I don't understand my problems (pls help)

I’m 17 and I don’t understand myself. I’m not attracted towards people, but only when it comes down to intimacy, in the exact moment of when it actually happens. I often have crushes on people that are unattainable or out of my league. I crush on them, but when I think about it, I would not actually want to date them or get sexually intimate with them. At least that’s what I think, I could be wrong. Like when it comes down to heat of the moment, I wouldn’t be into it. But I’m also not certain because I’ve never able to experience physical intimacy with someone I find to be TOO attractive. I don’t know why, but I have never enjoyed making out with people. The few times it has happened, I would think beforehand that it’s going to be great and fun, but then it would turn out to be kind of pointless. On the other hand, I think I might be comfortable with someone that is say, under my league, someone that doesn’t intimidate me because he’s not too disgustingly good looking or whatever. It sounds like I have an inferior complex, but that’s not it. But then again: given the opportunity, I don’t know if I’d be able to invest intimacy in someone who I consider to be under my league, or anyone in general. I have sexual desires and fantasies like everyone else, but when it comes down to it in real life, it almost repulses me. I don’t understand how other girls are willing to give guys blowjobs because that just seems…pointless and almost degrading. I don’t think I’m asexual, if anything I might be gray-sexual or demi-sexual. I don’t know. I’ve been called cold-hearted/emotionless a couple times. I think a potential solution is to hook up with a bunch of people in college, and then maybe I’ll understand myself. Or just wait until something clicks.

I tried to think of reasons or events in my life that might be the root of my confusion/problems. I’m an only child, so I’m used to being alone all the time (it’s probably insignificant considering so many people are the only child). Also, I’m easily the forgotten/extra friend in 7 out of 10 situations. Other than my mom, I can think of maybe a few people who actually remember to invite me to hang out, actually prioritize me. I’m not saying I want people to hail my presence, but it’d be nice to have people who actually thinks highly of me. I know people respect me because of my accomplishments blah blah whatnot, but there’s a difference between respecting someone and actually want to be influenced by that person’s presence. And I didn’t even realize this until I thought about my previously mentioned unidentified problems. Relating back to my previous point, it might be uncomfortable to date someone who in my opinion is too perfect because then I would be under-appreciated, again. Maybe I just need to find a perfect balance, or maybe I am incapable of devoting romantic/physical intimacy to others. I don’t understand it, and I’m stuck at this point in life where I can’t really do anything different than what I’m already doing every day.

*I'm sorry this is poorly written, I can't quite put my scattered thoughts into words*

I don't think you are incapable of devoting intimacy towards another person, but I am wondering if you are in a sense blocking towards those that are not right for you. SPeaking from my own personal experience, I have never been able to be intimate with someone I wasn't completely emotionally invested in i.e never did one night stands or random sex. The one "one night stand" I had, I ended up marrying her lol.

You are still young and you might just need to find that one special person that is able to open you up. The disinterest honestly sounds to me that mentally you arent ready for sex, and that is okay. Sex and intimacy should never be rushed. Hope this helps your some, and welcome to Psych Central!

Hi Arizonagreentea. I am sorry you are feeling torn between desire and relationships. I agree that sex without a relationship means very little and can cheapen the experience of sex with someone you don't know and may never see again. There is no point to me in that.

I think that people really crave emotional intimacy and by settling for physical intimacy alone feel let down. I think the following article differentiates between these two.
How Does Sex Differ from Intimacy? | World of Psychology

Keep in mind that the man's instinct is to procreate, where the woman is more into nurturing and relationships. The woman wants more than a 10 minute experience because she hardly has enough time for her body to be awakened before it is over. Also with the lingering doubts of being abandoned after a quickie probably puts up the walls to protect oneself from being hurt.

If it takes 5 years or more before you are in a relationship that warrants exploring physical intimacy, that is okay too. There is no rush.

Of course, you want to be surrounded by people that think highly of you. That is also, imo, a key component to an intimate relationship.
This topic about making out within a broader circle and oral gratification of young men, was a hot topic when I was younger. It was also a cultural difference, cultural in the sense of socio-economic differences.
Sounds like you have the making to grow into a self respecting young woman. Why lower your standards?

The consensus on that topic was often it was/is an act that turns selfish. And that if to be treated like a queen, must ensure it's at an equal level.

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Hello and welcome to Psych Central arizonagreentea!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

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I don't believe anyone is ever out of or under your league. There's nothing that makes one person better than another if they're genuine, loving and honest in nature. Look for someone with a good heart and your feelings will follow. You will be more relaxed and will find the relationship much more gratifying.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

hi arizonagreentea
what was jumping out at me as i read your post and pretty much confirmed as i read the other;s responses to you is a lack of connection. Not having connections with other people could prevent the idea of having intimacy with people. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Hi arizonagreentea, what you've written there more than vaguely reminds me of myself. I'm 21 and still a virgin and the main reason for that is because I always felt guys were either way out of my league or I out of theirs. I never met anyone I felt was exactly on my level or whatever you wanna call it. Yes, this type of thinking does make me feel like a *****. I really don't mean to be though.
I've also never been able to feel any kind of physical attraction towards a real person either. I've had fantasies, sure, and I've even imagined myself having sex with "someone" but never anyone specific. I don't know what that makes me either.
I really wish I knew what the answer to this is but unfortunately I still haven't figured it out myself. I actually just 3 days ago got into a relationship and even with my now boyfriend I can't imagine myself having sex. Yet. I do think that maybe a closer emotional attachement might be the answer. I want to give this a go, just to see what happens. I hope you find a way to at least try to work through these issues, I know first hand how paralyzing this can be.