irrational fear of childbirth

I am a 30 year old woman. I am having suicidal thoughts because being a woman feels degrading to me. I don't like the fact that I am expected to share my body with others. I don't want other people to enter my body during sex. I am extremely scared of the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. The mere thought makes me feel extremely degraded and scared for my life. I don't want to be ripped apart or cut open. I don't want to be forced to lie naked in front of other people, being screamed at while being in extreme pain or having to empty my bowels in front of other people. The very thought of this process makes me feel so degraded that I immediately start thinking about suicide. It is an irrational fear because I stopped having sex years ago, so there is not actually a chance that I could get pregnant. On the other hand I am very sad because I can never have a family due to these thoughts.

I am in pain. I just need someone to talk to but I don't have anyone to talk to at the moment. I am grateful for answers.

Sometimes we women generate "war stories" about pregnancy. Sure it hurts and your body undergoes some major changes in the course of a pregnancy, but for most women the experience is worth it. The joy of holding a new life in your arms, knowing that you are responsible for bring a new life into the world was a wonderful experience that cannot be compared to anything else.

As far as sex is concerned my first experience was a rape. It was not done freely but rather I was someone to use. In my late teens I used it as a way to control me and get what I wanted.

As far as being degraded, I am sure that it feels that way when you are having sex with someone you do not love, Yet I found that when I fell in love it became a beautiful expression of love that I could not get too much of

I know that different women have different sexual appetites but sex and child bearing are natural processes, not to be feared but to be enjoyed

Having said all of that, my heart goes out to you though. It would be really worthwhile to seek out professional counseling for this. Your body is your own and what you choose to do is your decision.

I agree with JLarissaDragon that counseling is a good idea. It sounds like there's a lot more going on than just a fear of childbirth and a good counselor can help you work through that.