I've been having sexual/gender issues for a while now

I'm a female in my early 20's and I have some gender/sexual issues I've been dealing with for quite some time now.

I don't want to bog you all down with a wall of text, so I'll try and be clear and concise with this. (It turned out to be a wall of text anyways)

My major issue is that being with a man does not seem to sexually arouse me. (Be it vaginal, ****, oral, or any sort of sex in between.) And if it does to some extent, not enough for orgasm. I can masturbate and achieve orgasms fine, but the physical contact is not working. I've had about 7 different partners. Some of them I had even dated for a while and truly loved, but it doesn't seem to affect it. If anything the longer I'm with someone the more uncomfortable and troublesome sex becomes. Kissing does nothing for me, foreplay, even engaging in some of my kinks (bondage, light whipping) only helps a little bit. Like thinking about it, and getting tied up gets me sorta hot, but when he starts touching me in a sexual way it kills it. Also I should mention the one thing I am very sure of is that I'm attracted romantically and sexually to men. So it's not an issue that men simply don't do it for me.

After thinking about this for a long time, one of the issues I can pinpoint is that it grosses me out to imagine sex from his perspective, and being reminded that he finds my body hot. (This is where it starts going into some body/gender issues.) nothing puts me less in the mood than him rubbing my breasts and telling me I'm a sexy woman. It actually sickens me. Likewise heterosexual/lesbian porn does nothing for me. Gay porn is the only kind that can make me feel aroused. I can't say I grew up feeling like a man in a woman's body or anything, but I have always hated my body, and how it looks, and felt out of place in it. I admire the way men's bodies are straight, and that they look so much better in clothing than I do as a curvy female. During puberty I specifically remember wishing not to get breasts because it didn't feel right. Not saying this means I have gender dysmorphia as opposed to just being an awkward kid going through puberty, but I often wonder if I knew such a thing existed if I would have identified that way. My body issues have never went away, I still find myself grossed out by how I look.

I try not to confuse the gender and sexual issues though because they may or may not be related, or they may be influencing each other in the wrong way. Like not being able to be aroused during sex could be independent from my body issues. I've never had sex while feeling good about my body so I couldn't say if it would make a difference. Despite this though sometimes I can't help but feel they're related, and if I was a man I might be able to enjoy sex with other men.

I guess I'm just very confused. This whole thing is compounded by the fact that I have a boyfriend currently of 5 years who I do very much love. I slightly explained the issues that sex doesn't really feel like anything, and I have trouble achieving orgasms. He took it as he's not doing good enough, and has tried new techniques, but I can't seem to explain to him that I don't think it's the techniques. The idea of him being attracted me as a female grosses me out. I don't think he'd react great to that. I one time had a discussion with him about how I wonder if being male would have solved my sexual problems and body issues, and he didn't react great to it. He got very scared that I wanted to be a man. I told him no, I'm just trying to explore ideas to figure out what's wrong, and the conversation really went no where.

I usually doubt I'm transgendered because I feel like if I was, i would already know it. I'm not sure how to go about fixing things. I want to enjoy sex with my boyfriend. The closest I get is if I pretend/visual myself as male, but it's usually not enough to make it enjoyable. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!

I would definitely suggest seeing a counselor. It almost sounds like it's more of a body image issue. If you were to work on being more comfortable with yourself and not so grossed out by the idea that you're attractive for being a woman, they enjoyment might slide right into place.