[MistressoftheDark13]

Ok so I am having an issue. I have been with my fiance for almost a year now. We were friends for 8 years before we dated and we are very good friends. We have a great sex life but that is where the issue lies. I want to have sex all the time day, night, it doesn't matter I just want him to touch me and can't keep my hands off of him. He will tell me that he loves being intimate but we need to take a break from sex for a few days because it will become more of a chore than anything. So I'm OK with this from time to time and after about two days I get kinda ancy. That is only a slight issue. I have this I would say its possibly a fetish or release not sure exactly how to classify it. Although we have really good sex I always want to be smacked around, choked to the point I have bruises or almost pass out, hurt to the point I'll be sore for a few days, I've have bruises, bruised bite marks, a busted lip and I love it. I just get such a peaceful feeling from being abused during sex. He however doesn't do this often unless I press the issue he is afraid that he is going to hurt me. I tried to explain to him that was the point. That pain gives me a sense of emotional freedom and I have never trusted another man to do these things to me. The issue I am having with this situation is the fact that when we just have regular sex I'm bored and don't get that release I'm looking for. I've talked to my mother about the situation, which in all honesty probably wasn't the best idea but I figured since she does have a degree in Psychology and she knows me well that she could give me some insight. Well bad idea because the mom side of her kicked in and the psychology degree went out the window so now she is afraid that I'm going to get hurt engaging in the things I like. I just don't know what to do. The best way I can describe it would be like someone who gets emotional release from cutting, punching a wall, or even crying. It isn't a huge issue yet but I'm afraid it might turn into one later on down the road.

[healingme4me]

I'd say, it's become an 'issue', because now you are bored with vanilla sex. And, this sounds like a long term relationship.
There's some insightful, BDSM literature out there, for long term committed relationships. Perhaps, reading those, will help you both. ?? Not sure...
No need, to lose intimacy from your seemingly D/s relationship.

Hope you can sort through it.

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[SeekingHelp18]

I have to say your post gives me some relief. Here I am a guy, finding sexual satisfaction in being the dominant, doing these things you speak of. It has been causing me some worry as I thought I would never find a consensual partner for this type of thing. When you say it is related to the emotional release of cutting, that strikes me as a concern. I think engaging in this kind of behavior is safe as long as your partner understands your boundaries. Honestly, I am in the process of understanding my "fetish".

[Webgoji]

I can say from one man's perspective that being rough, hitting, spanking can be so emotionally draining (to the point of upsetting) that after a point he needs a break. I bet he enjoys it because you enjoy it, but at another level he probably also hates lifting a finger to you even if you want him to.

I agree with Healing4Me in that it sounds like it's becoming an issue. I would certainly suggest talking with a therapist so you can both work through it, negotiate what will work for you both and keep your intimacy.

[hamster-bamster]

To add to what Webgoji said, it is simply physically draining. If a person doesn't get excited by choking their partner but has to do so at her request, he'd be tired.

Plus, you have to realize that just as vanilla sex is boring for you, all that smacking and choking and hitting must be boring for him.