Constant Feeling of Guilt Because of a Sexual Fantasy

I have been experiencing a problem which has been giving me extreme anxiety lately and I wanted to run it by other individuals to get their thoughts.

I am currently in a relationship with a girl who I love. I would NEVER in a million years cheat on her.

Recently, I was at our house (we live together) by myself all day and I was feeling a bit 'on edge'. I decided to masturbate to get this edge off. While doing this, I decided to mentally take myself to a place I don't usually go. While watching a pornography video, I visualized myself performing these acts with another woman. Specifically, this other woman was someone I used to have a sexual relationship with, but do not (and will not) come in contact with at this point in my life.

Ever since this happened, I have felt a great amount of guilt and anxiety over this. I have started to convince myself that I cheated on my current girlfriend by watching this porn video and visualizing this fantasy with another woman, specifically another woman who I previously have sexual experience with. I want to emphasize that I have NO interest whatsoever in this past sexual partner. I would never act on this fantasy which I had, and just used it as an 'in the moment' experience to let my mind wander somewhere different.

At the time of doing this, I didn't think this was going to effect me the way that it has, since everything which I am feeling anxiety about is all in my mind. One side of me says that I am manufacturing this issue out of nothing, since everything I'm creating was strictly a mental fantasy. The other side of me says that my mental fantasy was extremely inappropriate, and I shouldn't have had this fantasy while in a relationship with my girlfriend. Obviously, anybody in a relationship would not want their significant other having fantasies about other people.

This is all I can think about right now, and it's causing me a great deal of guilt/anxiety. I wanted to get other people's thoughts regarding if my guilt is justified, if this is something which needs to be talked about, etc.

Thanks for reading.

(((SeekingAdvice55))) I always turn situations like this around and ask myself if it is something I would like someone else to do to me. It sounds like you're a nice guy and your conscience is working well. It's when you're conscience doesn't kick in that you have to worry.

I have a rule for myself, that I won't fantasize about someone who is currently in my life-- so as not to encourage any infatuation that could go down the wrong path. That is more of a practical issue than an ethical issue for me.

I don't think its wrong to fantasize about someone other than your partner. I assume that my boyfriend sometimes fantasizes about people other than me, and it does not bother me. Studies also show that the vast majority of people in long-term relationships fantasize about people other than their partners. What you are doing is normal, and in my books, there's nothing wrong with it.

It's understandable that you feel guilty about fantasizing about somebody else. But look, your not the only one who does it. It's actually quite common. If it's causing you this much anxiety, then just try not to do it anymore. Try to forget about it. You love your girlfriend and would never cheat on her. It's best not to worry your girlfriend with something that didnt ACTUALLY happen and WONT happen.

Plus, just the fact that you feel bad about even THINKING about another girl shows that you genuinely care. I think you'll be fine.

The person I am referring to who I fantasized about is no longer in my life. I never see her and never will see her from here on out. Just a person in my past.

Would people say that it is normal for men in relationships to be having a fantasy about another woman, even with absolutely no intentions of acting on them and with no interaction with the person? Is this something that I should feel guilty about, or am I putting myself on an unnecessary guilt trip?

I think the reason I am making myself feel as bad as I am about it is because it was a fantasy which I used during masturbation, and sort of used the porn video I was watching to stimulate the fantasy.

I have a tendency of forcing myself to feel guilty for everything.

There's no "off-limits" with fantasy. My dad confessed to me (after discussing my own fantasies of Nazis) that he sometimes fantasizes about past girlfriends he had, and he's been with my mom for 25 years and they are both 100% faithful to each other. I wouldn't say it's inappropriate at all. Most couples DO fantasize about previous relationships or people they may know in real life. It's normal to do. Don't worry about it so much, or talk about it with your counselor.

I can only say that personally, it wouldn't bother me if the person I'm with fantasized about someone else. After all, that's not all that makes up a relationship or even a sexual relationship (not that I have any experience with that but still, just my thoughts :P)
You say you don't want to actually act on these fantasies and you don't truly feel anything for this other person, so was there really any harm done? I think it shows you're a good person for thinking about this and feeling guilty but I also think it's not necessary. Maybe it would help to tell your girlfriend about it? Since I don't know either of you I can't say if that's something that would go over well but it could be something to consider