why do people pretend porn isn't the problem?

I was saying that porn is the problem in couples that don't agree on it.
I have only talked to one of the men, but he was just complaining they had no intimacy.
I am talking mainly about the popular porn on the popular sites.

Porn is the problem/can be the problem in relationships that are suffering.

Thank you, but I am not interested in porn for women or in it at all. And I am also not interested in watching it together. There's the same article that goes in the opposite direction

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-does-intimacy

About how porn can damage intimacy in a couple.

It can very quickly become an addiction, when the partner isn't available for some time and the other frustrated about it.

Honestly, if one person is not satisfied in a relationship, there are deeper and more troubling issues than porn, so it's not really fair to blame the end result, rather than the root cause.

That article makes some good points. If people are watching videos that suggest there are a lot of potential partners, then they are bound to think about the possibility of potential partners. And the evidence suggests they do, and that it affects their commitment to their current partner.

This I agree 100%.

It may not be troubling for you, but for a few people porn is a very deep and troubling issue. People just put it off as something normal, because after all 'everyone does it'.

Yes porn addiction can be for some a deep & troubling addiction. That's why there's therapists for it.
And if you take the porn away do you think it's fixed?
If you take alcohol or drugs away from a person will they just turn their life around & everything is fine again?
How about the addiction to food? Aren't "most people" saying well they have no self control & are fat!

I think we all understand that there are people that suffer with problems of addiction, it can be extremely powerful. I watch a family member deal with heroine.

They can all detox, but the reason for the addiction is still there!!!!! This subject only scratches the surface of the problem.

I think you're right in that the attitude is "everyone is doing it". and everyone is doing it. I've read that one problem when trying to determine the effects of porn, is that they can't find a control group of people who haven't been exposed to it.

I have read several articles over the last few years that discuss pornography. There is one camp that basically says something like "the evidence suggests that when we try to suppress things like porn, they just get worse". The other camp suggests that while porn may not be bad in and of itself, it may be wise to consider the consequences on one's specific life. And I'm sure we could all find all kinds of info about the consequences of porn on individuals.

Besides the intimacy/commitment argument, another argument that makes a lot of sense to me, is that .... Think about how often our ancient ancestors saw sex acts. And now think about how many sex acts one can see in 10 minutes, if one so desires.

Viewing a lot of porn, is the equivalent of eating tons of sugar because it tastes so good.

There was a series of articles in Skeptics magazine earlier this year, that presented both sides of the porn argument (is it harmful or not?)

1st article. How Porn Is Messing with Your Manhood

by Philip Zimbardo, Gary Wilson & Nikita Coulombe

2nd article (a response to the first) Skeptical of the Porn Skeptics

by Marty Klein, Ph.D

3rd article: More on Porn: Guard Your Manhood—A Response to Marty Klein

by Philip Zimbardo, Gary Wilson & Nikita Coulombe

To me, porn is worse than eating a lot of sugar because it tastes good as it doesn't only affect the people themselves but also their partner and people around them.

People are free to watch it but they shouldn't pretend it doesn't bring problems. It bring a whole load of problems.
It is easy to fall in an addiction and hard to get out of it. Porn is free, a therapist is not.
And I believe there are a lot of people who are not okay with their partner watching it, even though they pretend to be totally cool with it "everybody does it" type of mentality.

I think that if it bothers you, then you and your partner should have a talk and come to a consensus about whether it is ok in your relationship.

I watch it when I am single, and when I am not. My partner may do the same.

Lefty here.

I can't accept this 'fact' as a premise; what makes you so sure that porn will put unnatural or harmful fantasies into his head that will necessarily preclude your interaction when you are intimate with him? You speak of this as if it's a certainty.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. I am vulnerable in the face of porn. I was blind but now can see... porn.

In an ideal world, intimate partners are fully committed romantically and only have eyes for each other, they never tire of having sex together.

I think there really are couples who adhere to this and live happy lives.

But porn is everywhere and it's free! People upload themselves just for a kick!

So many people, mostly men I assume, are openly watching porn or lying about not watching porn.

You're never going to get that genie back in the bottle.

Personally, I've hardly ever been able to watch any porn that my h tried to get me to watch with him because it made me hostile and turned off. The women were all with huge fake boobs and faking pleasure.

My parents had "The Devil and Miss Jones", an old classic that I watched without them knowing and it was a turn on, but a disturbing one. It really kind of triggered the PTSD issue I have over having been raped as a teenager.

Not according to Marty Klein.

And just what do you mean by "problems"? Driving my car brings with it a "whole load of problems". Thousands of people die every year, just because they were driving their cars, it hasn't stopped me from driving my car.

I don't know. I can still see it both ways. People like sex. For me, the biggest issue is that it probably does make users think about cheating with all those potential partners.

And it does make sense that our brains aren't quite equipped to deal with all those novel sex acts that can be viewed in such a short amount of time.

Marty Klein is a sex therapist with an opinion who tries to refute scientific facts about porn to defend it. Actually it isn't surprising, as a load of sex t's suggest watching porn together to 'bond', which is almost painfully hilarious.

If people like sex, then they should have sex. Porn is still sex for the performers, but they are not sex for the one who watches it. Porn is real and it is happening everywhere, yet people think it is just a virtual thing. And I'm not even getting started on the porn industry itself.

Yes, people think about cheating. It goes from watching porn, to watching harder porn to go to cam sites, to consider cheating. And I'm talking about the worst case, before anyone attacks me saying that not everyone ends up doing this. I know it. But it happens. It hurts their partner and leads to rejection, the rejection leads to even more porn consumption etc.

The problems range from erectile dysfunction to a total divorce from reality.
And to compare to trivial things such as having problems with cars is just silly. You use your car to go to work, and to do big shopping. Things that you NEED beside the hobby of driving it. This comparison doesn't work at all.

Yeah, with all due respect, I'd challenge you to prove that porn leads to cheating. I love porn but think cam sites are disgusting and have no interest in cheating. That was not an attack.

[Fine vintage pornographic image redacted]

That's why I said it can. Not that it always does.

I think we all understand your side of this argument.
From what Ive read, if two people r in a relationship & one watches porn & the other doesn't...& this leads the other person to watching more porn therein lies the problem.
Those 2 people need to have a serious, personal conversation about their own situation.

Got it.

That's my understanding on what the OP has been saying.

I hope you are able to work things out with your BF.

I can see why it bothers you and I am sorry for your bad past abuse. ^

It doesn't? Are you sure?

You're admitting that there are 2 activities, X and Y. Both cause problems. The problem with X is that it can and does cause death. In fact 37,000 people die in the U.S. every year because of X... The problem with Y is that it can potentially cause problems in some relationships.

Which should we give up? Admittedly giving up X will cause some inconveniences. But, is not being inconvenienced worth risking your life for? What about those other 36,999 lives?

What serious argument could anyone make for allowing X, but stopping Y?

If it's truly just problems you're concerned with, then isn't the problem of 37,000 actual deaths obviously more important than the risk of potential problems in some relationships?

Why do some people pretend like the actual deaths that do occur because we (do things that causes accidental deaths) isn't a problem?

(There are other activities that I could put in place of driving cars. Have you ever looked at the statistics for accidental deaths? Why not just stop doing all those things that lead to accidental deaths? Why are potential problems in some relationships more important than the actual deaths that do occur every year doing other activities? )

Hey, since this forum has blazed into the topic of porn thanks to the bravery and sacrifices of others, can I take this rare opportunity to address the elephant in the room?

What happened to all the pubic hair?

LOL I keep mine circa 1970s

I don't have any input because the OP is set in her mind that porn is the root of all evil, as much as she said "some" people do not get affected but what she means is 1% out of 99% of those who watch porn. So I'm not going to bother with trying to change her mind, but I will put in my perspective.

I am a 23 year old female and have been watching porn since I was 17. I remember being about 9 or 10 when I saw an ad for Britney Spears sex tapes and I clicked on it and it froze the computer with these images of porn plastered all over the screen. I was at my grandparents house and I had to explain to my grandfather that it was an accident, but he knew better and told me never to click on those types of images again. So when I started looking at porn on 17, I had never had sex before and I was curious as to what the different sex positions looked like. It was near impossible to find videos in the missionary position which was the one I wanted to see the most. I watched a lot of gay porn in my early years because the sex was so gentle and they models looked like they were loving towards each other. I then looked into all the categories, Wild and Crazy was a favorite of mine because, well, they did some wild and crazy things! I could not believe the things these girls were able to fit inside themselves! Of course, that was a fun section, not something I wanted to do myself. The things I have wanted to do myself was to give an amazing blowjob, and when I became sexually active I did try some of the techniques and positions the models used. I tried working with my hands, DT, and my personal favorite, the upside down BJ (teehee).

Personally, has porn affected me? Yes and no. It affected me because I wanted to recreate some of the things I watched, but nothing too crazy, unless you think hand techniques and DT is crazy to you. I watch what interests me the most, BJs, but at the same time I don't attempt everything I see because yes, a lot of things gross me out in porn, the noises particularly, the unnecessary dirty talk, and I am picky about the girls I watch. Personally, I like girls who are intelligent (is that such a thing on porn? Yes, I have specific criteria for that: passionate about what they do, have a unique intelligent personality, and can do their job very well with no direction). Anyways, I can say that over the years the type of porn I watch have become more and more intense. Not BDSM intense, although I do favor it, just not in porn. I don't think porn has affected me because my fantasies have never changed, it's all been the same since I began watching porn, and no I am not addicted. I'd say depending on how I feel maybe once a week or once a month. I'm not interested in sex anymore, but I do enjoy masturbating and I usually watch a short video before I masturbate and then fantasize about my own fantasies that has nothing to do with porn. I have never orgasmed, nor has porn affected my personal life. I've never been in a relationship, but I would not want to watch porn with my partner because it would be impossible to share the same tastes in porn and I think porn is for my own personal pleasure and something I watch privately. I really want to watch the Pirate of the Carribean porn, the most expensive porn ever made. It looks awesome and I would watch that with a partner.

You know how certain decades come back into fashion every so often. Well, apparently, the bush is coming back in style. I, for one, am relieved that I can finally give my razor a vacation.

Lefty
Maybe you can make this into a separate post?

I think it's a bit silly to suggest that porn doesn't have an influence on how we view genders, sex, etc. Of course it has an influence. The same way our friends, family, environment, what we watch on TV, etc, has an influence on how we think.

Also, I wonder what influence porn has on people who already have issues with impulsiveness, hypersexuality, OCD, and other mental health problems. It can't help, can it?