[RTerroni]

I consider myself to be Asexual but I always tell people that it was a choice that I made and not something I was born with. This always causes many other people who claim to be Asexual to get mad at me and say that I am really Celibate rather than Asexual when I know that is not the case. Why do you think people do that to me when they are supposed to be supporting me.

I think there may be a distinct difference in celibacy and asexuality. Celibacy does seem to imply choice in my opinion, e.g. a Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. I'm not that familiar with asexuality but it is defined by others as lacking interest in sex.
That still doesn't explain why they get mad at you. People get angry over sexual and gender terms. I don't know why.

[RTerroni]

Exactly did I ever take a vow of celibacy- no, and if I wanted to have sex I could if I wanted to, but honestly I don't want to which I why I believe I am Asexual (but still a choice I made).

[DoggieDad]

I am by no means an expert, but here's a.theory:

Because by saying you chose to be asexual, you are saying sexuality, whatever version, can be chosen. And I'm not too sure that many heterosexuals, homosexuals or any other "sexuals" would take kindly to that concept

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Exactly did I ever take a vow of celibacy- no, and if I wanted to have sex I could if I wanted to, but honestly I don't want to which I why I believe I am Asexual (but still a choice I made).

If you took a vow then it doesn't sound like you are asexual. I don't think someone who truly has no interest in sex would need to take a vow.
Some people are just very touchy about sexual and gender labels. It might be best to just drop the labels thing and avoid the grief.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by DoggieDad

I am by no means an expert, but here's a.theory:

Because by saying you chose to be asexual, you are saying sexuality, whatever version, can be chosen. And I'm not too sure that many heterosexuals, homosexuals or any other "sexuals" would take kindly to that concept

I agree with this statement. Sexuality, as most people believe, is not something that can be chosen. You cannot choose to be gay or straight. So to be asexual, most people believe you can't choose to be uninterested in sex or sexuality, which is why some people will take offense if you're using the term incorrectly. Not to be rude or offensive, but as asexuality is something that is quite debatable in definition, are you sure you're using the correct term?

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by George H.

If you took a vow then it doesn't sound like you are asexual. I don't think someone who truly has no interest in sex would need to take a vow.
Some people are just very touchy about sexual and gender labels. It might be best to just drop the labels thing and avoid the grief.

I never took a vow never to have sex and could have sex if I wanted to.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

I agree with this statement. Sexuality, as most people believe, is not something that can be chosen. You cannot choose to be gay or straight. So to be asexual, most people believe you can't choose to be uninterested in sex or sexuality, which is why some people will take offense if you're using the term incorrectly. Not to be rude or offensive, but as asexuality is something that is quite debatable in definition, are you sure you're using the correct term?

Yes I do believe I am using the correct term.

Personally I believe that most sexualities are a choice, I think that Asexuals should be supportive of one another but if someone says that they are Asexual as a matter of choice than they get all up in them. For the record I know a few Homosexuals who believe that I was a choice and not something they were born with (I know there are few who will admit to that but there are some) and how can you not say that they are not Homosexual because we know they are attracted to the same sex and that is the definition of a Homosexual.

I can tell you that I am Asexual and it was a choice that I made. It could be that it was a choice that was not entirely my own, personally I think that my sexual repression when I was young led me to become Asexual but it was still a choice and not something I was born with.

[LiteraryLark]

Then I don't understand why you're upset when people disagree with you. Most people believe it isn't a choice, not many people believe otherwise. Just be careful who you express your beliefs to. Most homosexuals will feel highly disrespected when they are told they chose to be the way they are.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

Then I don't understand why you're upset when people disagree with you. Most people believe it isn't a choice, not many people believe otherwise. Just be careful who you express your beliefs to. Most homosexuals will feel highly disrespected when they are told they chose to be the way they are.

But do the ones who believe that it is a choice not homosexual just because of it, that doesn't make any sense.

Originally Posted by RTerroni

But do the ones who believe that it is a choice not homosexual just because of it, that doesn't make any sense.

You're kind of getting away from your original question there. I'm skeptical of anyone who says their sexual orientation is a choice. I've tried drinking Dr Pepper. I couldn't even get one of them down... I thought it was awful. There's no way I could choose to like them. On the other hand I love Coke. I didn't choose to like Coke. That's not the best analogy but it's early
In reality there is no way I could choose to be attracted to men any more than I could choose not to be attracted to women.
You're getting bogged down in semantics. Or denial. I'm not sure anyone is going to be able to make you understand the difference between celibacy: choosing not to have sex, and asexuality: not having any interest in sex.

[RTerroni]

I agree, but I did mention how sexuality could be a choice that is not entirely your own choice but not necessarily something that you are purely born as. For instance things that happened to you when you were younger may have forced you down the path (which you can now no longer leave) which I believe may have been the case with me and being Asexual, but that still doesn't mean that you are born that way because of things had happened differently you may have gone down another path. If you were completely born that way then you would have been pre-determined to go down a certain path regardless of what may have happened when you were younger.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

But do the ones who believe that it is a choice not homosexual just because of it, that doesn't make any sense.

I don't understand the point you're trying to make, nor what it is you find confusing.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I agree, but I did mention how sexuality could be a choice that is not entirely your own choice but not necessarily something that you are purely born as. For instance things that happened to you when you were younger may have forced you down the path (which you can now no longer leave) which I believe may have been the case with me and being Asexual, but that still doesn't mean that you are born that way because of things had happened differently you may have gone down another path. If you were completely born that way then you would have been pre-determined to go down a certain path regardless of what may have happened when you were younger.

Back to your original topic, THIS is why people get mad at you. You have your own definition of a sexuality that is entirely different than what most people think, and it's a confusing one at best. Like I and others have said before, asexuality is extremely hard to define and hard for others who aren't asexual to understand. And again, people with asexuality can get offended if their sexuality is questioned or defined improperly.

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I agree, but I did mention how sexuality could be a choice that is not entirely your own choice but not necessarily something that you are purely born as. For instance things that happened to you when you were younger may have forced you down the path (which you can now no longer leave) which I believe may have been the case with me and being Asexual, but that still doesn't mean that you are born that way because of things had happened differently you may have gone down another path. If you were completely born that way then you would have been pre-determined to go down a certain path regardless of what may have happened when you were younger.

You're getting very theoretical there. And I'm not sure what type of things you're talking about. I can really only speak to what I know. It is of course true that bad things can happen to children that will affect them for the rest of their lives. I'm sure something like CSA can affect sexuality but I don't know that it can change sexual orientation.

[Webgoji]

Why argue with people over a label? To me it's just not worth the energy. How about just "I don't have sex" and leave it at that?

[JustTvTroping]

As an asexual person myself, I don't exactly see the offense (then again I have high tolerance for a lot of things). However, it's not exactly a choice. It's a choice to accept that this is your sexual orientation, but it's more like a reflex than a choice to have it as your orientation. It's just something that feels like you are without forcing it somehow. I hate when people just get angry and don't explain anything, it could have made things easier.

[RTerroni]

Thanks for the feedback, I think that I am going to try to bring this up at Therapy session tomorrow.

[norwegianwoman]

To be honest I think some people might get offended not only by your definition if it, but by the fact that you HAVE a choice. You do have sexual urges, but you choose not act on them etc. A lot of asexual people (not all, a lot are content with the way things are) probably wish they could have these feelings are they are such a big part of our culture, of relationships etc., so I imagine for some people they can get offended by this, that you sort of "throw away" what you have and take on asexuality as an identiy when for a lot of people, it is something they have struggled to come to terms with. And I can't blame them, it IS a bit offensive of you.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by norwegianwoman

To be honest I think some people might get offended not only by your definition if it, but by the fact that you HAVE a choice. You do have sexual urges, but you choose not act on them etc. A lot of asexual people (not all, a lot are content with the way things are) probably wish they could have these feelings are they are such a big part of our culture, of relationships etc., so I imagine for some people they can get offended by this, that you sort of "throw away" what you have and take on asexuality as an identiy when for a lot of people, it is something they have struggled to come to terms with. And I can't blame them, it IS a bit offensive of you.

How do you know that I have sexual urges, I never said that I did.

[RTerroni]

I mentioned this at session this past week and one thing that I mentioned is that if Asexuality is inclusive of other sexualities (such as Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Bisexuality, ect.) or exclusive. I believe that it is inclusive since I still consider my self to be Heterosexual (in addition to Asexual), which it why I like to use the term Hetero-Asexual to describe me (since I am physically attracted to the opposite sex but not sexually attracted to anyone).

[LiteraryLark]

Did you talk at all about other people's views and why they may get offended by your own views?

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I mentioned this at session this past week and one thing that I mentioned is that if Asexuality is inclusive of other sexualities (such as Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Bisexuality, ect.) or exclusive. I believe that it is inclusive since I still consider my self to be Heterosexual (in addition to Asexual), which it why I like to use the term Hetero-Asexual to describe me (since I am physically attracted to the opposite sex but not sexually attracted to anyone).

Can you explain what you mean by the term you used... physically attracted.

[Confusedinomicon]

There are asexual partners who are still capable of having sex with sexual partners. That doesn't negate their orientation or the fact that they would be content with life if their partner decided sex wasn't important anymore. Fact is there are more sexual people then asexual and sex appears to be a really important in a relationship with a sexual person.

Asexual orientation can be complicated, too, because there are people who have experienced sexual-related trauma and feel that asexual is the appropriate word to describe feeling sex repulsed and not wanting to participate in sexual activities. I think sexual repression is on this line of thought. It all depends on who you talk to, though. Some people agree that PTSD/Trauma related sex repulsion/regression/whatever is inclusive and others do not.

I'm low libido/SO is too and I identify on the spectrum. I do not relate at all to a sexual persons interpretation of the importance of sex. I'm in a sexless relationship and have been for nearly a decade now and I'm happy. I have a partner that loves and respects me and I've actually grown more fond of him the longer we've been together. I feel really awkward when I'm with sexual friends and they are all talking about it because I don't relate to their experiences. I consider that as being "on the spectrum".

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by George H.

Can you explain what you mean by the term you used... physically attracted.

Meaning that I do fell some attraction towards the opposite sex but not really a sexual attraction.