Hello there!!

Hello,

I am a married 38 year old mother and housewife who is currently in therapy because my subconscious has "shut down" my arousal and orgasm capabilities. We are currently trying to locate the "trigger" so that we can reverse it via hypnotherapy.

But, I actually came to the site with a different issue. The issue is with my husband. He is hypersexed, and we have been battling it for the entire 7 years that we've been married. He doesn't have the "fleeting sex thoughts" that most males experience. He thinks about sex constantly. It never leaves his mind. To make matters worse, I have fibromyalgia, so sex is somewhat painful and awkward for me.

Over the past couple of weeks, he has begun touching me while I am sleeping. The issue is that I am a sleepwalker, so I am never fully asleep. The fondling is waking up my subconscious mind, which is talking and responding to him while he is performing intercourse (my conscious mind is still asleep). He tells the after the first time that "she is a freak". It has happened two more times, but the last time was three nights ago. I was exhausted from a long weekend, and specifically asked him to let me sleep through the night. Well, he didn't. I partially woke up as he was finishing. I wasn't sure if it was real or a dream. I waited all day for him to say something, and when he still hadn't after dinner, I confronted him. He admitted to it. He said that he was only planning on "touching a little" while he masturbated, but he knows what he triggers when he does this.

I asked him when he was planning on telling me, and he said that he would have eventually admitted it. It's not like him to hide things from me. I'm worried that his preoccupation with sex is getting worse, especially since he seems to prefer sex when I am asleep.

Uh, that's not good. You aren't conscious enough to give consent and even though you're married, consent is still a MUST. He's performing rape. And from another man's perspective, it's just plain wrong. I'm genuinely scared for you.

What's he's doing absolutely must stop now. No if's or but's. And personally I think you need to get somewhere safe. He needs serious therapy and I think you need to take a really good look at the situation. Does this need to be reported?

Thank you Webgoji for responding.

I was the victim of marital rape with my first husband, and this is nothing like that.

I finally got him to sit down and discuss it last night. He is a little naive, and thought that because my subconscious was consenting that I was consenting. He understands now, and said that he won't do it again without asking me before I fall asleep if it's ok. I told him that it is not ok at the present time at all, and he promised to stop. I believe him, but if it happens again I will take action.

I do think that it was making his sex preoccupation worse. My therapist needs to figure out what my trigger was so that I can get him into therapy. We thought that it was the marital rape, but dealing with that issue did not help my problem.

Thank you for showing concern. It's really nice to know that there are people in this world who still care about others. I promise that if he does it again without my consent, I will take action.

I am wondering though. How is it that my subconscious responds to him with no pain? Has anyone else had their subconscious participate during sleep sex?

Bell, I must agree with Web. I am sorry that your husband is taking advantage of you in this way. I am also sorry that you, yourself are having your own personal sexual issues. I hope that Hypno-therapy works for you. I hope also that you can actually get some sleep.

I too agree with both WebGoji and Calpoe, what your husband is doing is wrong. He can make all the excuses and justification he wants, but so long as he doesn't obtain clear consent, he is violating you. It is possible that your subconscious has actually provided verbal consent (inferred from you saying that you talk while having sex while sleeping). But he KNOWS that this might not actually be YOU providing consent. As there is risk to attempting intercourse during sleeping periods, your husband should avoid any possible attempts when you are asleep. That's just common courtesy, especially for a married couple.