Can't stop thinking about sex, to the point I can't function anymore, need it gone

Everything I enjoy is highly sexualized whether it's games, music, TV, movies, ..everything. It's everywhere, a constant reminder.

I had so many issues growing up that I never had room in my mind to think about girls and went to an all boys high school to boot.

I don't have any social skills and sex is a social activity. I have very few friends and any female ones are in a relationship and don't consider me in that regard.

I've tried to ask girls out in the past, not a lot, they never agree, and they sometimes express discomfort and even voice it. I don't understand why they think I'm doing something wrong. Now I feel guilty if I even like someone or have feelings towards them.

I'm 28 years old and the only thing I can do to get rid of it is of course masturbation but it's not satisfying, it comes back 2-3x a day, and I have to do it so much it's having a vast effect on my physical health in the form of severe headaches and lack of ability to focus (in any way) the remainder of the day. I've never had sex. I've always said I feel lonely and need that connection, comfort, but I never got it and I'm too far gone to ask for that much now.

I wont take any anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, they have bad side effects and more importantly despite trying almost everything that could help none of them have ever had a positive effect other than stopping me hallucinating (had them since I was 8, I don't care if I see them anymore, I'm inured to them). And they all make me gain weight and drain my energy to the point I can't even look after myself.

I'm terrified of people trying to talk to me in public, I can never have an encounter that doesn't make me feel alienated and awkward. I've lived my entire life with women expressing nothing other than repulsion towards me and I don't think I'm actually that unattractive so I can't understand, and it just sends me back to the time I was 5-8 years old living with our insane mother, where everyone told me there was things terribly wrong with me and our family.

I need the urges gone, I can't focus on anything, not fixing my health, life, situation, anything, it's in the way. It needs to go.

Hello ziiz: I'm sorry you are experiencing this difficulty. I'm an old man now. But I can still remember how it was when I was young. Unfortunately I don't know as I have any particularly insightful suggestions for you. Honestly, I don't know what can be done with regard to the sexual urges you experience. They're a part of being a young man.

Perhaps the thing you could work on is how you feel about yourself, the terror you feel when talking to people in public, & the response you're getting from women you meet, as well as with regard to your family history. These are things you could work on with the help of a skilled therapist. It can take a while to find the right one for you. But if you can find one you feel is right for you, that person might be of great benefit. Perhaps it's worth a try. I wish you well...

Hi Skeezyks, thanks for replying. I know it's a part of being a young man but most young men can do something about it.

I spent from the age of 18-27 receiving therapy and psychiatrist care. After that they didn't have anything left to do or try. Nothing...

I've since tried to get them to give me further care and they just say they can't help me, basically unless I work or study again they wont let me see anyone.

Also, when I do talk to a professional I can't say what I need to. Anything that isn't affecting me at the time of the appointment is like it's someone else that it affects rather than myself, it's hard to explain, but I don't care about it then, no matter how bad it is. I used to hate going to sleep because I'd have this strange sensation that there'll be someone else in my body the next day.

Really just at a loss. I've never been suicidal but my hope level is below 0. Life only has a point to it if you experience happy moments between the bad ones and I haven't in years.

Hi ziiz...I'm sorry to hear this is having such a profound affect on your life. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with being a highly sexual person - different people have different levels of sexual interest, etc - but when it's affecting your health, etc, then yeah, it's a problem. How I see it, though, is more of being a problem of your position in relation to your sexuality vs the way you've been treated in the past, than simply a matter of hyper sexualization. Not that helps, probably.

I agree with Skeezyks...perhaps the best thing to do is to focus on other parts of your life. I'm much like you in that psychiatric/counselling help don't do much for me. I am also super sensitive to meds and I've been going to counsellors/therapy since 18 (stopped when I was 35 finally). Just feels like I'm on a merry-go-round. I also don't do too well in social situations. I also am a very sexual person and sometimes feel like there is something 'wrong' with me because I always want to be doing it, talking about it, engaging in it, etc, and sometimes I masturbate to the point of pain but when I take a step back I realize I'm not doing it because of anything sexual. I'm doing it as a distraction and for me sex is a great distraction. It takes me out of the discomfort of social situations and how I feel about my body and my life in general. I'm beginning to be really aware of this lately and when I do choose to engage in any kind of sexual thoughts or activity, mindfully checking in with myself about why I'm doing it and what it's about.

The other thing I notice is that you say you haven't had sex yet. I suspect this has a part to do with why you obsess about sexualized things, and also with your growing feeling of not being able to meet potential partners. The truth is, there really is someone out there for everyone, and I don't mean this in a patronizing, 'positive psychology' way. The thing is, maybe it's not the way you look or the way you speak that is causing discomfort in the women you approach; it could just be something physical they are picking up on, whether it's anxiety or your own discomfort or whatever. It's hard to say.

Have you thought about getting involved in things that interest you? Normal, everyday things? Whether it's sports, games, whatever, places where you can meet people...I don't know what your friendships are like (you haven't mentioned those) but it may help you to feel more socially secure, even if it's just online groups because that's all you feel comfortable with for now. I've gotten through some of the darkest times in my life through online support only because I couldn't bear to be around people physically. And yeah, my dark periods last for years too. In fact, I didn't know what happy was until I sobered up in my 30s. (I'm 37 now, for disclosure.)

I could really go on and on about this because I feel like you're telling my story, in a way. I can relate to a lot of what you've said, the hopelessness, all of it. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but if you can benefit from anything I've said, even just to feel like maybe you're not totally alone, so much the better. Feel free to message me in private if you just want someone to talk to about whatever. I'm literally open to discussing anything. Take care.

Hey man...A lot of your issues seem similar to the ones people talk about in NoFap. It is a subreddit that promotes a lifestyle without porn. Please check it out. It helped me tremendously.