No desire for sex

I'm 52 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for 14 years. This is the longest relationship I have ever had. When we first met it was sex, sex, sex. After two years I left my home in Texas to move with him to to his home in Oklahoma. Then he started hinting around about how he likes women's clothes, to wear. I should have left then but I was in love with this guy. So I tried to understand show my support and indulge with him in his fetishes. I tried I really did try. Then I noticed that my clothes started disappearing or I would find female underwear that was not mine. When I confronted him he would deny taking my clothes. Just flat out lie to me. Later he would say "if I had my own things......" So I took him shopping and eventually he would destroy the items he bought and my clothes would end up missing again. Facebook made its way into our lives and I caught him having cyber sex with an old girlfriend. I left him! I thought maybe he needed to find someone who was into what he desires. It was 6 wonderful months of just me but somehow he was able to work his way back into my life. I do not participate in his sexual fantasies anymore, that stopped when the cyber sex started. I just didn't get it. It doesn't do anything for me. We would have sex but I felt empty. I feel like I lost the man I fell in love with. I keep seeing email (sexual) conversations between him and different females he went to school with. Since 2013 we probably have had sex maybe ten times. I don't like it. I don't desire it. I don't won't to be pounded on. He's always wanting me, touching me and I pull away. He said there is something wrong with me and its not normal not wanting to be intimate. I've told him over and over why I feel this way but he thinks it's because I'm going starting menopause. I've tried to leave but he give me a guilt trip. I'm so lost. Help?

Hello meangreen64: I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation. The Skeezyks doesn't really have much of anything to offer here I'm afraid. (I do think your response to this situation is perfectly understandable.) However, I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

You're still young. Ditch this guy and make a life for yourself that makes you happy. You've invested far too much precious time in a guy who cares more about his weirdnesses than he does you. Move on and find someone new. Your body is telling you what your mind needs to accept.

You may love this guy but you're not in love. In fact I feel by what you're saying that you are completely irreversibly turned off by him. The chemistry is gone. Resentment has built. All signs of impending dissolution of relationship. You are basically room mates.

Go live your life. You are too young to not be enjoying it. He is by far one of the biggest red flags I've read about here so far. Put as much distance as you can from the guy. Change your number or block his. Make him a distant memory. You watch. After a while when you've healed those feelings you don't have right now will come raging back. I can say that with certainty. I went through it with my ex husband (the lack of sexual attraction not the cross dressing). A week after I left not a word of a lie I was ready and willing it was so foreign a feeling I wasn't sure what to do. I figured it out quickly and now have a new husband and well things work fine in that department. We were together 6.5 yrs before we married. We had to be sure it was right. And it's more than right. I'm no spring chicken either.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Ending a relationship is not easy. I wish you the best in whatever choice you make. Take care of YOU!