How to make sex special again (Might be TMI for some)?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and was wondering why I'm not as enthralled with having orgasms as I used to be. Okay, so having an orgasm is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but it seems I've overexposed myself to porn these last few years, and what used to excite me, doesn't have nearly the same impact it used to. Also, the act of having sex just doesn't seem to be anything special to me. If it's good sex, it feels awesome, but emotionally, I'm just doing it because of that, fulfilling a need that needs to be filled. It's like eating. I do eat because I'm hungry, same as I have sex because I have the need to orgasm.

However, I find I orgasm better when I masturbate than I ever did having sex. Maybe I just haven't found the right partner? Goodness knows it didn't help when my latest ex had the misfortune of performance anxiety and sex was more so....exasperating than anything else. I really felt for the guy, it wasn't his fault, and tried so hard to work with him. Nothing really worked. A

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can sastisfy myself sufficiently, what incentive do I have to seek out another person to do it? Also, maybe the porn I watch, and the frequency, has dulled me somewhat to the special moments that making love to a lover can create. Is that possible?

I know masturbation is normal, and exploration of one's body and finding what works and what doesn't is a healthy thing to do, and should be encouraged. I know all that. It's just, maybe I'm indulging a touch too often to make it a novelty anymore, and also killing any desire I have to find a partner. Making love should be a treat, something special shared between lovers, right? I should have the desire to go out and seek that "something special", and find joy, and a deeper level of connection, in sharing sexual release with a partner.

Is abstaining from porn and masturbation for a while the solution? Should I hold off until I have a lover, so that the act of achieving an orgasm is something to look forward to, something of an incentive to go out and find love? I think that's what I'm going to do for now. It's not that I view masturbation as being wrong in any way, it's just....I think I need a way to make sex and orgasms special again.

Hmmm. Guess I answered this myself.

Actually, it sounds like you're missing something important there; emotional intimacy. That starts outside of sex while eating dinner or taking a walk or watching a movie. Work on the emotional intimacy and the world opens up sexually.

Emotional intimacy? I guess I've been so disappointed in the past with people I've learned to instinctively shut off any emotional connections I might have with them. No emotional investment, no pain later on.

So, you're saying I need to unlearn this a bit?

Whenever you make yourself emotionally available, you will leave yourself open to the possibility of disappointment and emotional upset. But you also give yourself the chance to connect with someone at an entirely different level.

Sex without emotional intimacy is like throwing two steaks at each other; yeah the slapping sound is kinda fun but it gets boring after a while. But with emotional intimacy it becomes a communion between two souls and an experience that transcends something as simple as boredom. It becomes something special to be treasured.

I'm too scared to open myself up to the possibility of pain again.

I would recommend "staying in training" even if just with yourself. Theres a reason they say "use it or lose it"! You wanna be ready to get right into the game.

What does "staying in training" mean?

I agree it's very scary. But it's also lonely to have those walls up. It's also not something that happens overnight. It takes a lot of bravery to peek out and I know you've got it in you.

I'm going to try with super small itty bitty baby steps. If I see encouraging results, I'll take even more.

I've never been more terrified.

EDIT: Took the first tiny step and texted this guy I met on a dating site. We are just texting right now, but I'm going to ask him if he wants to meet up in the near future.

I have difficulty orgasming because of many years of masturbating and not having a steady partner. It is so used to my touch that when I am with a woman it frustrates her and I because of my difficulty. But I feel very blessed that I can orgasm at all and I have no problem doing it myself, sometimes it just takes a while. The pleasure of orgasm is so important to me and I would be devastated without it.

Thanks for contributing Capricorn. I appreciate it.

I'm now trying to "unlearn" the defensive aggression I usually throw up as a means to protect myself, and to allow people into my inner sanctum. I'm just being very wise as to how I do it, and to whom I let in.