Sex and Religion *WARNING: lengthy prelude*

Hi, I hope I am doing this right and I apologize for my ignorance if I am doing it wrong. My question will conclude at the end of the story. I will try to be concise.

I am on here to seek ANY help or direction regarding my partner. I am a 24 yr old Caucasian male dating a 20 yr old Hispanic woman. We have been dating for the last 7 1/2 months. Prior to me, she had sexual relations with approx. 10 men-- the most recent serious relationship lasting ~6 months with a 29 yr. old hispanic man who had a severe napoleon complex (she was 19 at the time). She would show off her body on social media in revealing ways and meet guys off dating apps and apps like instagram. That 29 yr old man was very controlling and aggressive with her. Had her change her phone number numerous times, lost connection with her friends, became slightly physical when she wasn't in the mood for sex, and often succumbed to **** often to prevent him from blowing up. He admitted that he had a picture or video of 60+ of his sexual encounters through his life that he kept on a thumbdrive as a "trophy"; scum of a guy. He caught her on a sugar daddy website and broke up with her but would attempt to black mail her for 2 months following the break-up by requesting sex otherwise he would show her family the pictures and videos he has of them doing sexual activities. She would then officially meet me (off tinder) ~2-3 months after that break-up. Throughout the these 7 1/2 months, sex was very common and prevalent. Our relationship had hit a couple serious road bumps. 2 months into it she randomly breaks up with me for no reason and then the next day sends a series of emails admitting to suscpicions I had regarding her life (she would Uber to me sometimes...sometimes drive a really nice car....claimed to live in a nice 4 bdrm home w. just an older brother and his son...would be difficult to hang out with despite having no known family in her life...etc). Essentally the first 2 months of our relationship were COUNTLESS lies; she lived with her parents and had 3 other sisters and she would sometimes drive her sister's car to see me because she was embarassed of her car. But I accepted her back because I felt that her lies and everything were things she was just self-conscious about. Regardless, 3 months later... I discover that she has an account on a sugar daddy website and was attempting to cheat on me. I'd further discover that she had inquired about getting into a form of prositution amongst other things. I cut things off with her and inform her sister that she should watch after her sister because she is engaging in some potentially dangerous activities. Eventually the parents catch wind of what's going on (conservative catholic, hispanic family). A verbal altercation ensues and the next morning I receive pleads for help and such from her because her family doesn't want anything to do with her. She comes to me and I learn about everything from the past and then I ask if shes truly suicidal in which she said she was. I go with her to nearest hospital and she admits herself on a 5150 hold. Would sit by her bedside for 16 hrs until Psych Ward came and took her. She would be on a hold for 5 days. She gets out and contacts me. Life-changing experience. I try to be there for her and help her work on her.

She has completely taken a turn for the better. She was on a anti-depressant when she got out of 5150 hold but she only took it for ~3 weeks consistently because it always made her too tired and she didn't feel like herself and does not take it at all now. She was suppose to getting therapy once a month but only went once. She started attending Al Anon meetings since she got out and has greatly enjoyed them. I have been going with her to them the last 1.5 months. She has had a desire to become more involved with her religion by attending some groups and mass. At first it was 2-3 a week but tapered and she has been going back and forth it attending it. At first I was just there for her to help her recover but our love for each other continued to flourish and we became a exclusive to one another no more than a month after she was released from 5150 hold.

The issue that currently persists is that she really really wants to learn more about her religion and wants to become involved but she has a very strong sexual urges. She's always really enjoyed sex prior to her rock bottom experience in a 5150 hold. When she first got out of 5150, She had been sex-free for about 2 1/2 weeks. I think in the last 3 months, the longest she has gone without sex is about 13 days.

What has been happening is she has been really wanting sex but has also been really wanting to be honest to her religion and find her "higher power". I do not actively practice any form of religion and of course I want to help her, but the slightest things prompt her to become sexually devious. Seeing people in their bathing suits and the beach....putting her feet on my torso...simple kisses. Once, she was out delivering something for her work and she had a urge so she went home and masturbated then went back to work. She knows what she's doing isn't "right" according to her religion but she cannot seem to control herself. I, as a non-religious male and significant other, want to make her happy first and foremost. She will typically masturbate to kill her sex-free streak and then just insist on sex since she already feels that she broke the streak by "indulging". I would say out of the 5-7 times she has broken her sex-free streak, over 70% was a masturbation during the day rather than intercourse between us. I have become aware of when she wants to be sex-free again and adjust how I wish. I never insist or ask for sex ever due to the sensitive nature; she will always be the initiator. Everytime she gets in that mood, I always ask her 2-3x if she is sure this is something she wants to do and if she realizes what she is doing. I cannot just push her off and reject her because that makes her upset.

Does anybody have any help/advice on what she should do regarding balancing her sexual urges and getting in-touch with her higher power? The guilt after sex often leaves her sad and disheveled for a bit and unmotivated. I know the easy answer is "STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER WHEN SHE WANTS IT", but her and I both know she will "indulge" herself one way or another Our relationship is fine. I am not afraid she is going to have sex with another guy or anything. I would just like to find a direction with substance that seems right for her and this time. Like, should she forego religion and focus on her mental health and just let sex be there as it should or should she seek therapy for a potential sex addiction or maybe it is THAT serious where I should seriously put my foot down and not give her the sex she wants even if it means she will masturbate on my bed right in front of me or leave and go home to do it.

Any help is appreciated.

Hello 009200217: Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Honestly... I don't know what to tell you about this. I'm not a religious person either. So I can't really relate to this situation on that level. But it is my perspective that the "intersection" of sexuality & religion has been causing catastrophic collisions for religious people for thousands of years!

It does certainly sound as though this woman is addicted to sex. From my perspective, I don't know that she should forego her religious calling. But I do think she needs to pursue some mental health therapy in an effort to deal with her sex addiction. (It may be wise for her to be checked out medically too... perhaps by an endocrinologist, or other secialist. It could be there is something physical going on here.)

I don't think that refusing to have sex with your lady is the answer. As you said, if the two of you don't have sex, she'll just masturbate. Something is driving her addiction to sex. And this needs to be addressed. But, in the meantime, trying to artificially enforce some sort of abstinence is, it seems to me, just compounding the problem. At least these are my thoughts...

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Thank you for the warm welcoming. I appreciate your response and hope more will respond to my thread. Are there any professionals I can contact on here somehow ?