Sexual problems with girlfriend

Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for a year, we just had our dating anniversary and I love her very much. I probably wouldn't be here without her. But I am finding that I get really depressed because we have a lot of problems. I am a 25 y/o male and I have a very high sex drive. My girlfriend has very little to no sexual desire and it makes me feel like I'm kind of being "wasted"? because it is a major ordeal to try to get her to have sex (or even lay down and go to bed with me). To be fair though, I work really crappy hours at work (6a-4p) and go to bed really early like 7 or 8pm. So my girlfriend never goes to bed at the same time as me, she lost her job but she doesn't go to sleep until like midnight or 1 am. I do wish she would lay down at the same time and even just cuddle with me. Getting her to have sex is a whole other story.

I hate having to always be the one to initiate. But if I don't, we would never have sex at all because she is fine without it. For her sex is no big deal, to me it is extremely important. I've discussed this with her before and addressed the problem, but she just says, once I get my weight under control we'll have sex more often. However, she doesn't take initiative about things like that, I have to literally feel like I'm being her dad and tell her, you should go to the doctor. But she lost her job because she kept getting robbed repeatedly and attacked physically and I said, that's it, I don't want you working there anymore, so technically I made her quit. Did I mention we have a lot of problems? lol. I just need some advice. I will be staying with her, although we've talked about the possibility of having another partner, but she does get jealous. I don't think that will happen. Although seems like I would need 7 women, one to satisfy me for each day. Women seem to have really low sex drives. Maybe I'm the problem and I'm obsessed with it, but its just something that is important to me, I like to feel good, who doesn't? But to my girlfriend, sex doesn't even feel good to her. Its more pain than pleasure, even when I try to be gentle and do everything correctly. Yeah, we have a lot of problems. Any ideas? Thanks.

Like you said, there are more problems than just libido. I would suggest a therapist. Don't add another person, that's just adding fuel to the fire in my opinion.

You guys need to work through the job situations (help her work through what was going on at her last job), what you can do with your schedules, a difference in libidos and what causes her to have discomfort during sex.

Now, that said ... this needs to be addressed yesterday:
That's hitting below the belt. Personally that one would have been a deal-breaker for me.

Yeah...I agree with everything you said, Webgoji. It's just that I am desperate, and I struggle with depression all the time. She tells me how amazing I am all the time and she says she'll have to keep saying it until I believe it, but I don't think I'm that great of a person. She has other issues that make things difficult, she has pcos (polycystial ovarian syndrome). She always is telling me how sexy I am, but to me whenever she says that it's like, ok, I'm sexy, but apparently not sexy enough to have sex with ? I don't understand it.

I've seen a therapist for depression and my therapist happened to also be a sex therapist and I've seen her for about 2 years. I recently stopped seeing her because I just felt that it was more of a burden to go to therapy than help. And I know that my girlfriend wouldn't have gone in with me to therapy. She's very independent. Almost to the point where she doesn't want you to touch her or cuddle that much.

I think about all this stuff and then I get really depressed and it affects everything. Then she notices how sad I am, and she asks me what's wrong, I say I'm just depressed, then she asks why, and I can't say why because I don't want to hurt her feelings either. But then it just gets worse. It's quite annoying. Oh well. I'm still better off than I was when I was single I guess. Oh yeah, she's my first and only girlfriend I've ever had. People told me I should get different "tastes" before I settle or whatever, but I just never thought I could find anybody in the first place being the way I am, which is severely depressed all the time. I had tried match.com and going to meetup groups for about a year before I came across my girlfriend. I had only really gone on probably 3 or 4 dates before her. To a lot of people, they would be like what?? You've never done this, you've never done that? But to me its quite an accomplishment.

I had similar issue but opposite.
I didn;t want sex as often as my ex bf wanted so he said he will left me and find another girl to f***. It hurt. I thought he doesn't love me just want sex. I felt guilty all the time, I even wanted to die and I always was so unhappy because I knew he is not satisfied with me. i slept with him when I didn;t want it. He said that I'm not okay.

Maybe you didn;t satisfy her sexually, maybe she has another man, maybe you are not that sweet to her and hurt her somehow. There should be a reason why she doesn't want sex.

Lunatic Soul:

I understand where you're coming from. I do love my girlfriend for who she is, but to me, sex is very important in a relationship. My girlfriend definitely doesn't have another guy. I think she just really does not like sex at all. It doesn't feel good to her, and that really takes a lot of pleasure of it away from me too. I am unsatisfied with her sexually, but I can't help that. There is a huge difference between us when it comes to sexual taste, and drive. I get really depressed and then she takes it out on herself that she can't make me happy, and things just get even worse. Things just aren't working out that well. Sometimes, like you, she will try to do it even though she really does want to, and then I have to turn her down because it takes all the pleasure away that way. It isn't that I only want sex, I want all of her, but sex is just a big part of a relationship, to me. Girls just don't really understand guys and how we feel either. In turn I feel like my libido is being wasted because I'm young and ready to go and yet I can't. I won't ever cheat on her.

Sadley, I have the same issue as you only I am a female. My boyfriend and I are also young, and I am always the one to initiate sex. He goes ahead with it just because he is in love with me (and I love him too) but his heart is not into it and it takes joy away from me. I understand how frustrated you are.

Honestly if the guy told me if I lose weight he will have more sex with me I would be gone. She pretty much tells you She isn't into you as you are overweight. That's is a deal breaker right there

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