Pondering my sexuality while still single

I find labels to prescriptive. Each label comes with a specific style and behaviour that is performed with it so I am trying to avoid them. I think the only one that matters I think is if you are mono or poly since this is the only one affecting your partner. If I say I am straight and have a committed relationship with a woman, I guess it doesn't really matter to people or to her how I identify as...

I am single and when I was with my ex, we were poly. Right now as a single woman, I guess I am mono at the moment. However, when I am ready to date casually/short term I still want to be to able to see other people, on my terms, and making no promises to others only to myself. Being poly but solo if you will....

The point I was asking in my question is being seen with a woman in an intimate way in public. The first and only gf I had it was intimidating, we held hands and kissed in public. What I didn't like were the disapproving of eyes which shouldn't have been their biz. I am a very private person, nobody knows much about me unless I tell them or they only see something that they think is the present me.

I haven't practiced poly in a long time and was wanting to date a woman for either myself or if she wanted to date my ex and i as a couple. I did go to a poly support group such great info and plan to go back for more once **** is established. So yes, I still carry a great deal of shame....

Exactly.

If you say you're gay/lesbian and date someone of the opposite sex at some point, people say you were just going through a phase, you were faking it, blah, blah, blah.

If you say you're bisexual and go through a time of switching to dating just men or just women, people say you were never bi, you were either experimenting or not ready to fully come out of the closet.

I honestly hate labels and see no need for them.

I hate to seem so irate over the whole thing, but it is something that just makes me mad. The funny thing is that its the NON-straight community that cares so darn much about my orientation (and not because there's any interest). Funny because people have this assumption that its narrow minded straight people that are the most judgmental. So not true. Straight people are like "fck, we don't care what you are!" Its live and let live. I've had gay/lesbian people tell me that my sexuality doesn't exist or that I'm just not ready to come out (when i would say I was bi). I was PRESSURED to admit I was a lesbian! I've been pressured to clearly identify my orientation as if its going to be set in stone. ARGH. Just live and let live. I honestly think that all of these labels just create distance between people instead of bringing everyone together. That is, it may bring those with the same label together, but overall labeling only serves to put distance between said groups. We need to treat people as individuals and not as a label.

*end vent*

I know what you mean, it's ridiculous. I am just getting to the point of it's my rules, I date whoever interests me I am almost 30 don't have time for the debates! I am not looking for a long term serious relationship at all so...it's like sorry my career is coming first and if I want companionship I will say so. I know it's like confusing for me right now as to how I am gonna explain this to others. I know this won't go well if a person will have serious feelings for me or if others don't agree with what I am doing I have told them before find someone else who wants what you want and leave me be they hated that! It's true, right?

Lol I've said the same thing, and people DO get mad! I think they say it because they want you to change, and when you don't give in and respond like that, they're not getting their way so they just get mad.

I've also encountered the "I won't date you because you don't have the right sexual orientation" thing. It's a lesbian thing I guess? They get dumped by one bisexual person and as a result decide they won't date bisexuals again because ONE bisexual dumped them. It's like if I was dumped by someone of a particular faith and then decided to discriminate against all people of that faith and say I won't date anyone in that faith ever again cuz one person dumped me. Same darn thing. The funny thing is that they say all bisexuals go back to men. Well DUH when no lesbian will date a bi chick, who else are we supposed to date?!? In the end you can't win. I was tired of getting crap for identifying my sexual preferences so I just stopped labeling myself and now I'm much happier. I was tired of the LGBT community claiming to be open and loving and accepting when I continued to get kicked in the teeth by so many people proud of the cause. It just hurts when you think you've found support in a community that claims to support you but in reality you're even more of an outsider there. I really do think that the "B" in LGBT is a lie. Of course all of my bad experiences were over 10 years ago. I hope the community is more open and less exclusionary nowadays. I'm not really willing to test it out after I was treated so poorly by a number of hypocritical members of their community. And I know that not everyone is like that, but once you get burned, you don't seek out support anymore.

Exactly, the only use of labels that I can see is put out a framework of what you want and should only be in reference to a person you have some sort of relationship with. If I for example, I am into dating multiple people I would say I am poly from the start as it is something that sets some boundaries and can avoid awkward situations(are we together or casual?etc) But otherwise, I think you are what you are and if a label helps you define yourself do it, but shouldn't be the case for everyone.

Personally, I came to terms with being gay quite recently. After dating a guy for 6 years and being super frustrated over my lack of sexual desire, I started dating women and it somehow worked.

In the beginning I was really scared as well to have any sort of affectionate behavior in public, cause I had bad experience from people harassing me for that. But after a year of being in a healthy relationship, I really don't care anymore what people would say. I am not talking about making out in public but nice signs of affection like holding hands or a quick kiss. I am in love, and we are really cute together, and if people can't appreciate this, then probably they are bitter over their own relationships. It always makes me smile when people hold hands or show any signs of affection, no matter if they are young or really old. It is somehow refreshing and gives me hope...

Yea, nobody in the LGBT seems to be happy at all nothing but drama and if you're not perfect I have zero interest. How could you scream for respect, love, and open mindedness yet not doing the same within your own community? I am on Okcupid, I get more lesbians viewing my profile than bi girls. On past sites, I've had more lesbians contact me than bi girls then later on an equal amount of lesbians and bi girls contacting me.

I'm always ending up with guys and they say you gotta work hard to get a woman. It shouldn't be hard we got gay marriage accepted in this country yet women still can't snag another woman? Still gotta be discreet about it? I have sent my replies to women it was like talking to lil girls like omg! I guess since I've been single for almost 5 months I'll probably get told now you're a lesbian it's about time lmao!