driven. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> While I do believe that beauty (or what defines beauty) is greatly influenced by our society...... I personally do not believe that it is entirely driven by it - and if you don't agree just watch any kindergarten boy act (or react) when he is in the presence of a pretty kindergarten girl - especially one that he finds attractive / pretty. |
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Pirate Goddess
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
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#69
I agree with Rhapsody.
__________________ Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2006
Posts: 1,068
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#70
hmmmm... attraction is very different to beauty though. attraction to me comes from more than physical appearance. honestly. its about body language and whatever else as well. for me im more often attracted to people who arent what is called objectively beautiful. but also even by kindergarden images of what is considered beautiful are already very well embedded in a childs subconscious.
thats just my relatively uninformed opinion based to a large degree on personal experiences though. i actually find the mechanics of attraction absolutely fascinating. i wonder where it really comes from and, since there seems to be 'bad' attraction and 'good' attraction it opens a whole quesiton of whether you can 'create' attraction through, for example, changing thought patterns and fundamental conceptions about how people interact. if someone who has been abused is attracted to abusive people and can then turn that around through therapy so they are attracted to more healthy relationships what are the boundaries of this possibility? can we 'talk' ourselves into being attracted to any sort of person we want to be? if so to what extent does society manage attraction as well as the concept of beauty? ok might have gone off topic a bit. just thinking out loud. sorry! too much rambling in my head. thanks for starting me thinking rhapsody. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 887
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#71
That is such an interesting question, biiv. It is actually something I have been through recently. I met a guy who I didn't find physically attractive in any way. In fact, I found him unattractive. I felt ZERO chemistry with him. Our personalities clicked, though, and we started to spend a lot of time together. I sensed that he was interested in me and I decided to try to open my mind to the possibility of LEARNING to find him attractive... because I have a history of going for chemistry first, and ending up in emotionally unhealthy relationships. I decided to go for substance over superficial attraction this time round. Over a period of 6 months, I actually succeeded in CONVINCING myself to find him physically attractive. I didn't think it was possible, but because who he seemed to be inside was appealing to me, I developed a strong physical attraction to him.
P.S. There's a very odd addendum to this story that's much more complicated, but I won't go into that here. __________________ “Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
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#72
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
biiv said: i actually find the mechanics of attraction absolutely fascinating. i wonder where it really comes from </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> When you asked where does it come from it got me thinking back to a familiar TV show - Home Improvement w/ Tim Allen..... and his neighbor Mr. Wilson. This particular show was about Tim being attracted to a business woman that came on his show and how Tim started to act while around her (flirty). Well, Jill (his wife) noticed this and was hurt by Tim's reactions when he was around this woman and she said something to Tim about it and as usual Tim went to the fence to talk to his well educated and knowledgeable neighbor about the matter and this is what Mr Wilson said (more or less). ... That while Tim loves his wife and would never cheat on her - he was physically drawn to this woman due to their hormones being noticed (smelt) with in the nose - a biological force that usually cannot be denied when it goes into action, hence the natural sexual pulling of Tim to Her (and) that Tim was visually drawn to her for she represented the form of fertility in his mind eyes, that which a man subconsciously seeks in a female. * * * * * * Basically I mentioned this show for it shows how we can often be physically drawn to another person even when we are not wanting it - so to me attraction is created with in us and then it is sculpted and molded by our society (good and bad). * * * * * * WOW!! - - - - - TV can be entertaining and educational all at the same time. |
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Pirate Goddess
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
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#73
I believe attraction, and the things we like, are not choices. Attractions and tastes can change, and are influenced by society and many other things.
I find, quite often, I'm not physically attracted to a person, only to find myself grow physically attracted when I develop attraction to their personality. __________________ Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights |
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New Member
Member Since Mar 2007
Posts: 3
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#74
I'm a guy. I don't think any rules really apply. Since you know something about evolution you may know about all the cultural differences as well. What may be considered indecent in one place may be normal somewhere else. I read about one society where it was perfectly fine for women to go sleep with other guys when her husband was off on a hunting trip, then when he returned she did also, and there was no problem at all. I know a woman who had sex with her husband on the first date, and they are still together after twenty years, so I guess he didn't respect her less. For me personally I would prefer to get to know someone before we have sex, because I am sensitive and to me sex does change things in the interaction. If the sex is good or she has a nice body it could blind me for a time to some qualities that don't work for me. Conversely if the sex does not seem good it may make me less inclined to notice some great qualities she may have. Also I have the notion that I want the sex to be special when we do have it, so I would rather see it as part of the experience of getting serious rather than treating it as a casual thing. Having said all that, I'm a single guy and I do find it extremely hard to live without any sex. Masturbation is not enough. So while I would like someone special in my life I don't know how to satisfy that need in the meantime. I wish I could find women to have sex with until I get truly attached. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: AZ
Posts: 8,663
19 |
#75
I just started dating a man and I told him that my personal rule for myself is that sex has to wait. I used it as a weapon in the past, thinking that sex was the only way a guy would like me. So for me, I need to begin the relationship not based on sex. He is in agreement, so we're waiting, but MAN is it hard....I just started dating him and already I want to rip his clothes off, but I'm not.
I never needed sex so bad that it drove me nuts...I do fine on my own when I'm not with someone. I have had "friends with benefits" though. Well just one. We've been good friends for years and like each other physically. But it only happened once in the past year. I think for some people, the friends with benefits thing works if there's absolutely no emotional attachment for both people, but I think thats rare to find. __________________ |
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