Do you talk about sex with your therapist?

I don't talk about sex too much with T, but we have touched on it here and there, like in the context of my extended relationship with my 35 year old lover that started when I was 17. I had quite a few relationships with similarly older men, in positions of authority, and in positions with supposed boundaries that somehow always got crossed. I had a history of attaching very readily to such men, and I must admit, when I first got into therapy with the current T, I had some of the same feelings come up. Here is a guy in a position of authority with boundaries, older than I am--it felt pretty natural to attach to him. Like climbing back into the saddle after all these years. (I've been married for a long time to a guy only 8 years my elder and who is my peer so have never counted him in this pattern I had prior to him.) It's not that I have a sexual relationship with T, but the attachment component felt the same to me as in these earlier relationships. Maybe I'm misinterpreting, but T does not seem to like it much when I talk about my relationship with the guy 18 years my elder when I was so young. He does not encourage me to explore it. When I bring it up, he is silent. And I wonder if he is thinking "maybe if I don't respond or ask her questions, she will drop this topic and move on to something else." I am not sure why he reacts this way. Maybe he thinks it is an inconsequential topic and not what we should be working on. Or maybe he disapproves of this relationship and thinks this guy was wrong to have a relationship back then with me, a teenager. And he doesn't want me to know he disapproves. I told him once that a friend I had during this era was the first person I told about the relationship who didn't disapprove, and I really valued that. So maybe T does not want to seem disapproving to me because I've given him this strong message that I don't want disapproval. I don't know.

We've also touched on sex in several other contexts, marriage for instance. But this topic does not dominate our sessions. We have so much else to work on.

I've talked about sex problems I have, but my T's always want to focus on my OCD, and don't really address my sexual and relationship problems. So, it's not that I won't talk about them, or don't want to, but that the T's never want to. I've tried a few times to find sex therapists, but the few I've found don't take Medicare--I'm not sure Medicare even pays for sex therapy, have a sliding fee scale or affordable fees, and don't have hours I can work with (my boyfriend is my transportation, so it has to be convenient to his work hours).

Yes, I do talk to my therapist about sex... I feel very comfortable with her....

I occasionally talk about sex with my therapist. I mostly get very uncomfortable. It's not actually the topic of sex itself that makes me uncomfortable -- it's this feeling that I have that if I'm talking about sex I'm just attention-seeking ('cause after all, everyone's curious about sex and most people DO want to hear the details). I can't get past the feeling that I'm just attention-seeking (like it's not really a problem and I'm just being gratuitous or something) so I'll often just drop the subject. It's too bad because I do have some real issues around sex. I imagine I'll talk more about it in the future.

Sidony

Sidony.... Your post interests me as I think it defined something in my talking about sexuality. It is something that I think I need to talk of but yet ...I am afraid that it is questionable as most of society does not talk of sexuality ...though we seem to connect it with people getting their jollies. So...I do not know if there is a line that should not be crossed in terms of even talking about it. My therapist and I are quite out there about boundaries but even verbally, are there boundaries in hopes for help? I think that therapists have been desenstized to talking/hearing of these things in terms of how most of us think or talk about it. But still.... I sometimes wonder what to talk about and when I might talk too much.....when really I bet I am not talking enough. Dang.

Lately I think I have turned a corner though I wish to talk of sex... I need to talk about intimacy for me. Not even in a sexual relationship but other relationships as well. Just interesting. Need to work on one to better do the other..at least for me.

I have made comments about sex with my husband to my therapist but I am to imbaristed or just not ready to open the childhood issues from the past.

I am unsure of how to handle such a conversation with my t or if I can even handle it.

Welcome Jeanette!

welcome to the forum, jeanette,

When you feel you are want ing to talk to your therapist about it. perhaps you can write him/her a letter. I find that helps me get started when there is a difficult conversation. Then eventually the words come. Be gentle.

I realize this is an old old old old old thread from 2007.... and it's 2012... so like, 5 friggan long years later.... but I wonder, do the therapist you talk to about sex the same gender as you?

I dont talk about sex with my current t

I wonder what they start to think when a client introduces into the session. And how do they get desensitized with tons of awkward topics during their medical school. Must be an awkwardly fun journey to become a professional.

I'm between therapists at the moment (been referred to Psych) but I've discussed my orientation (not necessarily sex, because there isn't much to say beyond "haven't had it, don't want it") with my last two; the first was a total bigot and said- amongst other things- that I should make it my life goal to settle down in a hetero relationship and have biokids and the second one, after being told categorically I wasn't taking any s*** on it, was ok with it but I don't remember us going too far into the topic.

Yes I do, it's always a very difficult topic, but sex (and thoughts about sex) are an important part of life, as difficult and embarrassing of a topic that sex is it’s important to talk about it.

Wow, read all comments from previous years to current year. Dnt have a therapist or know wher or how to get 1, bt I really need one, as I'm unsure and need help in several areas of my life. Have never been really intimate b4 n d closes was a rape somes years back. Sex has bn a major issue in my relationships, sometimes I want to bt wish for a perfect situation.

Yes. Being an older virgin is quite bothersome...it's a big theme in our talks. I badly want to experience what 99% of the adult population has already experienced, and yet I want everyone to stay the hell away from me. Great problem, eh?

No, and somehow that makes it easier.

Hmmmm really? I found both sexes awkward... like....

If I talk to a Female T, my experience with women in general, usually ask a lot of personal and intimate questions. Where I'm left going... Uhhhh..!

If I talk to a Male T, I get the opposite sex's opinion and what they experience as a person being of the opposite sex, but of course... it's awkward talking to the opposite sex.

BUT then again, both are awkward. What the heck!?

And how would a person bring it up? I mean, do you just walk in, sit down, say your "How are yous?" and then go straight into, "I want to talk about SEX!"

O_O... i don't see it happening.

Yes, when sex is an issue in my life I talk to my T about it. Wouldn't have been able to talk about it in my twenties into early thirties. Too much shame back them involved in me even thinking about it.