unwanted sexual response to friend (same sex)

So, this is the situation. I dont have any gay sexual thoughts towards my male friend and i would never start eny step in that way. But i get erection with no reason when having a close contact with him or listening to his sexual details about his sex with girl. Sometimes i get erection when listening other friends talking about sex detailes but this is something else. He is my best frined for 4 years and this situation is awful couse i cant hug him or get in close contact with him. Really this has to stop in any way and i cant tell him that couse its weird even to me.

The main reason for this problem (i think) started when 2 of us were living in this small apartment for 3 months with only one big room and bathroom, and there were this 2 girls that were with us there a lot of time. I was not interested in this girl that suposed to be my sex buddy so we were only sleeping in same bed. but him and the other girl where getting in action every time. So i could not go away couse i was sleepeng there and every night when they were getting in action i woul have a huuge boner listening to them and latter the day after i was masturbating in the bathroom imagining them in action. and that happened a lot of time.

So now i think i developed some kind of sexual disorder and i need help, i really really need help about that. I love spendig time with him couse his my best friend, i dont have any sexual thought or desire about him. I dont have any reading/theory basis or psychological knowladge at all for this problem. but i would say This is some kind of relating sexual pleasure with the wrong subject/person. Also sometimes when i masturbate the picture comes in my head with the 2 of them even if its unwanted. I started to avoid close contact with my frined. this situation makes me sick ....i also avoid beeing with him and this girl (i dont want to change this couse its ok this way, to spend time only with him without his girl). I dont masturbate thinking about them for about a year.

How can i get ridd of this thing in my head? Can i delete it? Can i rewrite it? Will this stop or fade in some kinde of way with the time passing by?



I will describe myself little in detail so you can get some kind of a picture about me:
I am a male, 22 years old and i was waiting a long time to lose my virginity, even i am very nice and hansom etc.... really i had a lot lot of chances to lose my virginity but it took me a long time to found a right girl. Now i am not shure if that was the right thing to do, to wait for the right girl couse i lost my virginity 6 months ago with the wrong one and i feel its ok.

Since my puberty strated (12yrs) i had sexual desire to woman but i also had an gay thoughts and imaginations that i was thinking about when i was masturbating. really never a real desire but thughts. For me it was never a question if i am a gay or not couse i know that i am not. It stopped latter whern i was about 17. I had my early erotic experience thouching with my male friend when i was like 8-10yrs when we were playing with adult magazines and it was very pleasent memory so i think that is the thing that interrupted me in my "normal" early puberty development. i am 100% sure that i am not gay. even if i were gay that is not an option for me. I totaly accepted my self in that early puberty period and i am fine with it..its my way of development to come to this stage of beeing straight

Let me get this straight. Your friend's mere touch and his sexual escapades whilst in the room next to yours, sexually arouse you. You think of gay sexual acts as you masturbate, or once did because it arouses you to the point of having an erection. However, you clearly state that you are not gay yourself? This doesn't make sense, unless, that is, you're suppressing your sexuality in some way. Which, when I think about it, was me some many years ago.

You see, I used to have deeply sexual thoughts about women when I was younger. I found myself enjoying the mere sight of women naked, or in next to nothing. It was hard because, as a woman myself, I felt I wasn't supposed to be attracted to them. I struggled deeply with who I was, and where I fit in this world. There would be nights where I would repeat the phrase "I am not a lesbian" over and over again, as if trying to demand that those sexual thoughts of them would leave my mind forever.

Only recently did I let go of all the inhibitions and decided that, hey, I am sexually attracted to women, and you know what? It's alright. It's normal. I felt so liberated and free for the first time in my life. I'm not some weird sicko, and neither are you. I assure you that being sexually aroused by gay thoughts and such is perfectly normal. Nothing "wrong" about it.

Suppressing your sexuality is like trying to convince yourself not to eat your favorite dish, because no one else you know would like that dish, and you just want to fit into their social norms. Okay, maybe that analogy is sort of stretching it, but you get the idea. You can't just decide to be one sexuality. No one decides who they are attracted to and who they love. It's just the way they are, who they were born to be.

Now, you have two decisions, either embrace yourself for who you are and feel as free as the wind blows, or stay in denial and keep on trying to be someone you're not, no matter how many times you tell yourself you are that way. What will it be?

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His sexual escapades where 1 meter away from me in the same little room, couldnt escape that. I dont know what is the exact thing that gives me a boner. i dont get sexual desire or any thought about him. I dont get thoughts when i am home alone and not when i am masturbating....i just get boner when im listening to his sex detailes or having a close contact. this sucks! couse we were allways so close like huging when beeing drunk on sunday and stuff like that and it not used to be this way.

I am not gay, in fact i dont belive that enyone is gay. i think most people are bisexual but they chouse they way they like.

i did not masturbate thinking about him and me but imagining him and his girl doing it. At that time i was a virgin. Now i sametimes get like flash image of them when masturbating...its just as this thing is written in me like a inprinted code that automatically comes out even not wanted.

I dont want to get naked infront that friend, i dont want to see him naked, i dont want to piss beside him, i dont want to see his penis...get it? and i even avoid to be touched becouse of this erection problem. I am so frustraited about this! and just to say we used to go to the same gym and i had no problem to get naked in front of him or seeing him naked in the shower.

with enyone else there is no problem, i could kiss my all male frineds and we would still be straight. and i can get naked in front of them and jerk of and it wouldnt be a problem. it would be funny probably. well i dont know...lol...but you get what i want to explain? my english is not perfect so i dont know how this looks to someone reading it.

I dont get excited about boys neither do i have any impulses to go and try to do something. When i was younger as teen i was little confused, latter i cleard it out and i know am straight.

the second thing, lol
And really if that is the choice i would allways chose the second thing. Its not the question if i am a stright or gay...its question can i stop this thing?

If i mastrubate watching 2 cats having sex i would be latter excited if i see that scene again? yes? If you masturbate a lot of time to the same thing you start to have some automatical response to that i think.

So how can i stop that? is there an specialist on this area, some kind of therapist?

I just want to have my frendship back to normal again....this is so frustraiting. I cant run from him, i dont want to run...but neither do i want to get some action with him or no other male. Hes like a brother to me, and if this has been happening to me when beeing close with most of the other male frineds i have i would just let them go awqay and i would avoid them with no problem. I just cant and wount let this thing go. I am brave man and i will fight this thing or i cant watch myself in the mirror. i hate this and i hate myself for haveing this problem... not really couse haveing a problem...so it is as it is...but for not being able to get rid of it.

I love my friend, like really really love...pure love...not that stupid feeling when in love with girl but the real feeling of care, the knowing the soul of someone....its like when i watch a little child playing in the park and loughing...i just love that child for beeing there. no reason for that, just i love that child...and for example the dog just for beeng a silly dog. I love him as a human beeing and i just want to hug him like i used to. I love psysical contact with him and all other friends (male and female). we gone to a lot of things together so you can just imagine how this is so hard situation for me

I kind of have to agree with ArtChic, although you state that you aren't gay/bi, you definitely exhibit some strong characteristics of someone that has homosexual tendencies. Sure your mind says no, but your sexuality has both inborn and choice parts. I truly believe that one is heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual at birth...and then we make conscious decisions on how we act on those parts of our personality.

I know that I'm bisexual because I get erections at just the thought of having sex with a guy or a girl. The erection is instinctive, it happens without me deciding it to happen. I can choose to do something with the erection or not, but the erection was all natural.

You may choose to not want to pursue your friend sexually, but there are natural parts of you that are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to other men.

If i am supressing my sexuallity i wouldnt be here and asking this....and fakeing

I had homosexual thoughts when i didnt know really what i like, when i was younger. and even then i wouldn say that i was hmosexual... i woukld say confused. in fact i had very much conatct with girls and i like that. And i finally done it with a girl at 22 yrs age after idiotic waiting for some kind of...i don know girl from paradise.

Males does not interest me not a bit. I am 100% sure that i am straight. I cant even imagine myself with a male in any kind of sexual contact. I even tried to imagine me and this friend in the sexual contact to test myself and it is unpleasant.

In the end i dont want to think about if i am a straight or do i think i am.
I just want some kind of solution for this... Can i stop getting unwanted erection?

If there is a bisexual man with let say tendency of 60% towards a males and 40% to women...can that man train himself not to feel sexual arousal obout males if he never thinks about males or masturbates thinking of them? Will that percentage go up to 90% towards woman?

i know If i feel sexual arousal to some particular woman i still can stop that with a time, become friend, so this can be done with a male to?

I am very intersted in this subject.... I dont know if there is still some little gay inside of me that enjoyed my masturbating about man and that he exist someware deep. If there is still that gay inside of me i would feel some kind of impuls to watch gay porography or to masturbate about man...but i dont.

If hes there he will get kicked out. Thats my decision and my real self...i dont feel other way then straight. did i done to my self an unchangeable "damage" masturbating thinking of males?

There is no more confusion inside of me but there is a lot of questions

Hello and welcome to Psych Central nogej!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

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I'm sorry for your struggles. If I saw a couple having sex only meters away from me I would be sexually aroused too!!!!! It's only natural. It doesn't matter if your gay, straight or otherwise. It's sexually stimulating. Not something that would be easy to get out of your head either. I don't think you have a disorder at all. The thought of the two of them having sex stimulated you. I totally get it. I also think many children experiment with sex at an early age with the same or opposite sex. It depends on what you were exposed to at that time. You say you were viewing pornography. You were exposed to sex. You just happened to be with a male friend at the time. You may have to practice capturing your thoughts when you feel them coming on. This may help and you'll find that those memories will slowly fade away. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!