Age difference

What do people think about appropriate / okay age difference (for relationship partner)?

I heard somewhere that psychologists say that 10 years is 'significant' (though who knows what it signifies lol).

Talking about consenting adults here.

But with respect to consenting adults (and the absense of inappropriate relationship due to therapist/client or doctor/patient or supervisor/student etc) what are peoples thoughts on what kind of age difference is ok.

How about... 15 years?

Does it matter more how well you get on and where you are headed etc maybe instead of age? Or... Are there limits?

if you are 21 and he's 36....that is a lot of life experience that you haven't had yet...

if you're 37 and he's 52......you've lived and pretty much know the ropes.

i'm okay with the latter....in my case, i'm ten years older than the man i'm seeing.

I think it more depends on how much you have in common with someone. I was married to a man 17 yrs older than me one time. it was horrible for alot of it. then I have had men just a few yrs older like 4 or 5 and it was ok. again things in common.

I would say "10 Years" - but then again it really depends on the people in the relationship and how well they can give and take, not to mention adjust to the difference in the age gap and how it will effect each person individually...... likes an dislikes based on age appropriate thinking will surely come up at one point and cause stress.

alex, I have been in several relationships with an age differential. Once it was an 18 year difference. Another time it was 14 years. My husband and I are 8 years apart. I think if you have a lot in common and love each other, it can help surmount the age difference.

I agree with fayerody. I think mostly a relationship depends on just that: the relationship...not the numbers involved. Personalities (imo) matter SO much more than years. If you feel a real connection with somebody, I say don't let petty numbers get in the way of something potentially great.

I think it really depends. My husband and I are only a few months apart age wise, and I kind of like it that way. We grew up at the same time, experienced a lot of the same things, and it is comforting knowing that we will grow old together.

I don't think it makes a huge difference when you are both younger, but it is when you are aging. If you are going to be with someone significantly older you would have to resign yourself to knowing that you will be caring for them when they are too old to care for themselves. I want to grow old with my husband, and I wouldn't want to be full of life as his health was declining. I know its a possibility even with someone the same age, but I guess its less of a possibility.

My parents had a 12 year age difference. My father was 12 years older. They are divorced now. My father always acted even older than his age, and kept friends 10 years older then him. They didn't have a good relationship.

My dad is now nearing 70 and he is married to a woman who was in kindergarten with my sister. They had a child recently. I have to be honest in saying that the relationship kind of disgusts me.

i am all for dating older women, age is irrelavant, mine or hers, saying that, i could never see myself dating someone my own age or younger for long though, but thats just me.

Hey I agree that it's the relationship that matters more. I like to say that I'd stay within a 10-year age range myself, but as it happens most of my past relationships have had only a couple years age difference. I think the biggest age difference was 8 years. But I'd be open to larger differences if I really cared for the person.

One of my good friends said that she would never date someone more than 10 years older or younger than she. She's now married to a man who is 14 years younger than she is. They have a very happy marriage....

Sidony

I'm 39 and my husband is 55. We have been together for 10 years. The only big difference is our taste in music and theater. He's still quite the horny dog

Hello,
Thought I might give my opinion on this. Well, I'm 23, and in a relationship with man who is much older than me, and I'm not talking just 10 or 15 years here. It all depends on your mindset, maturity level, and if you have anything in common (God only knows that you'll only last if there's at least a few things in common, other than sex). Another important factor, at least I truly believe, is the way he treats you. To me age is just a number. I'll tell you that I'd rather be with an older man, than with some 20 year old who wants to treat me like garbage, and not be serious about things in life. I've been through enough.
So, that's my opinion. I am treated by my older man with the utmost respect and caring that one could ask for. All the stares and gossip doesn't put a damper on our relationship. So to me, there is no "acceptable" age limit if you are an adult.
With all I've been though, I have a more mature mind then some my age, so I guess it can't work for everyone.

hey. yeah, i guess i'm a bit ambivalent about the age difference. i guess i typically am attracted to people a fair bit older (i mean around 10 years or something like that). differences... hmm... not so many differences. both like to drink. both like to go out drinking (sometimes) to three am lol. differences in clothing tastes, i guess. guys typically get a bit groomed by their girlfriends anyway lol so that isn't really such a big deal to me. could have a similar issue with the dress tastes of someone my age lol.

maybe part of it is about maturity. gentleness. stuff like that. i dunno. maybe that is to do with the person more than the age.

i know there has been some evolutionary psychology stuff done on why women tend to go for older guys. i guess that work is based on the presupposition that women do tend to go for older guys.

i was a bit worried about how some of the people here would respond. we are being a bit discrete. mostly 'cause of my desire for it to be, i guess. people seem kinda okay about it though. grad students (my age) seem a little more freaked than the proffs (who are saying that so long as the person isn't your supervisor / on your panel / grading your work) then it really doesn't matter. maybe... helps them feel a little younger / more in touch or something. i dunno. seems to be okay. i dunno. first person i have been involved with in the last couple years (since i arrived) and he hasn't been involved with anyone in the last couple years either (and they know that) so they seem to be being discrete and sensitive and stuff. not like they typically are with other people, so i dunno. people basically trying to say that they are okay about it, i guess. though i guess a couple of my grad student friends are a little ambivalent about it. keep talking about how people that age could be their father and they are like 'what is your mothers name again - oh yeah, we remember her'. lol. all good i guess.

i dont think there should be any limit on love. my bf right now is 20 years older than i am. he feels younger than he is, except in his knees, and i've always felt older than i am so i think we average out. i dont think it should all be about age but about what two people can share.

i'm happy for you, Alex......

well for me I probably wouldnt date anyone more than say 15 yrs older than me....

As for younger, I probably wouldnt go any younger than a 5 yr difference....

But it really depends on the relationship.... interests..... life goals... and if we are headed in the same direction.....and expectations....

I am married... I am 36 and my hubby will soon be 43.. at this age the difference in our ages isnt that significant.... but when I started dating him I was 15 and was 22..... and here we are 21 yrs later still together...

my sister has been dating the same man for 5 yrs now and they are ten yrs apart... she was 18 and hewas 28 when they got together....

My bf is 11 years older and I LOVE it. He's not a boy like the ones my age.

I've dated older men, although my current bf is only two years older. I've dated men more than 20 years my age, though; I was always attracted to older men when younger. Now, I seem to like men closer to my own age, but still some older ones are attractive to me.

A good basic rule I've heard of is "half the age of the oldest partner + 7 years" to be the minimum age of the younger partner. This is kinda a sliding scale since it means that the older you get, the bigger the "acceptable" age gap.

I think it's a good idea in principle, but I did go out with a 35 year old for a while last year, when I was 20. Didn't really work out, but I'm not entirely sure if the age gap was to blame. More me still being in love with someone else (my current partner, who is a month older than me).

I dont feel that age has a thing to do with age range to be dating. If both parties are of legal age and are happy then that is what matters. For me I have had it both ways..older and younger. I think for me I am more comfortable with someone with similiar level of intelligence and maturity that I have.
Snow

I wasn't able to read responses...thought I would answer your question...

10 years is probably pushing it if your talking 20 vs 30 or even 25 vs 35...I've dated 5 and 11 years difference...I think a lot of maturing happens in the twenties...

10 years is probably not as important when you are started to compare 30 vs 40 or 40 vs 50...

thanks guys.

i think... its good. the biggest obstacle for me was past %#@&#! (abuse of power type relationships). but... there isn't a power differential. he isn't my supervisor. he isn't on my panel or grading my work. my supervisor here (who knows the guy quite well) didn't have a problem with it at all. my friend who was a little freaked has had a lot of stuff going on for her and her response / reaction was coming from there mostly...

we get on really well. complimentary. he is a morning person. up and at 'em quite early and putting coffee on and all but singing and getting into work quite early. it takes me a while to come around but much easier with him being up and at 'em. and being productive too.

he is into yoga and martial arts and stuff too. i've been meaning to get into yoga and stuff. i won't ever get into running with him, but i could be tempted to get into yoga and stuff.

what is in it for him??? he freaks out a lot when he doesn't really need to. i guess i can be kinda reassuring and sympathetic. helps me to have a secure base for social interactions. maybe... helps him a little too... not quite sure what he sees in me, but he seems to see something...

and that is good.

hardest thing now is the distance aspect :-( 15 hour time difference and in different hemispheres :-(

he brought me a calling card with 2,000 minutes. and we can email. we think we are fairly sure... if we think we are still fairly sure over the next few months... then we are going to try and meet up. i think he is keen to show me his neck of the woods (he has a house and a job and stuff). will be a distance relationship for a while... but if we are sure then i guess we will find a way to make it work. and... if it doesn't work then i really hope we can remain friends because i like him a whole heap. i know he ain't perfect and he has some habits that annoy me... but then i know i'm not perfect, either. he said that i'm complicated and he knows that a relationship with me will be complicated with all my insecurities and fears. but... we have fun and he seems willing to try (as willing as i am to try). and... i've never felt so respected by a partner before. respected and my being actually really genuinely interested in them both at the same time.

saw him off on sunday :-(

miss him already.

Awww. I know it's hard when your guy is away. It's sweet of him to buy you that calling card. I hope it works out.

Sounds great Alex! That's gotta be so hard missing him though. I would have such a hard time with that.

im really glad you ve found someone that respects you and that you like as well alex. i think hes found a good lady.
good luck with it all.
biiv