Confused and consumed

I am consumed by what I believe is a pathology disturbance that has manifested into an obsessive, chronic and unusual behavior that involves wearing (and masturbating) diapers.

I have lived with this my entire life, and through limited research have gained an equally limited understanding of where it originates from.

I have engaged in the behavior since I can remember.

I have sought treatment (unsuccessfully) and have lived in constant fear of discovery until now.

Although I still am very cautious of sharing my problem, it has become the dominate force in my life and I want it to stop,

I am now taking the first steps toward resolving what has been a life-long condition and was hoping you might be able to offer some insight.
Some people may not take this seriously, but I assure you I am serious about exploring any treatment options.

I just want to know if there's anything or anyone who can help.

Thank you

You really need to be seeing a therapist Scott!

Hi Scott J: The first thing I want to say is that you are not the first person to post here on PC with this concern. You may feel alone & bewildered, but I assure you, you are not. What you describe is just one of many fetishes many people have. Wearing diapers is only one. And there are also variations with regard to what individuals who wear them do with them. So I'd really like to be able to put your mind at rest about this. You are not at all alone.

Having said that, I do understand that you want to stop doing this. One of the problems here is with regard to anxiety. The anxiety that is produced by worry over such things as this (anything related to sexuality in particular) increases exponentially. The more you worry about it, & hate, & perhaps hate yourself for doing it, the worse the struggle becomes. If you can accept that many, many people have similar fetishes, & it's no big deal, this in-&-of itself will go along way toward helping you.

I am an older untransitioned transsexual person. And, as such, I have struggled, over the years, with a number of these kinds of compulsions. One thing I have found is that, sometimes simply a change in my living situation has been sufficient to minimize or eliminate a particular fetish. If your living situation changes such that engaging in the compulision is no longer possible you may find that the compulsion to do it will fade. Sometimes the compulsion may be tied to certain aspects of your living situation. So, if your living situation changes, this may help to ease the compulsion.

Another possible consideration may be that masturbating in diapers may be a way of relieving yourself of stress & anxiety that is building up as a result of other aspects of your life such as work pressures, discord in personal relationships, or even simply generalized anxiety that you carry with you as a result of your genetic make-up or early learning. I have this problem. For some reason, which is unknown to me, I have always run on my nerves. I am simply never really at peace, even when there's little or nothing to be anxious about.

It is also the case, I believe, that some people feel fetishes simply cannot be overcome or left behind. The compulsion to perform them is simply so strong, & so ingrained, that trying to get rid of them is a lost cause. This is where simple acceptance, as I wrote about above, comes in. Simply realize that fetishes are a fact-of-life for many people. They are not bad or evil. They simply are & can be accepted for what they are. Just pursue them in private to ensure you are safe. But don't struggle against them because this just makes them worse.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you may have had some therapy around this concern, & it was not helpful. With regard to this, I would simply say that, depending on who you saw, this may or may not be significant. If the person(s) you saw weren't experienced in working with individuals who have fetishes, they may have lacked the ability to help you. In that case, it may simply be a matter of finding a more highly skilled professional.

These are my thoughts with regard to your situation. I understand your concerns. There are also other members here on PC who I know are as knowledgeable, or more so, than I am. Hopefully some of them may also see & reply to your post. My best wishes to you.

I think one of the highest post count threads on this forum is about the diaper fetish. An old thread. Let me find it...

It is no longer a highest post count, but here it is:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/sexua...fetishism.html

Scott, if you do not mind my asking, are diapers cloth or disposable?