Partner continually talks about rape and incest

Hi,

Thanks for reading.

I have been with my (gay) male partner for around 5 years and he has a very unusual issue. He continually talks about rape, incest and other horrible things almost constantly throughout the day.

I have been keeping a record for today only to get an accurate count - it's around 5pm and he has made over 50 comments today alone so far.

I have explained how much I hate it, I ask him to stop or be quiet every time he says these horrid things but he never stops or reduces what he is saying. I've also tried totally ignoring it but it makes no difference.

It's usually a very short sentence at a time.

Things like 'your daddy raped you' or 'gorgeous young virgin son.. daddy raped you'.

Please, if you have any ideas about what I can do to try and stop this, please let me know.

It's so unfair for me to have to listen to this day in, day out nearly every hour I am with him.

Many thanks

Hello PsycJames: I'm sorry I don't have the answer to your dilemma. From my perspective, this is your partner's problem & there may be no way you can get him to stop. You've told him you hate what he's saying & you've asked him to stop. Apparently that has had no impact. So presumably he does not wish to modify his behavior. There's no way I'm aware of you can force him to do so. You only have control over yourself. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some helpful suggestions.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

I am going to agree with skeezyks here. The only person you can change and have control over is you.
He has made it clear he has no interest in changing so the question is can you live with it.
It might come from a deep rooted view of his sexuality, but really the why matters very little.
What you choose to do from here on in does. If you choose to stay after making feelings known, and he refuses to change then you will have,to bite your tongue and live with it.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

I don't know him so I may be off base but could it be a coping mechanism?

I cant speak for your partner but I know a few people in my own location who does this....a couple reasons why they do this same thing is because either...

they are followers and are doing what they feel is normal "men talk" being "macho man"
they are feeling like they should fit in with others who due to the recent political changes should be making demeaning comments like this to others, may feel now that its acceptable to do this due to the new political change involves accusations of such things.

they are abuse survivors who are just acting out statements that they grew up with.

they are an abuser who has done this before

and last reason those around here in my location do this is because there is a sexual fetish where two people talk and have consented to having a BDSM / sexual abuse relationship. maybe this is his way of checking out whether you want to be the sub and him the dominant one in the relationship and whether this kind of sexual acts are things you may be interested in too.

line in the sand is that these are all just things and reasons why for those I know, to find out why your partner is saying these things you will need to ask them and let them know how this makes you feel.