I recently was asked to join a couple in their relationship as the second "wife". I am a little confused as what to do. I find both the man and woman in the relationship attractive, both physically and sexually. I'm not lesbian or bisexual, but I have been curious about females for a long time. I had a threesome in the past and was very aroused by the woman touching me. With that said, I am very curious about trying this relationship. The couple who has asked me are very secure and open in their relationship.

I am a little scared because I have been hurt so much in the past. I dont want to get into this and end up having feelings for both of them and then get hurt by them both. I am also insecure about my body and looks........can this relationship be a bad thing for me??

I dont know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions or experience with this kind of relationship??

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Polyamory is a tricky thing, and it certaintly doesn't work for everyone. My fiancé and I swing but we are not poly, however I have known quite a few people who are. One thing I think people who are in these types of relationships won't always acknowledge is that there is always going to be one relationship out of the multiple that is stronger than the other, most often the two people who have been together the longest. So even if every intention is made for all the relationships to be equal it doesn't always work out that way. That can end up with one of the partners feeling left out.

If you've ever had a problem with jealousy then I would say a poly relationship isn't a very good idea. You would be setting yourself up to feel rejected and hurt. Poly relationships from what my friends have told me take a ton of work more than twice the work of a regular relationship because of the dynamic of multiple people being involved. Think of it in terms of how you would feel if you had to share a previous boyfriend / husband with another woman. How hard would it have been? Would you have been jealous? Also think beyond physical and sexual attractiveness.mdomyou like who these people are on the inside enough to love them hou equally? Do you have enough in common with both of them? With most poly couples I know it's not threesomes all the time it's taking turns two at a time having sex. Would it bother you if the other two had sex and you were left out? There are so many things to think about. Which is why even though I've been invited into a poly relationship, I could never do it. Sex with others without attachment is one thing, but entering a relationship with multiple people where emotions and husband / wife dynamics are involved is a whole other thing I would never be prepare for.

Maybe some others have some opinions too, I hope his has helped you some. Good luck.

[Angelique67]

Excellent answer here already, but in my mind this type of involvement is just asking for trouble. I'd stay far away from it. Second wife is more than just play time - they expect some sort of commitment.

[bixkf]

Much as like a 3some is purely about sex, and everyone needs to understand/agree to the ground rules before anyone starts...a potential poly relationship needs to have the same understanding/agreement. It's one thing for a person to say "hey, wouldn't it be fun if we all lived together, sex and everything, and you could be like...a second wife...", but it's another thing for it to be an actual 2+ person relationship.

Do you know what your feelings are on this idea? Do you want an actual "marital" relationship with both a man and a woman? Do you or could you have feelings for both of them? Do they both have the same for you? Perhaps the idea is really more of a live-in sex partner for an "open" couple, or maybe that's really what you want.

Legally, you would never be equal. You would never have access to marital benefits, and when the relationship ends (with one or both partners) you'll like be out on your behind with little concern from the others.

I know not everyone has the same ideas when it comes to bringing additional partners into an established relationship. At one point in our marriage, my wife thought about bringing her "lifetime best friend" into our home, because she had nowhere to go. My wife "loved" this friend much like she loves me, but "in a way that she could never love me". It wasn't about sex she said...more about "matched life spirits". On the opposite side, as a bisexual man, I always wanted to bring a man into our lives. Not for us to become attached to, but literally for my wife and/or I to have sex with whenever we so desired.

So I hope you can see that even before considering the idea of this poly relationship, the basic parameters need to be well established and understood...otherwise it won't be long before one of you says that you didn't understand what it all meant.

[Webgoji]

I second Angelique67, getting involved in that situation is just begging for trouble.