So confused. Any insight?

This has happened in all of my relationships. As soon as I start dating someone I will have sex with them up to 3 times a day every day and I feel like I can be sexual and comfortable. (Maybe this is because of the BPD) Then the longer we date the less I start to feel comfortable having sex, although I mentally want to have sex and I am aroused but my body is repulsed by being touched.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I am struggling pretty bad recently I keep trying to have sex because I love him very much but as soon as he touches me with my clothes off I shut down.
Sometimes I just have sex with him even when my body doesn't want to because I feel like I depriving him of sex, but he says for me not to have sex with him unless I'm 100% comfortable unfortunately at this point I feel like I am never comfortable.
I know I should seek out a therapist about this but I am currently in DBT and have to focus on that so I was just wondering How can I feel empowered sexually again? I just feel like there are a lot of things I would like to do in the bedroom mentally but when it comes down to doing it I shut down.

Are you an abuse survivor?

I am although I feel as though I am just coming to terms with that.

Probably not about sex as much as intimacy issues. Dah. But for me this is always the root cause. Without emotional intimacy the other just refuses to work after the newness is gone. Need to look at what's happening outside the bedroom...

I mean we have our fair share of issues but we have always been very close we can talk about anything and we solve our problems together or go to couples therapy if we can't figure it out on our own but I can tell it's definitely something that is going on with in me and not the relationship itself because it has happened with everyone I've dated and I have been abused in the past which until recently I wasn't able to even verbalize that I was abused, I would just say I have "sex issues" so I'm wondering if it's the fact that I've never dealt with any of that. I guess I've always been the type to think if I don't speak about the bad stuff and push it away from my thoughts and try to stay positive it will go away.

Well, you are certainly brave now! I'm just saying that intimacy issues are probably involved even though it is in the sexual arena...whether for you alone or within a relationship.

Just curious- Do you differentiate between having sex and making love?

Because in the beginning of a relationship it is just wild sex. After time, it becomes more personal and intimate and I have more of a desire for expressing my feelings during sex. That to me is making love.

I can relate to this. I also have a history of abuse and reading your post is like looking back in time to my life. It was very frustrating and even after seeing therapists, I couldn't open up and work through those issues to really make progress. But I eventually moved past it and am able to be comfortable with my sex life and have a desire for it again. Reaching out on here is a step in the right direction! I can understand the guilt you may be feeling toward your partner. It is uncomfortable. It was one of those things that had to take its course. Seeing a therapist may still be advisable or even looking in to a couples retreat to enhance the bond between yourself and your partner. In some aspects,I had to start over and without a history of sexless nights hanging over my head.

Best of luck!!!!

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I honestly feel really misunderstood at this point and feel like I am having to defend my relationship and the real issue is not being discussed which is my sexual dysfunction not an issue with my partner. I don't want to talk about this anymore so if this post could be closed I would appreciate it.

Im sorry you're feeling that way. I hope you find the support you need.

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