To virgins 30+ old (like me) - how do you think about your virginity?

I find it shameful and also a sorrow to be 30+ and still a virgin. As it´s quite uncommon I would like to hear from others in the same situation, being 30+ old and still a virgin.

I think I have lost so much time, the years have just passed by and I have never taken the step to even date. I don´t know why exactly, I´m not disabled and I think I look like "everyone else", nothing special or odd.

I wouldn´t feel comfortable just chatting and dating, it´s not my style and I wouldn´t sleep with anyone just to get rid of my virginity. I don´t think it´s something "beautiful" about being a virgin at this age and it´s not because of that I´ve stayed a virgin.

I don´t have a social phobia either but at the moment I don´t have any friends and I have for long had trust issues with people. I often find people deceitful and I want a real deep connection to feel it´s worth hanging out with people. Perhaps that´s a clue to why I´ve stayed a virgin.

Whatever it depends on it´s a sorrow and a shame and I would like to share this with people in the same situation.

Hi Sarah,

I'm in your exact position. I'm 33 and have never had sex either. As a male, I find it beyond degrading and so painful because I can't tell family & the few friends I have.

I hear your hurt, it feels like we're so far behind. My fear is finding someone and then losing that someone when she finds out (and in spite of what I'm told it will be found out) and thinks I'm some piece of trash. If it weren't a big deal, why is it so scorned?

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, and it's nothing to be ashamed of! I find the whole idea that everyone is supposed to loose it as a teenager, or that we're all supposed to be permiscuous totally perplexing. It's all backwards, what happened to chastity and fidelity? If anyone thinks less of me because I have higher standards, I'm embarrassed for them, not of myself.

Having said that, I do find being alone and getting older painful. I feel sorrow at not being married, and sad because I haven't had sex. It's not that I need to check it off my list, or even because most people my age have, it's that I would like to experience that. I feel like something is missing from my life. At the same time I do NOT want anything less than exclusive, loving, secure, and forever. To me anything less would be a loss. I don't want to "sleep" with someone, I want to love someone, commitment. I'd rather save it, even if it means dying a virgin. To me love and marriage, and ideally babies, are what it's all about.

I'm 41. If anyone has a problem with that it's their problem, not mine. Of course it hurts being in my situation for personal reasons, but I'm not concerned in the least that anyone would think less of me for being a virgin. Honestly and truly I'm not. I feel quite the opposite, I feel bad that so many people cheapen sex so much. If sex isn't that important, why judge someone for not doing it? That doesn't make any sense to me.

Yeah, as a 31-year-old male it's really embarrassing and depressing to be a virgin because it's not by choice. If you make that choice not to have sex then yeah, it's not an issue at all, props to you -- but for people like me who WANT it quite badly but cannot get it, it sucks bigtime. Especially when my dream since childhood was to find just one special female to share my life with, romantically and as best friends.

Honestly I'm still hung up on it. I still fantasize about young love, live it vicariously through media like books and movies. I don't think I'll ever get over it, even though I know it's pathetic and pointless.

I have severe social anxiety -- and yes, I use that as my "excuse," especially to myself. Maybe it really is just a hollow excuse, but it makes me feel better sometimes. It's better than admitting to myself that I'm a broken, useless man that nobody could ever love.

I've learned to get over the stigma of being a virgin. I've realized what was obvious to me, or at least should have been, but I refused to come to grips with- that just because I'm not like everyone else doesn't mean I'm a failure, and that choosing to have sex with someone because you want THAT PERSON in particular, not just in desperation to lose your virginity to anybody, is the best way to go anyway. It's definitely a more flattering reason for the person you're having sex with.

It's hard to watch attractive young people in love and knowing they're having sex, yes. However, I try to remember that jealousy does me no good, it just robs me of peace of mind and gratitude for what I DO have in life. Their lives aren't perfect either.

I applaud many of the posts here. However, if it weren't such an impediment to finding love, it wouldn't hurt so much. I swear felons are scorned less than 30+ involuntarily celibate males (I can't call myself a man, I'm barely human).

i am not a virgin to perhaps i should not be replying...

i do find it odd that people wait for the ideal person or relationship or whatever. i am not saying dont wait, but if you want to and you havent because you want the perfect moment...

i dont think it is ever perfect. it may not even feel good. likely it will be awkward, no matter who you are with. so if waiting is associated with so much anxiety... i know of people who think that sparks will fly and it will be amazing. they are always disappointed. you wont be ruined if you are not in the perfect situation.

i think that most metaphors for losing virginity are absurd. losing, itself... we dont lost any part of ourselves. we arent giving any part of ourselves away.... this idea that we are giving something up screws up a lot of girls, i think.

Give Me Sex Jesus - Top Documentary Films
interesting doc, balanced...

i realize no one mentioned religion but it applies in other ways to the process of waiting.