How can I prevent freezing up when intimacy comes into play?

Okay...I'm trying this whole dating thing again and am now on a texting basis with a guy I met on POF. Actually, this would be the second guy on POF I've been texting. The first, while seeming interested at first, started getting a bit too interested in talking about sex via our texts and I told him to slow down a bit as I felt uncomfortable about where the whole thing was headed. He hasn't texted me since then, and now I'm on Guy #2.

Anyways, Guy #2 and I are really getting along great, though it's just been an evening of sending messages back and forth on POF, we've exchanged numbers already. I'm going to keep the conversation away from sex this time around, for a little while anyways, and focus on getting to know him a bit more first.

So, this brings me to the whole point of posting on here. If the time comes to cross that bridge, to begin thinking about having sex, the problem arises. While I very much seek an intimate relationship, and knowing and being with someone on that level, initating anything is hard for me. I can't even reach out and take a guys hand when we are walking together in public. I just get so anxious and nervous that I just freeze up. Forget spontaniously kissing a guy.

My last relationship failed I think, partly because of that. I think the poor guy felt I wasn't either satisfied with him physically and sexually, or he felt that I didn't find him attractive somehow and it made him feel very self conscious. It may have been that I was so anxious to finally lose my virginity by that point (I was 27 at the time), that I rushed into things a bit to much. We started having sex around the end of the first month of our relationship, maybe the beginning of the second.

Some say that was a bit too fast to take things, and looking back, I think it had to do with the fact that I just wanted to damn well have sex already. I guess building a relationship on that one desire alone wasn't such a good idea. Now that I'm no longer a virgin, and don't have that intense desire to go and give my vcard away, I think I can take things a bit slower this time, if need be.

I guess I just want to be comfortable with doing sponatious things, like touching, and kissing and holding hands. Just to initiate it. But when I think about doing those things, my heart starts racing...and I just freeze up. I don't know what it is. If sex were to ever come into play....I want to be comfortable with initiating it, and making the guy feel disireable, that I actually want to be that close to him.

What should I do to combat my nerves...or is it just plain shyness? Either way, I'm wanting to figure this out now, before it becomes an issue.

Just take your time and get to know this person

I think you need to take an hour to yourself before the event and meditate, focusing on your breath and also visualising how you would like to be in the bedroom.

Also make sure you are well lubricated so that any tension does not translate into your vagina. If you are tense, perhaps you could ask your partner to massage you. He will see this as foreplay, but it will also have a practical use.

I find it most helpful in social situations to focus on the other person, rather than my own feelings. Open up with curiosity about your lover and focus your attention and affection on them and you will be too busy to worry about yourself.

Good luck